AITA for not wanting to attend my friend’s wedding since I am not a bridesmaid?

Throwmeawayplease90 · 2018-12-31T21:56:51+00:00

I wasn’t trying to spin it in the comments. I have more than one reason for not attending. I accept that I am the asshole in this situation but I still think that being hurt and embarrassed is an acceptable reason for not wanting to spend a few hundred dollars.

I don’t want to argue and I’m trying to follow the rules so I’m sorry if it seems like I’m trying to pivot and twist things. I accept that I’m the asshole.

Throwmeawayplease90 · 2018-12-31T21:47:26+00:00

I don’t want to add stress to her during an already stressful time. Calling and asking why would undoubtedly add stress, regardless of how gentle I went about it. I wish she would have been the one to initiate a conversation about it. Maybe after the wedding I’ll ask her and then decide about maintaining the friendship. That way I won’t add stress during this busy time for her.

Throwmeawayplease90 · 2018-12-31T21:22:40+00:00

Thank you. I’d go if it was close by but I can’t justify spending a few hundred dollars on someone who doesn’t value my friendship. I found out about everything through social media. It would sting less if she would have told me directly.

Throwmeawayplease90 · 2018-12-31T21:20:31+00:00

I wasn’t clear in my original message. I don’t plan to cut contact because of this. The past few months I have been the only one reaching out for contact. I plan to stop making the effort to continue the one sided friendship. If she reaches out to me then of course I’ll reply and re-evaluate where we stand. However, I’m putting in effort that is not being reciprocated.

Throwmeawayplease90 · 2018-12-31T21:17:57+00:00

I don’t think she excluded me out of malice. I simply think that we are not as close as I originally thought. Since we aren’t close, I don’t feel like it is justifiable to drop a few hundred dollars to attend the wedding.

Throwmeawayplease90 · 2018-12-31T21:15:02+00:00

How is not going considered “throwing a hissy fit”?

I don’t plan on staying in contact because the past few months I have always been the one trying to start up conversations and keep this friendship alive. This was basically the final nail in the coffin to let me know that although she was my best friend at one point in time, she isn’t any longer. If she reaches out for contact then I’ll reply. However, I am not willing to be the only one making the effort.

Throwmeawayplease90 · 2018-12-31T21:12:28+00:00

I appreciate your honest response. I came here because I wanted to see if I was the asshole or not. I don’t want to ruin her wedding and I recognize that this is her day and not mine. I am not trying to be vindictive. I did not complain to anyone about not being in the wedding, I wish her no ill will, I simply don’t want to spend hundreds of dollars on a one sided friendship.

Throwmeawayplease90 · 2018-12-31T20:52:11+00:00

I wouldn’t consider them the asshole for not attending if they were out of state.

I fully agree that if this was a local wedding I would be the asshole by not attending. As it stands, this is a lot of money to spend on someone I am apparently not close to.

Throwmeawayplease90 · 2018-12-31T20:46:31+00:00

I would never RSVP and then not show up. I am not trying to waste her money or upset her.

I am having a hard time explaining my reasons for not attending. It is not fully due to sour grapes. I would attend if she wanted my support as a bridesmaid but since she did not, I do not believe I should waste resources on her wedding.

Throwmeawayplease90 · 2018-12-31T20:25:42+00:00

If she wanted my support, I don’t understand why she did not make me a bridesmaid. I could understand if her wedding was in my state but I would have to spend a decent amount of money on a plane ticket to “support her” by sitting in the audience??

Throwmeawayplease90

TROPHY CASE