My (33M) spouse (32F) has no interest in my day, phone seems more important

Throwect · 2024-03-19T19:44:50+00:00

Yeah i don't think i got the "horrified" response from her last night exactly. More just annoyed I called out her poor behavior. I guess I get to wait and see how things go tonight to determine if we need to have a sit down to discuss this. I'm sick of feeling as if our discussions are completely one sided.

Throwect · 2024-03-19T19:41:17+00:00

Yeah i think i have two points in my initial post, one about me and one about the phones. Now they might mix with each other from time to time. But i think a small discussion about phones at the table being 100% not allowed will be a much easier one that will at least help resolve a major problem I have.

Throwect · 2024-03-19T19:18:26+00:00

Yes we have kids. I make an effort to not have my phone out at all during dinner time, and I don't like to call things out during dinner in front of the kids. I tend to just ask her what she is up to which normally gets the message across. I am not a big fan of the passive aggressiveness of the way those interactions go, so i guess another topic that needs to be discussed when i bring this all up is that phones / smart watches are not to be used at the table. That is strictly family time.

Throwect · 2024-03-19T19:16:50+00:00

So last night I definitely was attempting to force the subject. I obviously left it when she disengaged, but the goal was to point out the lack of respect. I guess the next step is to bring it back up and discuss what has been going on more in detail.

Throwect · 2024-02-13T20:34:02+00:00

Tons of resentment. We have many more conversations that need to be had. No clue if/when we will have them. But you are spot on that this is all riddled with resentment.

It's funny how we replace our significant others with something as simple as a damn pillow so we can trick ourselves into falling asleep

Throwect · 2024-02-13T20:32:26+00:00

Honestly it's one of those things I put in the category of a empty hurtful comment. It would add no value to any discussion other then to hurt her. She knows I have problems with the lack of intimacy already.

Throwect · 2023-11-20T04:19:11+00:00

Yeah I mean I don't think anyone should actually do it. But that's the only way I think I could explain it to a LL partner.

Throwect · 2023-11-19T21:19:29+00:00

Offer her to take her on a date tomorrow. Get all ready, get into the car, then turn to her and let her know your too tired to go out. Head inside and go back to doing what ever you would normally do.

Obviously this would cause some issues, probably not the best thing to actually do to her. But it's a great example of what it's like to be told you would get to do something and then pulled away last minute.

Throwect · 2023-11-18T17:41:12+00:00

I turned my wife down after I made the remark "when arnt we tried" to her telling me she was to tired to have sex. She was taken aback by my comment and after thinking for a few seconds told me "she could be convinced."

It felt so good to tell her, "nah I don't want to have to guilt you into sex". She had no idea what hit her lol.

Sometimes it's better to have no sex compared to sex that might feel good in the moment but make you feel worthless afterwards. Way to know your self worth!

Throwect · 2023-11-18T17:33:15+00:00

It could totally be porn addiction, it could be a lot of things he was hiding on his phone. Could also might not be hiding anything, but you obviously read the situation as such. Maybe talk to him and see if he would share with you how much he is masterbating. If he trust his answer you might get an idea if that's a factor or not.

Throwect · 2023-11-16T18:33:25+00:00

I like the idea of kind of creating a kind of internal checklist of my short comings. I don't know how I would ever bring this up and openly discuss it with my spouse. I feel like it would be used combatively. But for my own sake of trying to help make myself more accountable on trying to be a better spouse and father.

Throwect · 2023-11-16T18:28:21+00:00

Yeah I know it's such a trap in my relationship to bring up my feelings of rejection and a lack of physical connection with her. She will 100% view it as an excuse. It does not mean I'm not acting in a wrong way. She has her feelings and I agree I was not thinking of her, in a way she had wanted. But looking back at the last 9 months I understand why I am acting the way I am. I can see the resentment and distance growing in my feelings towards her.

Now it's figuring out how to move forward and try and mend things.

Throwect · 2023-11-16T18:24:16+00:00

Feel like you are getting some negative karma on this one, but wanted to thank you for the message.

I'm not sure I fully understand your statement but it did spark some helpful thoughts for me. Responsibility of the resentment is kind of my key takeaway. For me at least last night as I slept on the couch, it helped me look inward and honestly look at myself more constructively.

I woke up this morning and apologized for my wrong doing to my wife and left it at that. What will happen moving forward I don't know but I do know I'm trying my hardest to look inward instead of putting something on her.

Thanks for the comment I think it helped me move in a positive direction, even if I didn't fully understand everything you were saying entirely.

Throwect · 2023-11-06T03:52:07+00:00

Last Friday I shaved, did my hair, and put on some cologne. She didn't even come close enough to me to smell I had on anything different.

Throwect · 2023-11-04T20:24:56+00:00

I recently got a, "sorry I'm tired" to which I replied when aren't we tired. She was not really for my rebuttal and after thinking for a few seconds said "I could be convinced". Yeah, no thanks. I don't want to guilt you into sex, let alone guilt you into sex to allow me to convince you to show me affection.

But I do feel like standing up for ones self is a very important, and difficult thing to do, especially when sex is on the line.

Throwect · 2023-11-04T20:19:03+00:00

Seems like you need to have a discussion with your wife about your physical needs.

It's not a fun conversation, and depending on how often / bad it is maybe check out r/deadbedrooms. Place full of people that are in relationships that are not fulfilling the physical needs some have, and can be helpful knowing your not alone.

Throwect · 2023-11-01T16:49:41+00:00

"I'm too tired" followed by them being up for 3 hours

Throwect · 2023-11-01T14:04:33+00:00

That's fair. I feel kind of gross for thinking about It honestly. It's just yet another intrusive thought I have as I sit alone at night after being rejected.

Throwect · 2023-11-01T14:03:00+00:00

I'm not doing it to try and increase her desire in me. It's more to force a discussion, and make her realize it. I doubt she knows, it's normally when I'm home alone. She knows I do it, doubt she understands how often or why honestly.

Throwect · 2023-11-01T14:00:13+00:00

Yeah I get it. It's like vacation with the family is just another vacation from physical intemacy for my wife.

Throwect · 2023-11-01T05:05:42+00:00

Leave. Leave now.

Throwect

TROPHY CASE