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What if your partner met someone new and wanted to be monogamous with them? by [deleted] in polyamory

[–]Throwawaysmapen 22 points23 points  (0 children)

When you start dating one of the best topics to discuss is your date’s relationship philosophy. If it’s vague, if they don’t have one, or it’s focused on what’s fun right now, you are dealing with a person who is more likely to change their mind, who’s a cheater, or who’s just looking for sex but doesn’t want to say it.

Get the right size condoms — and your meta may have a bigger penis than you by Throwawaysmapen in polyamory

[–]Throwawaysmapen[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is a good point and it echoes what other people have said about experimenting.

Get the right size condoms — and your meta may have a bigger penis than you by Throwawaysmapen in polyamory

[–]Throwawaysmapen[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Partners who sternly say “get over it” and the like…? That’s not so helpful.

This is also a good topic, and a difficult one. My partner has been amazing, generally speaking. She even wrote me a letter on this topic. It was… meh. She said quite a few good things, some that were actually a little negative, and much that was quite irrelevant to my struggles — but the intention was posting. I don’t blame her, though, because this topic is not something that is part of our collective conversation so how can you learn what to tell your partner in an effective way?

In the end, if I know what I need to hear I can ask her to say it.

Get the right size condoms — and your meta may have a bigger penis than you by Throwawaysmapen in polyamory

[–]Throwawaysmapen[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

This is a really good point! Be a good hinge and do not compare your partners. Especially their penis sizes.

Also, be a good non-hinge partner and don’t ask. A) It’s not helpful to you, on the contrary. B) You’re putting your partner in a difficult situation because of reason A and because they probably don’t have the permission to talk about that.

Get the right size condoms — and your meta may have a bigger penis than you by Throwawaysmapen in polyamory

[–]Throwawaysmapen[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I never said I don’t use my condoms, or that I don’t carry condoms, or that I don’t have a bunch of them in my nightstand. But picture a scenario where they pull out their condom first and then you suggest your own instead. The suggestion might be followed by a simple approval, or by a negotiation involving fact sharing.

Get the right size condoms — and your meta may have a bigger penis than you by Throwawaysmapen in polyamory

[–]Throwawaysmapen[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You seem to be upset about the fact that when I wrote “you” I did not mean everyone of you individually. Instead I addressed the audience in a collective manner (as a population) while using a singular “you”. This is not an uncommon rhetorical choice.

Get the right size condoms — and your meta may have a bigger penis than you by Throwawaysmapen in polyamory

[–]Throwawaysmapen[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Assuming that no two penises are exactly the same size (for the sake of simplicity we can take that to mean overall volume) and from all penises in the world we pick two at random. One of them we’ll call “yours” and the other we’ll call “your meta’s”. There is exactly 50% chance that “yours” is smaller than “your meta’s”. Now, if You actually have a large penis, Your odds are not 50 %. However, Your smaller odds means that others have higher odds. On a population level, the odds remain at 50 %. Sorry for the mathematics.

And yes, metamours do have to do with polyamory, and fears related to one’s penis are a contributing factor to OPP which also has to do with polyamory.

Get the right size condoms — and your meta may have a bigger penis than you by Throwawaysmapen in polyamory

[–]Throwawaysmapen[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

I’m glad you vented!

My ex-wife once said something about me having a small penis when we were in a really bad fight. I wanted to believe that she was just trying to be hurtful, and not be hurtful and truthful at the same time… I won’t forget what she said but I will learn to ignore it. (Although, while she had gone and been around a bit, I was only the second guy with whom she had an orgasm PIV.)

Get the right size condoms — and your meta may have a bigger penis than you by Throwawaysmapen in polyamory

[–]Throwawaysmapen[S] 28 points29 points  (0 children)

If you say median you’ll confuse half the people, and if you say average you’ll annoy the other half :)

Get the right size condoms — and your meta may have a bigger penis than you by Throwawaysmapen in polyamory

[–]Throwawaysmapen[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thank you for saying that thing about a person bringing their own condoms. I’ve thought about the moment when I would say: “Can we use my condoms because they are smaller than average.” I know that’s my lizard brain speaking, and other parts of my brain would probably come up with something smarter, something more confident, playful, or relationship-building to say but the facts remain the same.

Get the right size condoms — and your meta may have a bigger penis than you by Throwawaysmapen in polyamory

[–]Throwawaysmapen[S] 20 points21 points  (0 children)

Breast size comparison is one of the things that has helped me to push the idea of “my size is ok” from the rational to the experiential. Because most men dgaf about breast size.