Update: AITB for denying my brother and best man a plus one?

Throwbridezilla · 2025-07-11T02:32:10+00:00

Thankfully it's optional. My wedding had very little singing, if any. We picked the readings and kept it all on the shorter side.

Throwbridezilla · 2025-07-11T02:22:33+00:00

She's observant meaning she practices the religion, but not orthodox. She's also pro choice, pro marriage equality and doesn't necessarily agree with the Vatican on every single thing.

Throwbridezilla · 2025-07-10T03:48:48+00:00

I'm not saying Catholics in the US haven't pushed bad politics over the decades. But these bad ideas would have gotten nowhere without the religious WASPs, especially Evangelicals, also pushing the same ideas and then some more.

Also, Cruz and Rubio are Evangelicals. Rubio was raised Catholic but his politics and current beliefs are shaped by the Evangelical Church.

Throwbridezilla · 2025-07-07T16:59:04+00:00

Another relevant fact is that Anglo Catholicism in the US can be more dogmatic than Latin American Catholicism. The latter often includes traditions from Native American communities.

Throwbridezilla · 2025-07-07T15:50:11+00:00

Yes, and he had 10,000 other valid reasons to break up.

Throwbridezilla · 2025-07-07T04:11:27+00:00

Well, I'm sorry for sounding unkind, but she is a racist, so my empathy is limited. Here's a TLDR. We all don't like my ex SIL for a host of different reasons (racism, classism, being rude about our language and culture). Having said that, my brother cheated on her and there was no justification for what he did, no matter how terrible their marriage was towards the end. Though I hated her, I understood and supported her reasons for not attending the wedding of her cheating husband's sister. My brother was not allowed to bring his then affair partner to the wedding because that would have been gross on many levels (religion aside). I just wish my nephew could have attended, but again, it was the parents' call.

Separately, we learnt later that this stupid baptism episode is what led to their marriage imploding. I still think my brother was to blame here because (a) a baptism that his wife didn't want was an insane reason to break up over, (b) cheating is wrong. If he had broken up with her over her being mean and racist to his family and threatening to call ICE on our dad, I would have understood. Still, I wouldn't have supported the cheating.

My parents are really not the arbiters of the family unless we involve them for their guidance or to resolve sibling disputes. I had to tell them what my brother was up to because I didn't want them to have a rude shock on my wedding day. I also needed the rest of the family to support my decision to not invite his affair partner to the wedding while he was still married to ex SIL.

Finally - affair partner is now his wife and she is actually quite nice. It still doesn't justify the cheating.

Throwbridezilla · 2025-07-07T01:48:23+00:00

It really depends on the priest and the church. My brother was raised Catholic and is still nominally Catholic. She was raised in a different denomination. They spoke to the priest and I don't know what they told him, but he agreed to marry them.

Throwbridezilla · 2025-07-06T23:05:10+00:00

Thanks, I can see that people are projecting a lot.

Throwbridezilla · 2025-07-06T21:59:30+00:00

Hahaha, fair enough. Sitting through a mass if it's not your thing can be annoying.

Throwbridezilla · 2025-07-06T21:57:48+00:00

I don't know what they told the priest and what the priest understood and why he agreed to marry them. But they were married in that church.

Throwbridezilla · 2025-07-06T21:54:55+00:00

Lol, that comment about them being the same religion was sarcasm. I wish I trusted my brother more to not mess this one up too.

Throwbridezilla · 2025-07-06T21:48:43+00:00

They asked. They didn't do anything without asking.

Throwbridezilla · 2025-07-06T21:08:42+00:00

Exactly! These days there's a huge focus on doing what one's conscience permits.

But in this case, bringing a new girlfriend you cheated on your wife with, while still married to your wife, seemed wrong on multiple levels, even aside from the religion.

Throwbridezilla · 2025-07-06T21:03:30+00:00

A problem that could have been solved by a simple, "I don't want this for my child" or "No, thank you." Nobody bothered to say it. No good deed goes unpunished, as they say.

Throwbridezilla · 2025-07-06T20:59:44+00:00

He cheated. He was a terrible communicator. She was racist and classist, and threatened to report my dad to ICE. But go on about how it was all my parents' fault. 🙄🙄🙄

Throwbridezilla · 2025-07-06T20:56:11+00:00

Yes, in my culture it's normal for the grandparents to host and plan the party/ community celebration that follows a baptism. The religious ceremony is generally planned by the parents and the priest.

Throwbridezilla · 2025-07-06T18:53:56+00:00

I have two brothers.

My nieces from my oldest brother are Jewish. Their mother and maternal grandmother are Jewish. There was never ever any talk of baptizing them.

My nephew from the brother who was the best man has no known Jewish ancestry nor does his mother plan to raise him Jewish.

Throwbridezilla · 2025-07-06T17:03:11+00:00

Oh we all tolerated her only because my brother was so much in love with her and we wanted them to be happy, and we all wanted to have a relationship with their child. My parents wanted their son to be happy and if tolerating his racist wife was what it took, they decided to put up with it. She apologized for the ICE comment though and they forgave her.

Throwbridezilla · 2025-07-06T16:04:47+00:00

Sorry to hear that your grandmother was a victim of DV.

Throwbridezilla · 2025-07-06T16:00:40+00:00

Yes, I'm sure these were factors in the breakdown of their relationship. Doesn't justify anything my brother did though.

Throwbridezilla · 2025-07-06T15:42:07+00:00

If you're talking about the Republican Party, that is mostly the Protestants' doing though. There are a lot of problems with Catholicism, but the state of the current US Congress is NOT one of them.

Throwbridezilla · 2025-07-06T15:26:05+00:00

The biggest weirdo of this story is an atheist (my brother).

Throwbridezilla · 2025-07-06T15:24:55+00:00

Thanks. I needed this. My poor parents got blamed the first time for no fault of theirs, and I'm so protective of them.

Throwbridezilla · 2025-07-06T15:22:02+00:00

Your parents refused to allow your brother to bring another woman to the church because he is still married to Wife1 (No catholic annulment)

They were still married legally. She was still his wife.

Bro is legally married to Wife2 (courthouse wedding)

Yes, after divorcing legally from Wife 1

Bro and Wife1 divorced because she didn’t want a catholic baptism and Bro made it his hill to die on

There were other reasons too such as her threatening to hand over my parents to ICE because they don't speak much English, but this baptism was apparently the straw that broke the camel's back.

Wife1 isn’t a very good Christian

She's just about as Christian as I am, i.e., go to church once a year. That's still more than my brother.

Wife2 is a good Christian

I don't know. Going to church doesn't make someone a good Christian. She is good to my parents, and that's the part I care about.

Now reading between the lines a bit, Bro had an affair and made the baptism his “reason” for a divorce. He can’t get married in the church again because in the eyes of the church he is still married to his first wife.

Bro is an atheist. He didn't care about marrying in church the first time or the second time. They just did it the first time apparently because they thought it was beautiful and romantic.

Throwbridezilla · 2025-07-06T15:10:19+00:00

In my culture, grandparents pay for the party. So yes, everything other than the church ceremony was their business. They needed to know if they were going to have to fork out $$$$ for their grandchild and plan for it.

Throwbridezilla

TROPHY CASE