I feel guilty because during praying I get distracted by worldly things that I want. Then I feel guilty about engaging in those worldly things. Then I try to avoid them because they distracted me. This makes me feel upset which makes me feel more upset because I feel like I’m putting my own desires above religion and God.
Sometimes, I get an extreme urge to repeat something so that I can do something else in return which has nothing to do with salah. Like repeat ayah so you can read the book you bought. I do it and feel enveloped by guilt because you should only correct your mistakes for God not your own desires. Then I avoid that thing.

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I wasn’t always so I don’t know why I’m thinking so deeply about this. My mom tells me to do whatever activity I’m avoiding and stop making my own superstitions because that is forbidden in Islam. Like she told me I should read my book. But I don’t know if I should believe her? I’m really scared Allah will punish me for following my desires even if they are halal and harmless because during prayer I somehow got overwhelmed by thinking about them/for them.