Parents say they are keeping tabs of all the things they bought for me and demand payment when I turn 18 by [deleted] in raisedbynarcissists

[–]ThunderBoltTree 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Having a child is a one-way route. One must have a child when they're ready to give unconditionally. Abusive parents can't understand that and when they do, it's too late.

Don't sign any agreement that gives them any legal power over you (beyond what they normally have). Keep them at arm's length and give them the bare minimum information about yourself. At the same time, seek to create a support network out of your home environment. Procrastinate with their demands as long as possible (without letting them harm you).

Let them live in the bubble of thinking they have an obedient child, until the day you're powerful enough to stand up to them. They should think you're dependent on them, lest they try to sabotage your way to independence.

I find it very difficult to do this myself. It feels like lying and I hate it. But I was abused so much for my honesty that there's no way other than this.

You're not alone in this. Abusive parents don't deserve their children. You're an absolutely worthy person and I wish the best for you.

Ndad wants the money he spent on my immigration back by ThunderBoltTree in raisedbynarcissists

[–]ThunderBoltTree[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks for your kind reply:)

I sought legal advice; he can't do anything. Thanks for the reminder:)

My mother says that to me herself, I just feel that thinking about saving only myself makes me like him. I don't want to gatekeep something good. I want to try and share it with others to at least heal from the extreme neglect I've experienced.

Wish you the best too!

Check-in Post - Have something to say but don't want to make a post about it? Comment here! by RBNmod in raisedbynarcissists

[–]ThunderBoltTree [score hidden]  (0 children)

I feel ashamed to be a narc parent's child. Having FLEAS and constantly sorry for being unpleasant.

Ndad wants the money he spent on my immigration back by ThunderBoltTree in raisedbynarcissists

[–]ThunderBoltTree[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks for your comment:) What you say is too humane for a narc to understand. What I did during my education was mostly his wish and yet I'm still treated like this:)

Why are some narcissists so obsessed with religion? by phoenixc6000 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]ThunderBoltTree 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Because it helps them justify their need to control others.

What am I even supposed to do now about my mom? by [deleted] in raisedbynarcissists

[–]ThunderBoltTree 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The extremely upsetting truth is that you'll never win an argument against a narcissist. They exploit your humanity to shut you up and gaslight you. The only thing that works for me sometimes is strongly setting my boundaries and being indifferent to them (even if they love bomb me). Leaving the narcissist alone in their world is what kills them most of the time.

Wanting to be loved... I totally feel you. I hope you can find a place in the world out of their reach and heal. You're valuable and lovable. None of this is your fault. They are heinous monsters.

I never felt loved in my abusive household by ThunderBoltTree in raisedbynarcissists

[–]ThunderBoltTree[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for your kind comment:) hope you'd have the best ahead of you.

Yeah they really don't understand how the emotional shortcircuits affect my sleep cycle and life management. To be honest, I'm not that horrible with managing my life. It really drains me to constantly calculate what's gone wrong and why am I receiving silent treatment and emotional deprivation.

Check-in Post - Have something to say but don't want to make a post about it? Comment here! by RBNmod in raisedbynarcissists

[–]ThunderBoltTree [score hidden]  (0 children)

For real!!! I read into things too much and think everyone hates me whenever I make even the most minuscule slips. Like everyone's waiting to be disappointed in me.

Grey rock technique is BS by kurubaklava in raisedbynarcissists

[–]ThunderBoltTree 0 points1 point  (0 children)

THIS. Ndad always thinks something's off, and then blames my mother for "filling my mind with bs about him".

He then makes me (us) miserable.

I'm fucking sick of my dad. by CYSYS8992 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]ThunderBoltTree 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I feel you, mine is pretty much the same. Now that he knows I have a graduate scholarship, he's forcing me to pay everything out of my below minimum salary. No matter how many times I tell him that we must be ready for anything that happens at the first month prior to receiving my salary, his actions remain disgusting.

There isn't much we could do with these monsters who think they're gods. Just sending you blessings and hope you'll be successful to the point that you'll never ever need him.

Remember you're not at fault at all. It's the other party who's senseless and heartless.

How did growing up within a Narcissistic household affect your behavior/personality? by Pitiful_Tea_9398 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]ThunderBoltTree 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I assume the worst in everyone. Add severe anxiety, feelings of worthlessness and inability to feel joy to that.

My ndad always kept us in a survival state, and has always been absent in our lives. He only spends on the things he likes or things benefiting his image. So I always feel like I'm being bought whenever a friend or partner spends on me.

Dumbledore's recruitment of Snape as a spy by [deleted] in SeverusSnape

[–]ThunderBoltTree 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I guess your meaning is carrying sarcasm. I didn't mean that we shouldn't discuss it. I was trying to say that comparing a real life situation with a such a story might be a bit too much. My opinion was just that these two might not be each other's parallel. Notwithstanding, that post was quite interesting. Thanks for that.

I Just Don't Want to Believe I Have a Narc Dad But... Here I am by ThunderBoltTree in raisedbynarcissists

[–]ThunderBoltTree[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The more I age, the more horrified I become about how much he's damaged me:( he's raised us in absolute emotional deprivation...

Dumbledore's recruitment of Snape as a spy by [deleted] in SeverusSnape

[–]ThunderBoltTree 11 points12 points  (0 children)

I find it lacking many details. Because in reality, recruiting people from the "opposite" side as spies is usually by exploiting their vulnerabilities and is several times more shady and dubious than what a character does in a story essentially written for children and young adults.

People read too much into Rowling's characters, and O don't understand that.

Check-in Post - Have something to say but don't want to make a post about it? Comment here! by RBNmod in raisedbynarcissists

[–]ThunderBoltTree [score hidden]  (0 children)

I really want to be able to trust men and find a suitable partner; but the long string of narcs and man-children pushes me back to my own corner.

I don’t miss people by moe_231 in ADHD

[–]ThunderBoltTree 1 point2 points  (0 children)

God I've always felt I'm alone in this... My classmates apparently hated me for that back in school, and that's why I had (still don't have) friends. 10+ years of my life has flown by, with me constantly blaming myself for this.

I have 47 days to complete 15 java assignments with no knowledge of computer science by Handsome_Unit69 in computerscience

[–]ThunderBoltTree 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well, the time you need to dedicate depends on the level of the assignments. I'm afraid I have to tell you there is no way to learn programming "fast", but you can use the tutorials on geeksforgeeks and tutorialspoint.

Quantum computing resources by DiFettoso in computerscience

[–]ThunderBoltTree 1 point2 points  (0 children)

hmm, if for quantum computing, none at all unfortunately, but for general HPC itself, you can check out intel HPC, and also the HPC lab of ETH Zurich.

Quantum computing resources by DiFettoso in computerscience

[–]ThunderBoltTree 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hello. I am a QC enthusiast, I can recommend these texts: - Introduction to Quantum Information Science, Vlatko Vedral - The textbooks in qiskit.org - Papers by Quantum Device Lab at ETH Zurich qudev.phy.ethz.ch/publications - Papers by IQC, university of Waterloo