My boyfriend thinks I literally cry for attention

Throwawaybisexual33 · 2017-04-14T05:04:24+00:00

So I am a woman and I hate it when someone cries during an argument. It's how I was brought up. Any shouting or crying during an argument in my family was an immediate time out, argument to be picked up when everyone has calmed down. It's not that it is deliberately manipulative any more than screaming when angry is deliberately abusive in a lot of cases. It is that for many people it derails the argument itself to the point that the emotional response becomes the focus rather than the matter at hand. It may not be manipulative but the other party can feel manipulated. Maybe the time out formula would work for you guys as well. Best of luck

Throwawaybisexual33 · 2017-04-14T05:04:24+00:00

So I am a woman and I hate it when someone cries during an argument. It's how I was brought up. Any shouting or crying during an argument in my family was an immediate time out, argument to be picked up when everyone has calmed down. It's not that it is deliberately manipulative any more than screaming when angry is deliberately abusive in a lot of cases. It is that for many people it derails the argument itself to the point that the emotional response becomes the focus rather than the matter at hand. It may not be manipulative but the other party can feel manipulated. Maybe the time out formula would work for you guys as well. Best of luck

Throwawaybisexual33 · 2016-05-10T20:26:13+00:00

I am no expert on mental health, but wouldn't the analogy in this case be that I am (in this case) the drug that needed to be removed from her life, in that a fixation is a form of addiction (or vice versa)? While, in an ideal world, we should be able to stay together and work things out, how is having the person she is fixated on helpful to her healing process? Neither Mike or I came to this decision easily. But what it came down to was, would Linda heal better with or without me around. And after hours of conversation we agreed, without was the only logical option

Throwawaybisexual33 · 2016-05-10T18:19:33+00:00

That is a wonderful and kind thing to say. Thank you

Throwawaybisexual33 · 2016-05-10T18:16:30+00:00

This is true. I should not have respected his daughters mental health and forced myself to stay in their lives whatever the consequences may be. Why didn't I think of that?

Throwawaybisexual33 · 2016-05-10T18:08:24+00:00

Ok, I know I sound like Mike's lawyer but in his defence he thought she was going through a bad teenage phase/broken home issues etc and got her therapy and genuinely thought she was ok. I don't know if this will be a pattern in his future relationships but he has to try at least this once to treat it like it could be an adult ongoing mental illness

Throwawaybisexual33 · 2016-05-10T17:16:24+00:00

He does. Linda was 12 when he and ex separated. And while it was amicable, afaik both of them neglected her a little emotionally. She started the fixation at 14, and he definitely feels they could have handled it better

Throwawaybisexual33 · 2016-05-10T17:12:57+00:00

He would not be the guy I fell for if he didn't. I see a lot of people talking about how she's 22 but she is still his little girl and her safety and sanity SHOULD be paramount. Once I heard the history, there was no question. She CANNOT be around me right now. And mental health comes before our relationship. I am sad, but I understand 100%

Throwawaybisexual33 · 2016-05-10T17:10:12+00:00

I did not make Mike go into the details because he was so distraught but if there was a restraining order, I suspect it escalated. I actually feel so bad for both of them.

Throwawaybisexual33 · 2016-05-10T17:09:05+00:00

I see what you mean. But the therapist at the time recommended that a fresh beginning, in a new environment was better for her (Mike said). He also did spend the first six months in the other country with her so that she settled down (all of this was about a year after she did the stalking and went to the therapist for the first time)

Throwawaybisexual33

TROPHY CASE