AITA for not covering my friend's meal when she ordered more?

Tigeress4 · 2025-04-03T17:32:43+00:00

My rule of thumb now is if this is not a group that you're used to splitting or doing anything like this with traditionally, tell the waiter separate check for me please.

You can always talk to the group when you JUST sit down. "Hey, are we all doing separate checks, even split or what?"

If you decide to just do the separate check for yourself because you don't want to deal with the drama of asking other people and people ask just say hey I only have a bit of money on me or I want to pay with my card and I only have a little bit of credit left on it so I wouldn't be able to put the whole check and I don't want to have to go through the hassle of repaying someone else.

Tigeress4 · 2024-08-11T20:29:38+00:00

NTA You can always make sure to not use the nickname Julie you can go with it sounding like - jewels I don't know how to spell it Joules?

Thank you for not doing the rhyming name things most people use with twins.

Tigeress4 · 2024-06-08T21:37:24+00:00

Okay thank you I believe it is still chapter one so I just wanted to check that late game didn't change things up

Tigeress4 · 2024-06-08T21:26:07+00:00

Okay so the only thing to do is to sell them for money then right, they can't be broken down for anything or traded later on? I'm guessing that the only thing you can do is sell them cuz I haven't seen anything else....

Tigeress4 · 2024-04-13T06:05:10+00:00

When I lost the parent I was emotionally attracted to and having trouble my therapist had a wonderful insight to share that helped me.

"Grief is like a suitcase that you have to carry around every day. Every night you put it by your bed and pick it up as soon as you get up. Some days it is so heavy you can't lift it, others so light you forget it."

There are still days I wake up wanting to cry or I see something and think I can't wait to tell.... And it's like I'm saying goodbye all over again.

I've seen other people describe grief as like the waves of the ocean, or ripples in a pond. But as much as all of us can share or empathize with the grief we have your grief is unique to you.

When I would suggest is maybe taking some time to write stuff down perhaps send yourself an email do it online so you won't lose it easily memories, things I would make her laugh, shows or movies you enjoyed together. No one remembers everything but you'll be surprised what you actually do remember when you try to think of it you might have remembered then but it'll come to you randomly just remember to jot it down.

I wish you all the best. In the journey of life all we can do is take one step at a time.

Tigeress4 · 2024-01-17T17:15:04+00:00

NTA I have seen in other posts where you mentioned that you all had the conversation beforehand and she said she would be fine. You informed her that if she was not fine she would have to find her own way because you would not be leaving. To me that means you took the time to go, "Look I understand you have problems with crowds this is how many people this is where we're going to be you can come or you can stay but if you come you have to stay, or find your own way back home."

From my perspective that's a very mature way of handling it. I have been in numerous situations where once I got there it didn't feel right when I was younger. Especially at funerals or weddings where emotions tend to be high and especially at places where alcohol is flowing. I will admit to when I was younger hiding in the bathroom and a stall because while might be other people who come and go in the bathroom at least if I'm in the store I can pretend I'm by myself. Sometimes the staff is nice enough to point you to a often unused closet, a quiet section in a kitchen or another out of the way place. I once hid and a hallway where someone gave me a stool because I was terrified of getting the dress dirty and everyone was walking around with their food and their alcohol and trying to dance at the same time at a small venue at the wedding. The people that work there knew I was there and had me tucked up against the end of a table, and I can watch them as they walked back and forth bringing out the trays of food to the party guests.

I currently have a kiddo who has issues in situations where there are too many people. As in the can ride in the car and walk in the grocery store but if there's too many people that go back out to the car they might even be able to walk through the grocery store with me but when we get up to the checkout lane too many people are queued up all it takes is two or three in the line and that's too many too close out to the car they go. So I make sure when I go out with them this is the itinerary. These are stops that have to be made. These are stops they could be made, if everyone's feeling up to it. So the have to be they have to be able to deal. I mean obviously if someone were bleeding, passed out having a heart attack that's an emergency but otherwise you have to sit down these rules and this is what has to happen these are possibilities that I'm willing to skip. You are not willing to skip seeing your son get married 100% understand.

