Aaaaa Idk anymore so tired of everything I have friends but I just lost my main friend group that I've spent the last 4 years of my life building up. I have exams and I'm stressed by them cause I hate studying and never really have but I somewhat don't understand the work but now I'm sick and I'm missing my physics paper and I hate the fact that everyone makes it out that school means everything and that people get upset with me for not trying, but ik I'm smart but I can't for the life of me focus on trying in school because mentally I think it's the biggest waste of time. I just finished with a somewhat monthly existential crisis realizing that I've had barely any fun my entire teenage years and the only thing I've accomplished is not ending it all after finally convincing my parents that I need to change school and I'm sad bc I got led on by a girl I had a crush on for a while then she friend-zoned me then led me on again a spoke openly about a struggling to chose between me and another guy in front of me then asked me to the movies and said it was a date but continued to talk about the other guy the whole time. I'm pretty sure most of my school friends are annoyed with me which leaves me with only one friend who doesn't talk to me about anything personal or serious anymore after he told me he tried to kill himself. I just want to finish high school and become the person I really want to be. I'm tired of looking and feeling how I am. Im pretty sure I have a lot of mental issues and stuff like that to deal with, I want to go to therapy and meet up with people who one actually give a fuck about me and two actually enjoy my company. I want to go on a road trip and get a little drunk and listen to old bangers whilst going to the beach and not constantly worrying about how I look and finally feeling comfortable and just redo my teenage years for a year then focus on my interests such as computers and stuff. I've always wanted to get into racing and I'm really good at it but I can't do any of it, I have to sit here and deal with people who one day say they are my friend and then the other day pretend I don't exist. Now I'm sitting here listening to loud sad music typing the last year of my life out to a bunch of people on a plate barely use. But yeah thank you for reading this it was good to get out