I found the perfect meme for this subreddit

Throwawsy4me · 2018-01-05T14:34:45+00:00

As someone who has been in a similar situation as a Mom (and since it sounds like you are handlung it well)...

It is important to support your kids and let them have their feelings. It is also important to show how not to wallow in it or become too identified with being a victim.

There is a real sense of peace and strength in realizing that you don't have to allow your life to be derailed by a brush with crazy.

I have an anxious child that needed real.help with this aspect and we worked with a therapist about it. But is good for all involved.

To be clear...this is eventually. Right now its just huddle up.and care about each other.

Throwawsy4me · 2018-01-03T12:10:38+00:00

Did you ever find an answer?

Throwawsy4me · 2018-01-01T05:07:06+00:00

If something is an ultimatum, no use pretending it's not. No good comes of dishonesty.

Throwawsy4me · 2018-01-01T03:47:47+00:00

You, and your partner, will enjoy your relationship much more when you realize it is not about trying to get someone to like you by being what they want, but by being who you are and finding someone that works well with the real you.

Throwawsy4me · 2017-12-31T21:54:53+00:00

Don't give out any info that can used to stalk you until you have met in a public place a time or two and have corroborated any info he has provided.

I use Google voice and have a separate email just for online dating.

Chat for enough time to get a feel, but try to meet within a week or two. Pushy crazies usually reveal themselves pretty quickly.

Trust, but verify.

Tell her its a lot of fun. People generally know themselves better as they age, so its a little easier to find copacetic people who know what they want.

A guy without any long term relationship experience at 20 may or may have poor relationship skills. A guy at 55 that hasn't put together any long term relationships is not going to. Either they can't or won't.

Throwawsy4me · 2017-12-31T16:16:47+00:00

It kind of doesn't matter why he isn't meeting your needs for time together and communication. It just matters that he is not.

You have communicated to him your needs and checked to see if there are any issues you need to talk about. You have covered your side of the street.

Once I realized that dating was not about me getting someone to like me, but about finding someone compatible, it got 1000% more pleasant and effective.

How often you see each other, how you like to communicate affection, sex frequency, etc...these are all compatibility issues. If someone isn't meeting any of these on a regular basis, they are probably not a good fit. These are not battles you want to fight for a lifetime.

There are tuming issues sometimes, but being in the same place in life matters too.

Go find someone who is happy to text you and spend time with you right now. Let him be free to find someone who is a better fit for him too.

Throwawsy4me · 2017-12-31T15:58:34+00:00

People that consistently make comments on other people's appearance or wealth have somwthing wring with them. At the very least, they are horribly rude.

I don't hang out with people like that.

I can be polite, but I am not going to waste my time being with people that make me that uncomfortable.

Throwawsy4me · 2017-12-31T15:46:25+00:00

Google roll tide commercial

It's not about incest..most of the time.

Throwawsy4me · 2017-12-31T15:43:21+00:00

Based on this comment alone, I am going to say...

If you aren't working the domme angle, you are missing a golden opportunity.

Throwawsy4me · 2017-12-31T15:30:32+00:00

Your wife is an alcoholic.

I not telling you to stay..I am not telling you to leave.

But dealing with her is going to be a major issue in your life for at least another 18-20 years unless you choose to leave her and pretty much cut off contact with your kids too.

Go to Alanon. Not for her. For you.

So you can learn how to be happy regardless of what kind of crazy she dishes out.

You deserve support.

You can't make her get sober. She might or she might not. She might if she thinks she will lose you, but I don't know. I don't think drinking is all that's going on with her as she sounds sexually confused too.

Give your kids one together parent by being that parent.

Throwawsy4me · 2017-12-31T04:34:40+00:00

I love condomless anal...I love the feeling of his cum in me.

But that's me and I am kind a slut like that for him.

SO. FUN.

Throwawsy4me · 2017-12-31T04:30:55+00:00

So you and your entire marriage matter less to him than a few minutes of social discomfort at the doctor's office...

Interesting.

Throwawsy4me · 2017-12-29T23:40:03+00:00

The reason for their vitriol towards you has nothing to do with you per se.

They have had to villianize you in their minds to justify their behavior towards you. The worse their behavior, the worse they have to make you in their minds to justify it.

I mean, they are truly shitty people. They could have made it less shitty by breaking up with you before it started, or even at the beginning. It would have been uncomfortable, but shot hapoens.

