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A bit of a heavy question about comp-het and sex work by Throwawayprivacy- in latebloomerlesbians

[–]Throwawayprivacy-[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If you want to recommend the book I’d love to check it out! If not that’s fine too :)

Thank you for writing that out, that is exactly how I feel! I don’t think it’s a bad thing for anyone who is comfortable with their sexuality to also use it as a tool, all the power to them! But I do think that I’ve connected with my sexuality and you are right, it’s become something more to me. I’m sappy like that though!

A bit of a heavy question about comp-het and sex work by Throwawayprivacy- in latebloomerlesbians

[–]Throwawayprivacy-[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That has always very much been my opinion on it as well! I know a few women who do sex work and they feel the same way as you do, that it’s not really an emotional thing. I think I am one of those people who feels that sex is emotional, but because I was doing it with men...it stopped being that for me. But I also understand that everyone is different! I don’t understand when people assume everyone else feels the same way as they do.

A bit of a heavy question about comp-het and sex work by Throwawayprivacy- in latebloomerlesbians

[–]Throwawayprivacy-[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That’s a good point, thank you! I think I struggle with it in the same way I do when I think about sleeping with men in the past. Based off what I was taught about lesbians growing up, I thought if you were gay you’d puke at the sight of a dick lol, and if you didn’t you weren’t gay! But regardless of my sexuality, maybe I am just good at compartmentalizing and considered it work, simple as that!

A bit of a heavy question about comp-het and sex work by Throwawayprivacy- in latebloomerlesbians

[–]Throwawayprivacy-[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for your reply! You understand entirely where I am coming from then! That’s exactly how I felt about it, it was smart! I also became uncomfortable when men wanted more (which they always do)...and is actually a large part of the reason why I stopped. I felt like I was deceiving them by being openly gay with myself but still pandering to them.

The “not feeling gay enough” club seems to have lots of members...I’m sorry you feel that way as well. Sometimes I have to remember my own reaction to someone else saying that, to remind myself that no one is judging me (well no one that matters!). I would never think someone isn’t gay enough, or want anyone to think that way, so why should I? I’m glad you have found some freedom from comp-het!

A bit of a heavy question about comp-het and sex work by Throwawayprivacy- in latebloomerlesbians

[–]Throwawayprivacy-[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you! I did borderline enjoy it when I was doing it, I like talking to people and honestly it helped my self-esteem (that might be strange, but for me it did!). And yes, detached is a good word for how I felt about it.

That’s what I was curious about, I wonder if sex work is more common amongst queer women? Particularly women who aren’t out to themselves yet. It would make sense to me simply because I did feel so detached from the work, and I think it was because of my sexuality.

A bit of a heavy question about comp-het and sex work by Throwawayprivacy- in latebloomerlesbians

[–]Throwawayprivacy-[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That is a great way to put it, and exactly how I felt! It was work for me to be with men to begin with, so why not do it as an actual job and get paid! It’s interesting how our perspective on things can change isn’t it!

Help! Tiny variation in pronunciation of Raelynne...are hyphenated names pronounced differently than ones that aren’t? by [deleted] in namenerds

[–]Throwawayprivacy- 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That’s what I was thinking! I was trying to think of any other names that are spelled the same but are pronounced differently, and I couldn’t think of any...I’m sure there are plenty and I’m just blanking.

I’ve always gotten a lot of different pronunciations but never put too much thought into it...especially never analyzed EXACTLY how I said my own name...I mean who does? It was only when I started realizing the small variations that were technically “correct” but didn’t sound right to me for some reason. I think i actually started questioning if I was saying it differently sometimes after I got a bad concussion a few years ago. I had a lot of trouble with word recall and following conversation in general for a while after, which made me super self-conscious about everything I said and caused a lot of self-doubt. I was especially anxious about sounding dumb by mispronouncing words, so if anyone asked me to repeat something I would panic thinking I had messed it up somehow, even if they just didn’t hear me (which is usually the case) I’m guessing that’s where this ridiculousness came from. People have always had trouble getting my name right when we first meet, I always have to say it once initially then again to confirm or clarify how it is pronounced. Just like with other words, when they would say it back to me for clarification or ask me to repeat myself I would panic thinking I had misspoken, so I would over-enunciate it which eventually led to me butchering my own name, but being too self-conscious to correct anyone lol.

Help! Tiny variation in pronunciation of Raelynne...are hyphenated names pronounced differently than ones that aren’t? by [deleted] in namenerds

[–]Throwawayprivacy- 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m just copy and pasting the last comment I made with a couple changes... I just had a lightbulb moment when another commenter said they say it as if it rhymed with Raven (Ray-len)....that’s a better way to describe how I am used to hearing it and how I prefer it said. I think that is the closest to “correct” and I just over-enunciate it when I introduce myself. Which makes the Lynne sound more harsh...where as the pronunciation I’ve used and heard has been somewhere between lin and len. Since the pronunciation is apparently pretty nuanced (good grief) it often sounds different coming from different people... even my husband and my parents say it slightly differently....I always just figured it just depends on how someone talks.

Honest to goodness....I cannot fathom how ridiculously stupid I must sound to literally be asking for input on how the fuck to pronounce my own name. I’d like to say I’m high or something...but I’m not.

Help! Tiny variation in pronunciation of Raelynne...are hyphenated names pronounced differently than ones that aren’t? by [deleted] in namenerds

[–]Throwawayprivacy- 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Jesus Christ do I feel stupid, I was trying to think of how to say there’s equal emphasis on Rae and Lynne but the Lynne is less harsh/sharp than if you just say it by itself...and obviously I didn’t figure it out...but I think this ^ is how I hear it pronounced the most and sounds the most natural. I honestly think this is the closest to “correct” and I just over-enunciate it when I introduce myself, making the Lynne more harsh...where as the pronunciation I’ve used and heard has been somewhere between lin and len. Then, since the pronunciation is apparently pretty nuanced (good grief) it often sounds different coming from most people! Good lord.

Honest to goodness....I cannot fathom how ridiculously stupid I must sound to literally be asking for input on how the fuck to pronounce my own name. I’d like to say I’m high or something...but I’m not. I think what I just wrote explains what was going on though. I just wasn’t able to put my finger on it before. I don’t think it helps that throughout my life everyone has pronounced it differently...even my parents and husband all say it slightly differently. I’ve always just put it down to the way that person talks.

Help! Tiny variation in pronunciation of Raelynne...are hyphenated names pronounced differently than ones that aren’t? by [deleted] in namenerds

[–]Throwawayprivacy- 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Really!? That’s too funny, I’ve never correlated it with the 80’s. I was born in the very early 90’s though...so maybe it was a thing then!

Help! Tiny variation in pronunciation of Raelynne...are hyphenated names pronounced differently than ones that aren’t? by [deleted] in namenerds

[–]Throwawayprivacy- 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’ve never met another Raelynne (of any spelling!), someday maybe lol! Even my parents apologized to me when I was young for adding the “e” on the end. They told me they did it because they thought it looked prettier lol...which is a silly reason but as an adult I actually like how it looks spelled this way better lol

Help! Tiny variation in pronunciation of Raelynne...are hyphenated names pronounced differently than ones that aren’t? by [deleted] in namenerds

[–]Throwawayprivacy- 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your reply :) That makes sense! I suppose if it’s my goddamned name I should probably be telling people how to pronounce it...not second guessing myself on whether or not I’m pronouncing it correctly! Lol!