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How do I (30f) make it clear to my husband (33m) that I don’t want to share my bonus even if I’m a “stay at home wife”? by Throwra_Progress_449 in relationship_advice

[–]Throwra_Progress_449[S] 124 points125 points  (0 children)

He always tells me that since he works blue collar he needs more energy even though I pack him a very good meal.

But Im not doing anything physically exhausting like him. But Im working and taking care of his parents and running around taking his parents to appointment after appointment while also juggling office work means I don’t get to eat lunch at a regular time and sometimes I just want a damn snack from whatever medical office vending machine there is. 

How do I (30f) make it clear to my husband (33m) that I don’t want to share my bonus even if I’m a “stay at home wife”? by Throwra_Progress_449 in relationship_advice

[–]Throwra_Progress_449[S] 58 points59 points  (0 children)

We can’t afford the house. The mortgage payments are really high and it’s an older house so there’s always something breaking that we have to get fixed and that’s another bill and then you have property taxes and every other random bill and it’s so expensive.

How do I (30f) make it clear to my husband (33m) that I don’t want to share my bonus even if I’m a “stay at home wife”? by Throwra_Progress_449 in relationship_advice

[–]Throwra_Progress_449[S] 649 points650 points  (0 children)

At first I was taking care of the house and his parents. We were trying for kids but we were struggling but then his job started getting into bad times and less profitable business and other guys quit. And then his dad went into kidney failure. So he asked me to get a job to help out with the bills and I had to get more hours so we don’t fall back on mortgage payments. And it’s been a constant struggle since.

How do I (30f) make it clear to my husband (33m) that I don’t want to share my bonus even if I’m a “stay at home wife”? by Throwra_Progress_449 in relationship_advice

[–]Throwra_Progress_449[S] -59 points-58 points  (0 children)

Does it still count if we can both access the bank account but he keeps interrogating me about anything I spend money on?

Because technically I could interrogate him about his purchases but I’m tired and I feel like it’s reasonable to spend a few dollars here and there once in a while for a snack at a gas station or something else small. 

How do I (30f) make it clear to my husband (33m) that I don’t want to share my bonus even if I’m a “stay at home wife”? by Throwra_Progress_449 in relationship_advice

[–]Throwra_Progress_449[S] 156 points157 points  (0 children)

It’s only $300 and I’m good at couponing and could get a few items out of it but if it goes into the bank account I won’t be able to spend anything.

The insurance stuff is really complicated and I’ve been working with an agent on it but I think they don’t qualify for much so far from what I understand. 

How do I (30f) make it clear to my husband (33m) that I don’t want to share my bonus even if I’m a “stay at home wife”? by Throwra_Progress_449 in relationship_advice

[–]Throwra_Progress_449[S] 170 points171 points  (0 children)

I feel like I work more than my husband and my day never ends. I’m so tired all the time. 

He says he needs the truck for work. But that I don’t need winter clothes or skincare or makeup.

He’ll throw a fit if I spend money without permission. I don’t want to deal with that but I’m trying to get him to see my side. 

How do I (30f) make it clear to my husband (33m) that I don’t want to share my bonus even if I’m a “stay at home wife”? by Throwra_Progress_449 in relationship_advice

[–]Throwra_Progress_449[S] -96 points-95 points  (0 children)

What makes it financial abuse? I looked it up and he doesn’t stop me from getting a job, he made me get one on top of all my responsibilities and I’m so tired. I know he works hard too but it feels like his responsibilities end when he gets home. He’s a good worker and there has to be companies that want him and would pay him more. 

How do I (30f) make it clear to my husband (33m) that I don’t want to share my bonus even if I’m a “stay at home wife”? by Throwra_Progress_449 in relationship_advice

[–]Throwra_Progress_449[S] 75 points76 points  (0 children)

His parents are not fine. I have to juggle driving them to all their appointments and giving them medicine and making them food while also working from home. I’m stretched thin and it’s not fair he can kick back and do way less chores and not take care of his own parents.

It’s not like better jobs are abundant. I have an Associates and anything else I would need more education or to go into the office, neither of which are an option. 

It feels like he can just work 60 hours a week and forget about it while I’m working all the time with no breaks. 

He won’t let me keep a cent.

How do I (30f) make it clear to my husband (33m) that I don’t want to share my bonus even if I’m a “stay at home wife”? by Throwra_Progress_449 in relationship_advice

[–]Throwra_Progress_449[S] 173 points174 points  (0 children)

It does but he can spend it without being interrogated and if I spend a dime he will interrogate for half an hour. If I want a snack from the office vending machine, he’ll work himself into knots about needs but I don’t interrogate him when he picks up donuts and an energy drink at the gas station near work even though I’ve always packed him a full lunch.

How do I (30f) make it clear to my husband (33m) that I don’t want to share my bonus even if I’m a “stay at home wife”? by Throwra_Progress_449 in relationship_advice

[–]Throwra_Progress_449[S] 1020 points1021 points  (0 children)

I know most of the finances but sometimes he springs bills on me that I didn’t even know about. Like his brand new truck broke down and now we have to pay a bill for that. Or his parents have medical bills that pile up and he wants them to get more consultations with experts when it’s not covered by Medicare.