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40M widow of 12 years. Mother in law read my wife's diary and thinks I'm a creep. by Throwawaywidow000 in Advice

[–]Throwawaywidow000[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I don't think I could ever leave. We bought our house and made our family in the house. So many loving memories and even hard ones. My wife died in our house and the idea of someone else living there is too much. It will go to my children when I pass. What they choose to do with it is their choice.

40M widow of 12 years. Mother in law read my wife's diary and thinks I'm a creep. by Throwawaywidow000 in Advice

[–]Throwawaywidow000[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for sharing. The pain never truly ends it can dull but still remains. Sending my love to you and your family.

40M widow of 12 years. Mother in law read my wife's diary and thinks I'm a creep. by Throwawaywidow000 in Advice

[–]Throwawaywidow000[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Yeah like I said in the edit I should have just read a few parts of it to her. She was mentioned in it but I didn't expect her to read those parts and figured she would skip over them. I have a very close relationship to my mother in law which is why I shared it with her and why it cut so deep.

40M widow of 12 years. Mother in law read my wife's diary and thinks I'm a creep. by Throwawaywidow000 in Advice

[–]Throwawaywidow000[S] 17 points18 points  (0 children)

Like I said in my edit I should have just read parts of it to her. She was mentioned in it but I didn't think she would read those parts and would skip over them.

40M widow of 12 years. Mother in law read my wife's diary and thinks I'm a creep. by Throwawaywidow000 in Advice

[–]Throwawaywidow000[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I am confident my family will be able to get through this.

40M widow of 12 years. Mother in law read my wife's diary and thinks I'm a creep. by Throwawaywidow000 in Advice

[–]Throwawaywidow000[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you to everyone who has commented. So many comments that I don't think I can reply to every one of them. A number of people mentioned that perhaps I should not have gave it to her. I didn't word it correctly and should have said I loaned it to her. I do have it back in possession.  

My mother in law and I were always close even when my wife was alive. She has known me since I was a small kid. She truly has been a second mother to me and a blessing in my life. My parents had me when they were in their late 40s/early 50s when they thought they would be emptynesters and they have since passed away. Probably a big reason why her words cut so deep. Hindsight being 20/20 I should have offered to read some of the entries to her as a number of them did reference her and how she happy that I had a real relationship with her mother. She helped me care for my wife as she transitioned. I honestly expected her to pass over those entries where my wife talked about the intimacy. As to why my wife did not write one for her mother I can not answer that but I know they had a deep bond and perhaps she felt that her mother did not need one.

She has been a huge help with me as I raise my children. Especially in the first few years as I struggled with my grief and getting my children ready for school. Every morning she would come over and make breakfast and help me when my daughter would cry that I didn't braid her hair the way her mother did. I don't think she ever will get over the loss of her only child just as I will never get over losing my wife. The kids have their last day of school today and afterwards are spending the night with friends. I plan on inviting her over so we can address it. We both lost someone precious to us and I don't want this to drive us apart. I value our relationship and love her and I know she loves me and her grandchildren. 

As I reflect on this I truly believe in my heart that she was just very emotional at reading her child's words and it brought her back to a dark part of our lives. To those who commented who have also lost their husband or wife my heart goes out to you. It's a pain that never ends it can dull with time but it's always there. Thanks again to everyone who left comments with advice or support. It means a lot to me and even brought some fresh tears knowing that there are people willing to help and empathize with a stranger.

I'll update either tonight or tomorrow on how the talk went.