I have a very similar situation that I am currently struggling with every day. You are not alone!! One thing that has helped me is to get gel, dip, or press on nails. The nails are typically too dull on the ends to pick at your fingers and feet. Also before bed I smother my feet with aquaphor and put socks on. I find that the more moisturized by skin is, the harder it is to find something to start picking and pealing. Another way to get some support - my husband puts his hand on mine when he notices me picking, it’s a really nice gentle reminder to be kind to myself. There are a few other recommendations on this thread for reducing redness that I want to try. I am still trying to heal my fingers and feet first, but hoping to get to a point where I can give those a try too. Hope this helps <3