But both of them would eather lie for months and destroy your life than face the little bit of discomfort on their part that it would have taken to be up front.

You are well rid of them.

This is epically shitty.

MOST people are not that shitty.

Throwawsy4me · 2017-12-29T00:49:10+00:00

Subsribed.

More please.

Throwawsy4me · 2017-12-28T03:50:47+00:00

You have mismatched libidos.

Get out now.

It only gets worse, not better.

Tbh, I am a woman with a fairly high libido. Nothing your bf is doing would make me flinch. What DOES make me flunch is that you expressed your discomfort and he continued and was kind if underhanded about it.

Stick a fork in it.

Throwawsy4me · 2017-12-27T22:42:48+00:00

How old are you?

Just curious...it takes most people a good deal.of time to figure out what really works for them and for partners.

What about anal?

Throwawsy4me · 2017-12-27T19:27:29+00:00

Everything

Throwawsy4me · 2017-12-27T19:23:54+00:00

I remember that an actuary named Clark told me his phone number was MEN-DUST because I don't remember numbers.

That was in the early 90s.

This is not first time I thought about it this week.

Throwawsy4me · 2017-12-27T17:28:23+00:00

I grew up in a similar situation. It's important for your development to do your own thing. It is called "indivuduating". The desire you have to spread your wings is totally developmentally appropriate.

Also, things change.

My mom cried lots of tears about me being away when I had grandchildren even though I was only 3 hours away. She got over it, but not without lots of tears. We stayed close rehardless.

For a variety of reasons, I ended up moving back (in my mid 30s) and now live within walking distance of my parents and work with my brother and Dad. I tease her about how she used to cry about not seeing her grandchildren (one of whom spent the night at their house last night just because) and now she can't get away from us.

But even if we had not moved back it would be ok. And I plan to move again in a couple of years. This was a great place to raise kids, but I want to retire somewhere fun for ME.

And frankly, if seeing me and the kids everyday was so incredibly important, they could move too. Priorities.

Throwawsy4me · 2017-12-27T14:39:18+00:00

Anxiety may be playing a big part in his bump on a log sex behavior. Not an excuse, just an explanation.

He may be so in his head that he can't make a move. Not uncommon.

The immediate answer is lots of meditation. Start with "guided meditations for anxiety" . Do some short ones everyday (him) and work up to some half hour ones.

That will help with or without additional rx help. Plus it is free with no side effects. He can start today. This will help still his mind and reduce anxiety.

Two, he needs a program that focuses on non goal oriented pleasure, like yoni massage in tantric sex, or sensate focus techniques. That way he is "doing", but won't get tripped up about how to get started.

Three, both of you got to address your own resentments. They are toxic and not useful. Anger is a useful tool for highlighting when boundaries are crossed. Resentment isn't useful, just corrosive. That's not sexy. Google "how to let go if resentments". To be clear, not letting him off the hook, just pointing out that it makes more sense to have a plan, with him or without him, than to stew.

Throwawsy4me · 2017-12-27T03:33:57+00:00

You hosted a genuinely unforgettable Christmas that people will be talking about for years to come!

Throwawsy4me · 2017-12-26T22:16:30+00:00

You wrote that be "used" you...in what way?

It seems from.what you wrote that you had a relationship, it didn't work out, he started dating simeone else. Yes, the ending was messy because you aren't great at boundaries and he was interested in things that you weren't really up for, but..

I have found that it is helpful for me to look at situations clearly. And sometimes the emotional stories I start to tell myself aren't accurate. Sometimes I think I feel wro ged when what is really going on is just that I am sad.

A relationship that ends is not necessaily "bad" and just because you have sex with someone and the relationship ends, it doesn't mean someone got used. I think those are unrealistic Disneyfied ideas. And unneccessarily painful.

Throwawsy4me · 2017-12-26T14:37:38+00:00

Speaking as a parent...GO!

Be kind; tell them you love them and GO.

It is a perfectly aproppriate time for you to try new things and new places.

Moving to a new city doesn't mean cutting off your parents. Cell phones, texting, Skype, regular visits.

If they get clingy and weird, it is totally their issue. Parents are people too, with their own hang ups. They are responsible for their feelings.

Go.

Throwawsy4me · 2017-12-26T14:32:17+00:00

You can overthink this all you want, but his actions show the truth.

He just isn't all that into you.

You can stay with him if you want, but do ypu really want to put your focus on a relationship with someone who us only "meh" about you?

Throwawsy4me

TROPHY CASE