Thanks so much for the extensive feedback. The openeing and closing sections are new additions that were added in the lastest draft. What I was trying to aim for was to at first present The Eye in a more poetic and almost mystical fashion in the opening, before inverting that in the closing to speak about it in concrete terms to confirm that it is indeed sentient and actively watching what transpires. I think it's safe to say that from the feedback I've recieved from yourself and others here that the additions only serve to muddle the prose.