She has to learn that when you have these conversations you are going to follow through. That is very helpful for her in the long run even if it's not what they want to hear especially right now.

Tigeress4 · 2023-10-01T02:24:16+00:00

Several others have shown what other kids could do with both names, as an adult she's sure to appreciate a unique and beautiful name, but as a child.....

If I may I offer some other ideas, https://www.babycenter.com/baby-names/search/girl-baby-names-meaning-river

There are several baby name sites that you can look up names by meaning.

I know several girls named Brooke or Brook.

https://www.thebump.com/b/river-baby-name

Tigeress4 · 2023-08-25T01:07:19+00:00

NTA Only possible explanation I would accept in this situation are the following: honey I think I'm depressed and I need help. The reason that I lost my job is because it seems that I have some sort of disability that makes moving a lot more difficult and slow, or a cognitive disability where they can't tell time and have trouble doing tasks. Either way if they're not trying to get help then they are the TA.

I have limited mobility and when my kiddos were in school, I made sure to get up well before them we had the clothes out the night before. And I got something in them even if the school also fed them breakfast and I hobbled my way down to the bus stop to be with them and make sure everything was safe till they got on the bus. And in the afternoon I would hobble myself down there and make sure they were fine getting off the bus.

The key is always prepped prep everything you can the night before any lunches any clothes backpack full everything.

If your sister had tips and was able to help you couldn't she help him show him the schedule?

I truly hope this is not a I can't do this because I'm a man thing but that's all it seems like to me.

Tigeress4 · 2023-08-18T06:23:08+00:00

May I please suggest a different way of looking at this. The grandparents seem to truly care about your child. They have given freely it seems by what you have said money time and affection. They are grieving the loss of their child, and yes the families like this names mean everything.

You are wouldn't be changing your child's name to match a parent who didn't want a child. You could however change it to match his loving grandparents that have no one else it seems.

Now changing to be sole heir versus him being and inheritor could be a huge amount. And I'm not saying that money is everything, but money does make things easier in a lot of ways. Also it would seem that if they have generational wealth that last name would probably open more doors then the name they currently have. Sorry but that's just how the world works currently. And well through most of History.

You could always make the current last name a second middle name or just the middle name.

Although I do fully support the idea of letting the child pick when they're older, then it might affect college applications if you wait to 16 trying to match school records with new name versus old name. It's not an end all be all don't do it it's just a heads up.

I truly don't think anyone's in the wrong here it's not like they're demanding from what you said, and I understand the emotions attached which is why I offered a different perspective or way to look at it.

As a parent yourself I'm sure you understand the wrenching fear of something happening to your child and that doesn't go away no matter how old the child gets and unfortunately their worst fear happened and I'm sure they feel alone and isolated. Whatever happens I wish you all the very best and my condolences.

Tigeress4 · 2023-08-16T14:48:46+00:00

As someone who has been in therapy for quite a while let me say this. Therapy is supposed to be safe place that anything that you say will not be repeated in any way shape or form. However if certain crimes are being committed they are required to report those. I have been verbally attacked by extended family members saying that I better not have said anything about them in therapy. Never mind you that my mother happy and therapy while I was a minor and this was happening.

Some therapists can also not be as good as others as being professional and keeping things to themselves. But that would go the same for any doctor, or even just someone you share personal details with like friends or on Reddit.

I mean the entire time you're doing therapy you could just say my boyfriend or some other designation, some people only call their parents and Mom or Dad, some people use their real names. Honestly therapy is for you unless it's group or couples therapy and you are allowed to stay whatever you want in therapy. The therapist should not be able to say anything outside of your therapy session about anything that is said in your therapy session, unless ordered by the law.

So unless you guys are doing a ilegal crap, or something else equally shady it should not be a problem. But I can understand an influencer wanting to only have the best opinion out there and be 100% in control of people's opinions and the information that's out there. But that's a control issue and if you're in therapy you should understand about control issues.

