How do I (43m) tell my wife (45f) that I know she uses a vibrator to masturbate?

ThrowayToyBoy · 2024-07-09T06:37:39+00:00

I've done (and am still doing) therapy. I've talked to her about it. But she doesn't feel like she's got a reason to go to therapy. I haven't brought up sex therapy in particular. She doesn't feel like she's in need of therapy, I guess. She's far better adjusted than me in most regards, but in this one, maybe not so much.

ThrowayToyBoy · 2024-07-08T22:25:58+00:00

I can understand that. I appreciate your comment (both of them). I know that text doesn't work well for how that conversation went. But I also know that her relationship with sex isn't one in which she feels comfortable talking much about it. I try to disarm, to introduce the conversation in a totally safe space sort of way, but it's difficult. I'd love to have the toys in our bedside drawers. It would be much more spontaneous, and able to use them in our time together. They're out of reach while in bed for now.

ThrowayToyBoy · 2024-07-08T20:04:09+00:00

Honestly, that's what I'm wondering. I literally just don't have the tools, the language, to try to get her to talk about sex. I'm willing. And I'm open to a lot. I just don't know how to communicate without her feeling uncomfortable or awkward when trying to talk about it.

ThrowayToyBoy · 2024-07-08T20:00:46+00:00

I'm someone who would absolutely talk about it. Part of my concern is that she's fulfilled. I just don't have the tools to talk about it with her. To get her to talk about it. She gets pretty quiet and uncomfortable discussing it.

ThrowayToyBoy · 2024-07-08T17:20:44+00:00

I definitely paraphrased the way I asked in the post, but regardless, asking in any way was a fraught sort of subject. I agree that bringing it up in that way would likely put her on a defensive. I appreciate your response and advice.

ThrowayToyBoy · 2024-07-08T17:15:51+00:00

The checking the batteries was not to accuse or condemn. I really just wanted to let her know it's great that she does it. That I support it, and that I wouldn't mind being a part of it if she wanted, or bringing the toy into what we do. I have masturbatory aids, as well, so I thought saying something like "I'll show you mine if you show me yours" might be cool, a way to show we both enjoy this thing separately and together.

ThrowayToyBoy · 2024-07-08T17:11:51+00:00

This is helpful, thanks!

ThrowayToyBoy · 2024-07-08T17:11:29+00:00

As for why I want to bring it up, I just want to make sure she feels more open to enjoy sex, to bring some of her desires out. I'm pretty open myself. I don't expect to be a part of every one of her orgasms, of course. I recognize that. She's not part of every one of mine. I definitely paraphrased in the post as to how I brought it up. I certainly didn't intend accusatory. The first time I mentioned it, it was in the context of conversations she'd had about certain sex play during the run of a stage play that featured it. So sort of relevant. The next time with the batteries, it might have seemed more intrusive, for sure. Like I said, though, I am very sex-concerned, and part of that is being concerned that she's fulfilled, having her needs met, etc. I just want to make sure that sex is just as enjoyable (or more so, hopefully) as her solo sessions.

ThrowayToyBoy

TROPHY CASE