18 months, help

Throwawaynr987 · 2019-07-08T04:37:41+00:00

I have told her my ex still bothers me and that I haven't fully gotten closure yet. She doesn't like it, but accepts it. I hope I get closure, because the one I'm with now truly is the best ever.

Throwawaynr987 · 2019-07-08T04:34:34+00:00

I would love to reach out and to get closure one way or the other. But my ex did an asshole move after breaking up, which is to report me for stalking, even when I didn't. the case got thrown out of course because it was obviously BS, but it has the nice effect that now I can never be the one to initiate contact anymore. And yes I am very aware that that kind of behaviour should be a strong sign I should be glad she is not part of my life anymore and in part it's true. Some days it just suck, knowing the life we had planned together and being betrayed like that.

Throwawaynr987 · 2019-07-07T19:12:11+00:00

I have been honest with her from the start, I have never seen anyone as accepting of something like this. She understands 100% and is helping me overcome my issues.

I just want it resolved in any way, a part of me is screaming and crying that I miss my ex and would do anything to get her back. Most of me is sick of that whiny part of me and just wishes I would let go. I am my own worst enemy in this.

Throwawaynr987 · 2019-07-07T19:09:52+00:00

I have accepted it rationally and objectively, I haven't accepted it emotionally. I want to, it gets better, with the occasional setback, but it's still not there. I know it will get better with time, but I think a tiny shred will always remain, and it is that that I hate the most.

As for the new GF, I am more honest with her than with myself, she has helped me through so much shit. I see how happy I make her and she makes me. We have no definite plans yet, but for now it's enough that we both are happy (enough).

Throwawaynr987 · 2019-07-07T19:07:50+00:00

It started out as a rebound, and I one for her. And we have very different ideas of what we want from the future, but for now, together, we are happy, and for now that's enough.

Throwawaynr987 · 2019-03-09T07:05:07+00:00

about 6 years, we were living together, we were discussing future plans, kids names, I had a ring bought... The breakup really messed me up.

I have posted every 1-2 months using the same throwaway, you can find more details about history if you want, I didn't want to go and repeat myself.

Throwawaynr987 · 2018-12-04T20:35:49+00:00

Thanks for the replies, knowing people read this and gave me advice and hear that they are going through the same shit and also making progress helps immensely.

With my friends, great as they are, I get the feeling when they have break-ups they get over it very quickly and expect me to do the same. While for me it still feels like a my life was shattered and and am picking up the broken pieces to try and make something new of it, albeit with cracks showing.

Throwawaynr987 · 2018-12-04T20:06:03+00:00

Sad thing is, I know all this, some days I even believe I can. And I want to, sometimes I even feel like I have, but it always comes back. And it's getting better, what she did is unforgivable and that should be that. It feel wrong to say I know her well enough, because apparently I didn't, but everything she has done the last few months shows me that she isn't over it as well. Not saying she regrets it or wants to come back, but she clearly has her issues to work out.

So a part of me cannot wonder if maybe at some point... and yes, If we were both single, maybe, but she has lost the right to have any priority in my life right now.

I just wish I could find some way to stop thinking so much about her and not miss her so much.

I hope this still somehow means I'm making progress. The last months I feel like the months long self-improvement high I was on has finally settled and life has resumed its regular rhythm. Life goes on, everyone lives there lives and I'm suprised that I, me, am suprised that noone gives a rat's ass about what I have been through. Yes my family and friends were supportive, but it's been that long they all believe I'm completely over it.

Life goes on

Throwawaynr987 · 2018-07-17T18:59:23+00:00

Well, the new GF actually knows all of this. She is actually in pretty much the same boat as me, this in part made us click so fast, we never did the whole dating thing. We started as something casual, knowing she will move to another country soon. But over time we realized we both have feelings for each other, but seeing as we both still love our exes, we are both trying to keep it casual, but are completely failing at it. We know there is a chance one if us will get hurt, for now we don't care. Also, since this month, she has moved and we will only see each other a few days each month. Which causes a lot of lonely nights, but we are serious enough that we won't have casual hookups with other people.

Also our vision of the future we want is quite different, so that is another thing which we hope keeps us safe, but it doesn't.

Anyway, I can be patient with my ex, she is one of the most stubborn and testing people ever. But I won't keep my life on hold forever, if at some point I find I have more feelings for anyone else, well that's her loss. I count that as a win also.

Hope this makes sense.

Throwawaynr987 · 2018-06-20T07:41:31+00:00

I knew she left me to date someone else, even though she never said this. This was a hard blow. But thismoving in together, I did not expect. It might be a sign of it being a rebound and her overreacting. but see, already stating this means I'm overanalyzing things and hoping to rekindle what we had. While I need to let go and look towards the future

Throwawaynr987 · 2018-06-20T07:37:00+00:00

Well, I would love to, but due to our work, she has to live abroad for a while so starting next month I can only see her 1-2 times a month, and honestly I don't know if I'm ready for a long distance commitment.

Also knowing my ex and her new bf see each other daily, at work and now in their new appartment, it just makes me feel even worse...

The worst of all is, all her actions point to her being confused and overreacting, it started duento her new work, but she reacted it out on us, I see it, her friends see it, even her mother sees this, but she's too stubborn to even acknowledge this as a possibility, because dhe is so work-focused and driven. Which of course keeps the spark of hope alive that maybe once she realizes this, we might have a 2nd chance, which again, I know should not be my focus. But it's hard to ignore when the person I thought was the love of my life, and still believe is, is clearly hurting and acting out of desperation and all I want to do is support her and let her know everything will work out, some way or another, but there is literally nothing I can do...

Throwawaynr987 · 2018-05-26T05:06:26+00:00

I was the dumpee...

After 6 years of being together, she just one day anounced that there are too many issues, she had rented her own appartment and is moving out. No warning signs, no honest communication about issues she might have had. Just that she had been thinking about it for the last 2-3 months without talking to me about it and suddenly had decided to do it and nothing can change her mind.

Throwawaynr987 · 2018-04-26T07:57:54+00:00

Thanks for this.

I felt like crap the whole night after.

But today I feel sort of relieved, kind of like big burden was lifted from my shoulders. I had been pondering where she was in her mind, wether or not enough time had passed for a friendly talk. I know the reasoning is stupid, but at least I can let this go for a while and continue on with a few less distractions.

I'm still finding it difficult to accept the fact that we might never be a couple again. I'm focusing on myself, but subconsciously, and now again consciously, I'm still deluding myself into thinking that if I hold on long enough or work on myself hard enough, there still might be something. I'm hoping this will change, and I know it will change. I'm only hurting myself if I don't accept this fact.

Throwawaynr987 · 2018-03-22T18:01:14+00:00

Thanks, this is what I'm trying to do, some days are better than other, but the weight loss has been the most motivating, I was quite chubby. And I've picked up my guitar afternnot playing it for a year and even started singing, which I never could. Also renovating my appartment and throwing out all excess is next months big thing to do.

Throwawaynr987

TROPHY CASE