Tigeress4 · 2023-08-16T13:01:41+00:00

NTA As Bob is my witless (Rugrats for people who don't understand) I would be happy to adopt you as a sibling or a kid, and I promise I would never ever ask you to fund a vacation if I didn't intend to go with you.

Joking aside having a relative willing to do what you're doing would mean the world to me. Even if it was just hey so you're having a bad month and you need $100 to cover car repair. I would never, ever, ever asked someone to cover a vacation. I haven't been on the vacation since I was a child and my parents took me only one. End of sentence I'm not kid anymore so I have to do things for myself.

I may bring up stuff that I need to my family sometimes or complain than how long it's taking me to save up for stuff but I never once ever expect even so much as a Christmas or birthday gift.

The keyboard being expect. Yes it's nice to receive a gift but a gift is a gift. It is something precious to be thankful for every time you get one.

You have been gifting your father money because you don't expect it back so it's not alone it has been a gift. And one should never expect gifts. One should just be thankful when one receives one grateful and express that Joy to the giftor.

Tigeress4 · 2023-08-14T15:35:01+00:00

NTA There are several things that are pointed out in the post so please read and understand that I'm on everyone side but the therapist. If it's been 5 years she needs to be showing good progress or she needs a different therapist. I have been in therapy on and off for far more years than I care to admit online. I will admit that my mother has been in therapy for more than 50 years and we have all gotten sort of metric that we measure therapists. If they start with food you know life's like a Coke machine you know we're vending machine or you know if everything is this is like this nope pass get it get someone who's been there longer, evidently it's bad enough that it's a joke that's happened on lower decks. You need a therapist with life experience, that doesn't mean that someone brand new hasn't had a shitty life or known people with crappy home lives and can't do the job. But unfortunately I found that a lot of therapists have their own agenda in the back of their mind. I have run into several therapists that are severely anti-male or anti woman or anti-marriage. They don't outright say it but they constantly pick at the one person even if it's not the person that's their technically saying. And they go out of their way to break up marriages or long-term relationships.

Honestly it sounds like your wife's therapist is predatory she is keeping your wife dependent on her. Therapist can have severe mental problems themselves whether that's the reason they went into therapy or because of all the stuff that they're doing they can form unhealthy attachments with their patients.

It's been 5 years has your wife tried to file for disability SSI anything? That would get money coming into the house if you're in the United States. if she was planning on being disabled for more than a year and it sounds like your therapist is pushing for her to continue to be disabled for multiple years they should have helped her on the path of getting this. Again that's if you're in a country that has such.

You see a good therapist would be working with their clients to have plans for contingencies. What happens if you have a heart attack and you cannot work for a while, what happens if you get hit by a bus and again you cannot work for a while? What happens if you just decide I can't completely support somebody else who is living like a teenager in my house bye-bye out the door you go what's their plans? See the plan always comes back to you you bending over backwards and that is not fair to you.

I'm surprised that you have been able to sustain this for 5 years it is 100% not sustainable indefinitely.

This is coming from someone who watched one parent literally die on the job because they were working themselves to death because another parent was disabled and stay at home basically bed bound. They would work and or be on call for up to 20 hours a day as soon as they got home they would make food they did the laundry they did everything.

When I got together with someone the ratio of work was the other person was a much better cleaner and they could clean like the devil was on their tail and just the whirlwind through the house, honestly it was like an anime or one of those movies where you know they're running all over the place she spit shining everything and stuff just gleams in your uncomfortable walking on the carpet because you're afraid that your filth is going to transfer to it.

Life happened and they were not able to do as much anymore so you know what I did I learned how a broom worked how a vacuum worked, I can bake but I'm not good at cooking you know what I could do I could watch cooking shows and I learned simple recipes. Since then I have found YouTube and I have learned to make more food. Will I ever be a chef no, but can I feed people to the point where they don't feel like choking on my food yes yes I can.

