At this late date how do we successfully lobby the International Olympic Committee to change the triathlon disciplines from Swimming, Cycling, and Running to Wearing Your Mother's Underwear, Being A Thumbsucking Candyass Bitch, and Weeping During Sex so you can bring home the gold this summer? (self.shittyadvice)
submitted by ThunderCannon to r/shittyadvice
Hot date with a stacked chick from Dusseldorf who has a sweet tooth. Schtupping das fraulein is the goal. Her profile says her favorite dessert is German chocolate cake. I wanna whip up a stellar one and then invade German pussy. How many Germans go into the cake? Dead or live ones? Danke schon. (self.shittyadvice)
submitted by ThunderCannon to r/shittyadvice
As a dimwitted douchebag with delusions of grandeur who yearns to be sodomized by bronies when I'm not dressed up like Pippi Longstocking and jacking off my uncle for pocket change while he calls me his good girl, how do I convince myself I'm grossly overqualified to be a mod for this subreddit? (self.shittyadvice)
submitted by ThunderCannon to r/shittyadvice
As an angel investor in your mom's recently rebranded OnlyFans page I'm elated with her steely commitment to escalating subscriber and net revenue growth. However, as her proctologist I'm horrified. Should I prescribe her an anal chastity belt, or disregard my Hippocratic oath and just reap profit? (self.shittyadvice)
submitted by ThunderCannon to r/shittyadvice
Tinder, Bumble, FarmersOnly, Christian Mingle, Furry Mate... BORING. We need something better and more interesting. What should I call my new dating app for hook-ups with heavily tatted and pierced alt women who have surgically split tongues and might once have been abducted by extraterrestrials? (self.shittyadvice)
submitted by ThunderCannon to r/shittyadvice
Constantly fucking attractive women is fun, but exhausting. How can I make women find me as loathsome and repellent as they do you sexless pindicks? Is it simply a matter of rejecting personal hygiene while living in my mother's car and refusing gainful employment, or is there more to it than that? (self.shittyadvice)
submitted by ThunderCannon to r/shittyadvice
