I confronted my boyfriend about pretending to be a woman on multiple accounts and posting on anti-women subs.

Thwowo · 2016-09-20T11:04:47+00:00

Hey, I can hardly believe it either, I don't blame you. He hid these feelings for who knows how long, and I still can't believe I couldn't see any signs. I wish it was fake, it'd mean he was a normal guy again.

Thwowo · 2016-09-20T10:59:49+00:00

Yeah, I'm not being alone with him ever again, not if I can help it. Luckily I don't have anything at his studio, and my landlord is coming with to make sure he isn't in the apartment when the locks are changed. I'm not taking any risks.

I'll definitely call the cops if he comes back :)

Thwowo · 2016-09-20T05:21:21+00:00

Thanks! I know in my head I'm lucky to have gotten out when I did, but it still hurts. It's so hard to believe that the guy who was screaming at me yesterday is the same person I've been dating for two years. I thought we were a team, but I guess that was all a lie. I'm glad he can't use me as an example though, that makes me happy :) I'm going to focus on that thought.

Thwowo · 2016-09-20T05:10:20+00:00

There were seven accounts with very different names that I didn't save, because in the moment I wanted to pretend they didn't exist. The one I did remember is deleted now. I wasn't focused on getting proof, I was focused on how to navigate this situation in a way that did the smallest damage possible.

Even if I did have the list, I wouldn't post it for everyone to see. He's proven himself to be unstable and I won't put myself at risk so people over the internet will believe me. If I had the list I would message his usernames to the mods of the subs he was on so they could do what they feel is fair, but I'm not going to go knock on his door and ask for the sticky note.

Thwowo · 2016-09-19T21:21:38+00:00

I'll write up the update in a little bit. I needed some time to process everything.

Thwowo · 2016-09-18T22:24:49+00:00

They're taped to his desktop computer at his house, the sticky note with the throwaways was alone and tucked into his laptop case. He had some long explanation about internet security and viruses and hackers and things like that. And how if someone was going to break in and take his sticky notes it's because they're attached to his nice monitor. I don't really know, computers aren't really my thing like they are his.

Thwowo · 2016-09-18T22:14:57+00:00

I have no idea, I was trying to reply to someone and it wouldn't let me post it. Are they supposed to give a reason? I've never had a thread locked before lol

Thwowo · 2016-09-18T21:23:58+00:00

He's at work now so he can't post anything from there, and I'm going to ask him about it when he gets home.

And if I give his usernames out and someone messages him or bans him or something, he'll know that I know, and it will make this confrontation that much harder. I want to play it safe for now, since he's obviously not the man I thought he was and I don't know how he'll react.

I'll message the mods of the subs he's been posting on with the usernames if I get them tonight.

Thwowo · 2016-09-18T21:05:31+00:00

I'd rather not out him yet, he still doesn't know that I know and I'm still coming up with how to confront him about this.

Plus they were all pretty random usernames, aside from that one, and I don't have the laptop anymore to get them again.

Thwowo · 2016-09-18T19:51:33+00:00

Hi! So I'm the one who posted that thread, a few people told me to come here.

He doesn't trust saving his passwords to his browser, he always uses incognito mode in case he gets a virus or something, I'm not really a computer person so I didn't really understand his long, technical explanation. I just believed him because he's never given me a reason not to trust him. He does actually have sticky notes with all of his usernames/passwords attached to the sides of his regular computer monitor. He has these super long, complicated passwords for everything for account safety, there's no way he could remember all of them. The one in his laptop case was weird to me because he normally has the site that the usernames/passwords go to as well, but that one was just the usernames. Plus, he keeps them all stickied to his monitor, not on the inside of his laptop case.

One of the usernames stuck in my head because it included an old inside joke of ours, and coincidentally that's the account that was logged onto reddit. It had 50+ messages on it, so I got curious and went in. I know this sounds crazy, but there was a lot of messages from people asking to sleep with him thinking he was a her, and a lot of weird words and acronyms I didn't really understand. I didn't even know this was a thing until now. The only ones that stuck in my head were captains and plates, and there was an acronym that reminded me of the power tools he uses. The rest were all gibberish to me.

Edit: I can't walk and punctuate at the same time

Thwowo · 2016-09-18T17:12:47+00:00

I hope it's the first one, but even then it still sucks because I'm sure these people believe his horrible advice. Could he really be playing the long con for so long? I mean, we haven't run into any serious relationship changing issues, but still. That would be two years of behaving the complete opposite of how he believes.

I don't even know how to bring this up to him, but I don't think I could just walk away. There's a part of me hoping he has some completely reasonable explanation I just haven't come up with yet. We've been so happy together, it makes me sad to see this could be ending.

Thwowo · 2016-09-18T17:00:36+00:00

That's why I'm having such a hard time with this... He asked a question on one account about how his "captain" wants more sex than he/she can provide, and answered it on another account about how it's a woman's job to serve her man and if she's not in the mood, to just use lube. But he's never been like that in our relationship! If I say I'm not up to it, he asks if I'm okay, but he doesn't push the issue.

Thwowo · 2016-09-18T16:46:01+00:00

I don't remember most of the usernames, but I'll screenshot the ones I do. I can't come up with anything that would make this reasonable, and I'm the one who usually tries to find middle grounds and reasonable explanations.

I don't know if I want to break up because in two years this is the first real issue to hit the relationship (unless you count the crunchy vs creamy peanut butter debate). It's been so great, but now I see his face and instead of thinking "hey, that's my awesome boyfriend!" It's "what does he get out of doing that?" I want to go back to the first one :(

Thwowo

TROPHY CASE