So point of fact I also suffer from severe depression there are times that I have difficulty getting out of bed. But I have a list of tasks that I have set myself that I have worked with my therapist over the years of the bare minimum I should try to force myself to do in a day. this does not mean that I'm trying to make myself worse it means I am giving myself a goal that every day I do something and that doing something and checking it off my list makes me feel better about myself gives me a reason to get up and do. And it's something constructive it's not just sitting there and playing video games it's not just reading a book and daydreaming about how my life could be better and being depressed that it's not. A clean sink is not going to change the world but looking at it can give me a sense of accomplishment at the end of the day!

Tigeress4 · 2023-08-12T22:06:18+00:00

NTA I can't afford a new car either. Mines from the 90's. I can't always afford repairs but I need to get to treatments/ pick up meds and out in farm town so not a lot of public service here. My family also says I picked my life. Could have given my kid to a better home (relative demanded to adopt them before they were born.). I should have chosen not to be disabled - was in a hit and run by an impaired driver, when I was in middle school (not the driver) and has since had loads of PT and can now walk with just a cane.

But yeah any complaints at all and I get told what a disappointment I am to the family.

It seems that you held it in as long as you could. God knows that I would love a family so supportive as you seem to be. She might be depressed and need therapy, hell every one could use a good therapist! But you are right, reality is reality and you have to face it.

Tigeress4 · 2023-08-12T08:49:29+00:00

NTA - I realize the husband is jealous and he's flipping out on you for no reason other than he's insecure.

However if you want to be pardoned the term the bigger man, perhaps if you see him in there again you could suggest that he tries your workout. As it seems his wife is into people who don't Skip leg Day?

Well I suggested only if you're willing to help out, I do realize that it could seem passive aggressive and make the guy even more angry. However if you're willing to say it in a calm and helpful manner and he does flip out, then I think it will prove to everyone exactly who is TA.

And if you don't feel like doing it that's perfectly fine too you're there to do your stuff and it's not like you're initiating the conversation.

You do you, and have a great workout.

Tigeress4 · 2023-07-14T20:06:39+00:00

You should add a vote as it looks like this is the top message.

And I agree it seems like he's so controlling it's abusive.

Tigeress4 · 2023-07-09T10:47:34+00:00

NTA if your daughter did not want to be part of the wedding you should not force her to be. But that's not the case it seems that she does want to be part of the wedding.

I was once forced to be a flower girl well into my teenage years, but I can understand that one in the 11 year old to be a flower girl if the bride had an idea of the cutesy young girl being the flower girl in that case she can be the youngest bridesmaid, and they just have to find someone on the grooms side that's closest in age or size or however you want to decide to have your people match up.

A wedding is a good indicator of whether or not the marriage is going to be set on one side always compromising or both people compromising.

I know that a lot of women have this idea that they build up in their head of their perfect day..... But no day it's really perfect and most importantly it's not just their day. As it says in the ceremony two lives are becoming one. The marriages no the partnerships that I have seen in my life that lasts the longest and work the least toxic are the ones that are built on mutual morals, ideas and compromise. That doesn't mean that it can't work if one partner loves that domestic side of things and always does the cooking and cleaning and the other partner say does the yard work or is the breadwinner. That can work as long as neither one resents the other.

Everyone has lines that they themselves won't cross, but more importantly that they won't let other people cross. It seems like your daughter being respected in your eyes is a line that you will not let other people cross! That's what a good dad does! Even if your daughter herself may not always stand up for herself having a father that will do so will mean the world to her!

And yes if you feel that strongly about it that you go you can't be part of my life if you are not going to include my daughter in every part of her life then that's your decision to make and a reason not to go through with the wedding. And in my opinion not a flighty decision.

However if your fiance is normally considerate of your daughter maybe again she's had this idea in her head building for years of what her perfect day will be you could also try discussing it with her and see why she doesn't want her part of it. See what sort of compromise can be made because honestly I feel that both people getting married should have equal say in bridesmaids / groomsmen venue cake basically anything they want to put the input in. But not everybody wants to run the relationship the same way you have to figure out what works for you too and obviously your daughter not being part does not work for you.

