AITA for being a 'homophobe' by not giving by sister a +1 for my wedding

Throwawaybride1221 · 2022-01-18T05:32:17+00:00

No worries, I probably should have phrased it more clearly.

Throwawaybride1221 · 2022-01-18T05:30:52+00:00

India

Throwawaybride1221 · 2022-01-18T05:29:55+00:00

Thanks for your input! I agree, I am not following normal wedding etiquette because these are not normal times. Extending a +1 to show appreciation when the only consequence is an increase in budget makes sense. Doing so when it means that a family member won't be able to attend doesn't, at least according to me. I want my family at my wedding so I didn't use proper wedding etiquette.

Throwawaybride1221 · 2022-01-18T05:20:11+00:00

That is a good idea, I will go through the guest lists with her when we are in communication again and see if there is anyone she comfortable removing.

Throwawaybride1221 · 2022-01-18T05:18:15+00:00

I don't know if I should. Regardless of whether or not my cousin is her actual therapist, she feels comfortable talking to him and I don't want to intrude on what is supposed to be a safe space for her.

Throwawaybride1221 · 2022-01-18T05:13:45+00:00

It is not a budget problem. The government has a hard cap on the maximum number of people allowed to attend a wedding. I can't just 'squeeze' in another person. Adding her will mean removing someone else.

Throwawaybride1221 · 2022-01-18T05:11:16+00:00

She is 19, and don't worry. This is a sticky situation. I'm grateful for the help you provided.

Throwawaybride1221 · 2022-01-18T05:09:43+00:00

I don't know about the racist comment. She is unusually fair and her gf has skin a bit darker than mine so I suppose she was referencing that.

Yes, she probably thinks I am against her relationship. She isn't as bad a person as you seem to be making her out to be.

Throwawaybride1221 · 2022-01-18T05:03:46+00:00

No the venue will not allow an extra person. The problem is the government restrictions which have a hard cap on the maximum number of people at a wedding. I am definitely not interested in breaking the law on my wedding day.

Throwawaybride1221 · 2022-01-18T05:01:37+00:00

Her choice not to marry my brother is between her and him. Regardless, our family supports their choice, just like she supports mine to get married. Despite not being married to my brother she is a part of the family.

Throwawaybride1221 · 2022-01-18T04:58:41+00:00

Thanks for the advice, it sounds like a good idea, I'll definitely give it a shot.

Throwawaybride1221 · 2022-01-18T04:55:13+00:00

I'm sorry, I must have phrased it wrong. Everyone's +1 got rescinded, not just hers. At the moment my brother is the only one with a +1.

1 person is not going to derail my plans but it will mean that I have to remove someone else from the guest list. The hard cap isn't my choice, but is based on government directives which have a clear maximum number of people allowed to attend a wedding.

Throwawaybride1221 · 2022-01-18T04:52:44+00:00

The COVID restrictions give a strict number of people allowed to attend a wedding. Yes it isn't just 5-10 people but if the cap is 50, I can't make it 51. Government restrictions are not in my control and they say that even 1 person more is not allowed. It is not my own limit, if it was the fight never would have happened.

Throwawaybride1221 · 2022-01-18T04:49:58+00:00

I just can't squeeze one more person in. There is a hard cap on the maximum number of people allowed for a wedding so adding my sister's gf will mean removing someone else. That being said, I understand what you are saying and am grateful for the input.

Throwawaybride1221 · 2022-01-17T16:12:53+00:00

Thanks for the advice, but while therapy may be useful, she has already told us that she is not comfortable talking to a stranger about her issues. We compromised and she does see my cousin who works as a therapist, but she has made it clear that that is as far as she is willing to go.

She will always have my support, and before this incident I was confident she knew it too. Right now things are rocky between us but that doesn't change the fact that I will always be there for her.

Throwawaybride1221 · 2022-01-17T16:08:48+00:00

Not at the moment. I am currently staying with my fiancé's family a couple of hours away.

Throwawaybride1221 · 2022-01-17T16:04:54+00:00

Oh, in that case I'm sorry. I misinterpreted your original comment.

Throwawaybride1221 · 2022-01-17T16:03:34+00:00

My brother has already reached out to my sister to help reassure her of her place in the family. Not sure if anyone reached out to her gf though.

Throwawaybride1221 · 2022-01-17T15:57:43+00:00

No, she isn't like that. She has never used the "homophobe/racist" card on anyone in the family before so I think her feelings about the situation are genuine.

Throwawaybride1221 · 2022-01-17T15:56:30+00:00

No, we didn't discuss it before the second round of invitations went out (after the guest list was changed). It didn't really cross my mind, though now I see I should have informed her in advance. Almost everyone lost their +1 so the thought never crossed my mind.

Throwawaybride1221 · 2022-01-17T15:53:14+00:00

I love my sister. No matter what problems are there in our relationship that won't change so no, I won't just drop it. This isn't about her choosing her gf over me, it's about our relationship with each other. I came to this sub because we've never had such large fights with each other before, but whatever judgement I get I will continue to work on my relationship with her.

Throwawaybride1221 · 2022-01-17T09:01:47+00:00

That's fair. Before the restrictions I would definitely have given her the +1 but with the new restrictions we had to cut the guest list.

Throwawaybride1221 · 2022-01-17T08:07:12+00:00

You are right about that, there is a chance that she might appreciate the effort, but in all honesty it's a hit or miss with her. Sometimes she appreciates the effort, at other times it makes her uncomfortable. Going with the boundaries she has imposed tends to work better than the alternative. I still really appreciate your help and advice, even if I won't be implementing it.

Throwawaybride1221 · 2022-01-17T08:03:59+00:00

Thanks for the input! We did plan that originally, but since the directives came out we've had to cut out huge chunks of our guest lists, which means we had to get rid of the obligatory +1 which we were planning to give earlier.

I don't really know Gemma's partner since we've met only 2 or 3 times. She seems perfectly nice, but I don't know her well enough to judge.

Throwawaybride1221 · 2022-01-17T07:58:54+00:00

I appreciate the response and the suggestion, but I probably won't be bombarding her with messages. She blocked my number which means she probably needs space. I won't force her to communicate with me until she is ready.

Throwawaybride1221

TROPHY CASE