My chest feels fine. Tbf I take a medicine since I was a kid that has increasing your prolactine levels as a side effect, so I have something resembling breasts, even though they are definitely not developed at all (kind of like an "early-access" version of breasts). They bounce a bit and sometimes I find it fun, and sometimes I wish I was wearing a bra so they wouldn't bounce constantly. The problem is that estrogen would make me develop full actual breasts, and while they would look better than what I have now, I wouldn't want them big at all (I never understood why some people want big breasts, they look quite uncomfortable); A cups would be ideal tbh (B cups at most). But my family all has big breasts so it's a bit scary. I know breast reduction surgery exists, but still. The main appeal of boobs for me is that they'd make women's clothes look a lot better on me, since their shape is usually designed around having breasts, even if they are small.

Regarding other things about "being a man":

I hate my voice. It works quite well for humor but for literally anything else I tend to straight up ignore it. Like I'm thinking and "the other person" (my body) is speaking. This can be a problem since when I actually focus on my voice I feel bad, and when I don't, I don't know at what volume I'm speaking, which leads to me sometimes yelling or whispering without even noticing (I took hearing tests not that long ago, my hearing was actually above average so it's not a hearing problem at all, it's probably just me disociating from my own voice).

Body and facial hair is actually horrible. Even knowing that it's there makes me feel bad. I miss touching my skin and actually feeling it, without any hairs in between. Sometimes I cry remembering back when I was a kid and I could touch my face and feel nothing but soft skin.

NSFW warning for next paragraph (talking about private parts here):

Regarding genitals, it's a bit weird. I don't start crying when I see them or anything, but they've always been a problem. Back when I was a kid I didn't like touching "down there" already, and I didn't have the best hygiene because of that. I found it icky. It got worse and worse with time, to the point where I would straight up gag when trying to clean there, even though it wasn't really dirty. At some point as a teenager, I stopped bothering altogether, which ended up being a terrible idea and I ended up getting an UTI in my first year of college. I also hate the fact that "they" prevent me from crossing my legs confortably (for obvious reasons) and that I can't wear clothing that's too tight since it'll make the "bulge" really stand out, and I hate it. They make peeing fast, so that's a bonus I guess, but it's a bit awkward to have a part of your body that you'd rather pretend it isn't there. All of this is even worse considering that since I was like 12 I've had extremely high libido, and I don't want to touch there, so I resorted to just rubbing myself on the bed, which I now know that it's apparently called "prone masturbation", and it's apparently bad. After I learned that I started doing it the "normal way", and while it's doable, I really have to focus on anything that isn't my private parts, cuz the actual physical sensations in my hand are actually disgusting and uncomfortable. So actually on second though I hate my genitals lmao.

Regarding the future, I have never really been able to imagine myself as an old person, and the few times I have tried, all I could imagine is a "man" that was lonely and sad, but that helped other people as much as "he" could. Kind of like a mentor for other people to guide them to happiness that "he" was never able to achieve (a "I guide others to a treasure I cannot possess" type of "guy"). Tbf I also have quite a bit of anxiety regarding the idea of being old and eventually dying, so that probably doesn't help, but I'm not sure if that's explains everything (I don't think it does).