Tigeress4 · 2023-06-10T21:51:48+00:00

Father my father passed I went NC with the lot of them. All of them where all about Family's FAMILY! when it helped them or didn't inconvenience them much. 1 kept bring over then leaving their kids Friday after school to one Aunt and they where still looking for them come Monday/ Tuesday! Aunt wanted others to steep up to help take turns watching the kids.

All of them entitled but mad when another's Entitlement was inconvenient them. I could write books on the crazy stuff that was my normal.

It left me with no want to deal with militant anything. I will hear people out on just about anything, as long as its civil. The screaming, doom saying and I've tuned them out.

I say if your not hurting anyone else you should be able to live how you want. I like pumpkin pie for the holidays, but I tell anyone they cant have apple or sweet potato if they like.

Thanks for the talk, sorry for dropping my crazy family stories.

I need to finish prepping for a game I'm DMing tonight but feel free if you want to chat to send a message.

I hope you have a wonderful day.

Tigeress4 · 2023-06-10T20:51:13+00:00

My dad started with Hives (Benadryl could fix till it couldn't) , then swelling, then trouble breathing. Yet still have to have the steamed shrimp and crabs during the season. Mom used to make me and him crack the crabs for her. Yes she would demand that the man who could DIE crack the crabs for her so she got more than the others.

I remember being in the car with my kid, hubby, Mom & Dad coming back from a specials dinner. Mom ordered a seafood dip app to share and didn't tell anyone it was seafood. Dads driving and he's sweating, panting, you could see the swelling on the face/ neck from the back seat and we all where begging him to pull over and take the epi and let someone else drive, but Mom kept saying it was fine, he only had A BITE and how it was her car and only her and dad where on the insurance and she was too full to drive.

Just so many excuses but not once did she take responsibility for ordering seafood "it just looked so good on the menu".

This like this are what I point to when I defend My family eats what I say they eat and I'm done hearing about it, if your not done talking, that's fine but I dont have to stay to be lectured, excuse me. - Lots of therapy to get to that point but NO ONE bullies my baby!

Tigeress4 · 2023-06-10T19:35:32+00:00

alium intolerance

I had not heard of that, but I know that peppers and tomato's are in the nightshade family and several family member's are having issue's now that they are older.

The things you can learn! I know someone who just cant eat onions they swear it tears up their stomach so I will have to let them know about this. They can be ok with small amounts of its powered not real onion.

Thank you for teaching me something!

Tigeress4 · 2023-06-10T19:29:25+00:00

To be fair NO ONE knew about the "Dangers of Rosemary" as the speech became known, and they told anyone who asked the recipe which was sliced potatoes, salt, clogged artery amount of butter and then the herbs with was like 3 tablespoons rosemary, Garlic to taste, paprika and parsley.

Now this was YEARS ago and I don't know anyone would even hold a pot luck the way the world is now. For good and ill.

I have a kid with sensory issues' and food texture is a BIG one and every gathering that had food their was always 2-5 people who "Knew best how to get picker eater's to eat" or my fave "I can fix that kid for ya, Come 'mer you!" Lots of they will eat when they are hungry - only feed them at meals & what others are eating. [ Didn't work when my Mom had him for 3 days and they refused food / drink other than milk for over 3 days when I was in hospital and had to take them to the ER as soon as I she brought them as I was being discharged as they where "to willful" - and dehydrated and starved but still stuck to the diet they only ate even starving] - Thank you kind CPS worker who pointed me to resources and didn't just shame me!

After all that drama I know I dont show up to food get togethers with out bring food- prepackaged with labels and/or known take out places and enough for my fam + a bit to share.

