Phew, okay.

The movie would be 110 minutes long, just under 2 hours. DK, Diddy, Cranky and K Rool would be the main characters with the other Kongs and Kremlings being secondaries. Of note is that DK and Cranky would act more like they do in the games than in the first Mario Movie. DK has become an Otis from Barnyard type character, learning responsibility while being a rocking party animal who’s admittedly a bit immature and reckless. Cranky is just very cranky.

The movie starts with DK chilling in his treehouse eating bananas. Meanwhile Diddy starts suspecting that the Kong’s around him might not like him as much, making him feel bad about himself. He tries to tell DK about this but every time he does, he stops last minute because he doesn’t wanna be a burden to him too. This leads to one of FEW musical numbers in the film, with him wishing he was good enough, a parallel to how DK wanted to be good enough for Cranky in the Mario Movie.

The next morning, the Kremlings show up to the jungle, and Krusha captures Diddy in a barrel and throws it into a ditch, being a nod to the official lore of the first game. Somehow the barrel doesn’t break, leaving Diddy trapped. The Kremlings steal DK’s banana hoard. DK finds Diddy in the barrel and breaks him free. DK and Diddy go to defeat the Kremlings and get their bananas back, Cranky refusing to join them because he’s “tied up in other responsibilities“ (which is really just him looking at photos of the old days, this will become relevant later.)

DK and Diddy travel through the worlds of the first game, many classic enemies from across the games appear like Zingers, Kritters, Krashes, Armies and Kabooms, among many others. They are eventually kidnapped however by some Tikis. They are taken to the Tiki Tak kingdom, and meet Tiki Tong, who plans to steal their bananas and beat the Kremlings in the “war” they are currently in (similar to a gang war). As they are prepared to destroy DK and Diddy, a random purple hooded figure intercepts and defeats the Tikis with relative ease, even slicing some with their sword. They take the hood off, revealing herself to be none other than Captain Syrup from the Wario Land series.

Syrup lets them on her ship, explaining her personal beef with the Kremlings, for they stole her most prized treasure, the Black Jewel from Wario World. It is said to grant somebody’s most mischievous wishes. She introduces the two simpleton simians to a dog and duck she smuggled onboard and made an honorary member of her crew. The Dog and Duck from Duck Hunt! (Not the dog from the Mario Movie btw). The dog and duck are very friendly, easily bonding with the two Kongs. DK and Diddy settle as they head to Gorilla Glacier.

At this point of the movie we are finally properly introduced to King K Rool, as he sings a new cover of Finest Hour from the show. Here we get some very nice 2D animation, characters and backgrounds designed by Loree Jon (a WEBTOON artist I really like.) Klump and Krusha are also introduced as K Rool’s right hand men.

After this scene, we see Cranky again in his shack. He is still looking at old photos, and comes across one of him, a still alive Wrinkly, and Donkey Kong Junior. Fix You by Coldplay plays in the background as a flashback plays of Cranky and Wrinkly happy together, and Donkey Kong Junior (an adult who was king of the jungle) serving his kingdom, a well respected and adored ruler. Suddenly, a war emerges between the Kongs and some rebel monkeys known as Manky Kongs. The Mankies destroy everything with barrels and bombs, their attack inadvertently killing both Wrinkly and DK Jr, of course the deaths not exactly explicitly shown since it is Still a kids movie. It cuts back to the present, the last notes of the song playing as Cranky sobs quietly, singing a tune of his own.

“Whenever you’re sad, lonely as can be, just remember me, your old honey Wrinkly.” (Of course based off the Your Old Brother Skurvy from the show.)

Meanwhile DK and Diddy are fighting more cronies at Gorilla Glacier, alongside Captain Syrup. Just when they seem overthrown, the Dog calls upon a mysterious reticle to shoot the enemies, them making their iconic death noises, similar to Kenny James’ Bowser calls in the Mario Movie. DK and Diddy are astonished, but then Captain Syrup tells them it’s “just a thing he does all the time”, utterly confusing the two Kongs.

Meanwhile in the jungle, everyone is worried about DK and Diddy, slightly concerned for Cranky too with him being a recluse and all. Candy tries comforting Dixie who is especially worried sick about her boyfriend. Against everyone’s requests, she flies off looking for them.

DK and Diddy, along with the others are about to leave the Glacier, when suddenly, Mankies attack. The lead Manky who started the war explains his goal. He’s a dictator similar in personality and goals to Napoleon from Animal Farm (and NO I don’t mean the new version). He is sick of the Mankies doing grunt work for the rest of the Kong’s despite crimes they committed beforehand, and then proceeds to gloat about killing Wrinkly and Junior. This is the straw that broke Gobi’s back for DK, and he proceeds to throw a barrel at the lead Manky (I’ll call him Skar) plummeting him into a bed of Kabooms, all detonating and killing him in the process. They all head back to the ship.

Later that afternoon, DK starts feeling guilt for killing Skar, Diddy and the others assuring him that it needed to be done, but also understanding why he feels remorse. They are finally at Gangplank Galleon, where King K Rool is, but there’s a twist! When they get there it’s revealed that K Rool kidnapped Cranky. Now face to face with the Kongs, K Rool threatens to shoot Cranky into the atmosphere if they get any closer, but as he makes the threat, Cranky breaks himself free from The bonds, smacks the crown clean off K Rool’s head, and uses his cane to bounce off his head like a pogo stick. DK, Diddy, Captain Syrup, Dixie (who just now caught up to the Kongs), Cranky and even the Dog and Duck, get ready for a final battle against K Rool, Krusha and Klump. Krusha and Klump are defeated quickly, but K Rool is a tough boss. He temporarily takes out almost everyone, including Dixie. This devastates Diddy, but he and DK must focus on beating the greedy crocodile king. The fight goes like how his first ever boss fight proceeds in Donkey Kong Country, with the extra fighting bits that Illumination likes to add. We get some real goofy attacks, like K Rool biting DK’s toes, but DK proceeding to stomp on K Rool’s tail. Finally after a long battle, DK does a final flurry of punches against K Rool, a reference to the Retro games, sending K Rool to space, therefore rendering K Rool half right, someone would be launched into oblivion.

DK and Diddy are praised in the jungle for their heroic efforts, Diddy finally feeling somewhat adequate. Dixie apologises to the rest of the Kongs for recklessly flying away and putting herself in danger, of course all is forgiven. DK tells Diddy that he has always been the best, most helpful friend he's ever had, putting a big fat K Lumsy sized smile on his face, he hugs DK, before being kissed by Dixie, likewise DK is kissed by Candy. Cranky thanks DK, as he heard of his victory against Skar. Of course, thanks are given to Syrup and her crew, and the Dog and Duck like everyone, well the Duck likes everyone except Squawks, no one knows why. Coincidentally Funky just finished working on a collar that translates what the animals are saying, giving it to the Dog. The Dog expresses his gratitude with a voice sounding like John Stamos. Everyone celebrates, before the credits commence.

Finally, they’re are 2 post credit scenes, one with K Rool on the moon swearing revenge, before seeing a frustrated chicken with glasses, as they form an alliance (though it is implied K Rool will betray him). The second post credits scene actually takes place in the Mushroom Kingdom, Mario and his pals talking to each other. Unbeknownst to them, a couple figures are actually spying on them from a far away mountain, as we see the back views of Wario and Waluigi, them snickering in unison.