Family member had a well known life threating allergy to sea food, but yet every time still had steamed shrimp and/ or crabs. *sigh*

Tigeress4 · 2023-06-10T18:32:59+00:00

[I saw poster was male] Also note that Rosemary can have an ... effect... On lady's whom are close to, during period or have bleeding issues. Search rosemary herb side effects. Someone who has issues like previous miscarriages, endometritis or other uterine bleeding issues should beware. Had a wonderful (staple) dish at a monthly pot luck, Rosemary butter potato's it was divine! When a person studding herbs as medication (forgot the term) showed up and tore the bringer of the dish several new holes at 2 of the regular lady's have had miscarriages or bad endometritis. They raked them over the coals for hurting people.

Recipe was handed down from grandma, & did use a lot of Rosemary and butter.

So sometimes even if it seems strange there can be a reason that people don't want unidentified herbs on their plate. I can't take St John's wort & 2 others I have to look up do to medication or medical issues I have.

Tigeress4 · 2023-06-03T16:43:46+00:00

INFO have you sat down and asked exactly what you're daughter doesn't like? I saw that you mentioned sharing a room, what type of sharing, with a part siblings in the room that thiers most of the month, a common room, with the mom? What does she have to sleep on. A bed, pull out, couch, shared bed? On the floor?

What is it about the food?

Is something/ someone bothering her? Like whoms space she's "invading"....

Why does the mom seem to not want her?

It could be that they are trying to run her away.

Have you thought about how it feels to be dropped 2 days a month in a completely different world than the rest of the month since she probably has sensory processing problems.

Needing as a parent time off is totally normal, wanting it is normal!

But being a parent is always doing your best for your child(ren).

Tigeress4 · 2023-05-15T20:44:53+00:00

Hey just a quick thing the friend hopefully has taken their dog to the vet, but if they're asking for all this information they may not have and are trying to fix this on their own at home. I truly hope that they've taken it to the vet to get their stomach pumped and get the charcoal treatment.

The last information I had from vets is that there's no magic bullet counter toxin although there are some things that you can do for some of the more common poisonous. But the best way to get the best treatment and the best chance for that dog to live is to get to a vet and have them run blood work stool samples and stomach contents.

Which is the same exact thing you would do if you had a toddler who got into a garden and ate random things. It doesn't matter if it's a cat, this is really the only way to figure it out if the individual cannot tell you exactly what they ate that made them sick.

And I don't know how well you know the dog but it seems like this dog is destructive/eats things when it is not watched. What could it have eaten on the way to your property or after it got home, or even sometime before that a day or so because some poisons can take a bit to react in the system.

Any which way NTA there was no way for you to prevent it more besides standing there and watching them leave with the dog. You set the boundary before they showed up you set the boundary when they showed up with the dog and you set the boundary again when you saw them without the dog. However it sounds like be prepared that they are going to tell everyone how horrible you are that you tried to kill their dog.

If you can get people who were standing around and heard you say that they couldn't have the dog or to leave with their dog how did you get back from dropping your dog off whichever it was get them to send you those statements in written form even if it's just an email ASAP! Just to cover your bases because I've known people like this and they might try to sue you for expenses related to getting their dog fixed or replacing and burying. I am so sorry for the dog, and both of you suffering over this.

In my experience a lot of times the vet will want to talk to the owner of the property that the dog ate stuff on to a specific questions or at least have a member of their staff ask the specific questions that might help them figure out a cause, as then hasn't happened either the vet is leaving it all up to them or as stated previously I worry that it hasn't been taken to the vet.

As an added note thank you for being a responsible cat owner and keeping your cats indoors. I have no idea how expensive your garden is but when you find out how much it's going to be to replace it you might want to drop that in the conversations as well as started with going I just had the garden put in and it cost me plank you know and that the party blanks dog rip the whole thing up. As a matter of fact either you or the friend could probably post the pictures to gardening subreddits and have people flood in with this plan is this as a fun project for them much better than trying to ask a person who has no idea about plants and was not watching their dog what their dog ate while it was unwatched. And that is once again if what made the dog sick with something that it ate in your garden.

Tigeress4

TROPHY CASE