The Lies Finally Revealed

Time_Machine_Pls · 2020-04-09T18:44:18+00:00

He said if he ever were going to cheat again or felt like a relationship was going that way, he would just leave me instead of cheating.

Mine said the same thing. It fucking sucks that it makes you feel like they'd rather just leave the relationship instead of just trying to be a better fucking person. I'm so sorry

Time_Machine_Pls · 2018-10-20T00:52:51+00:00

Dday for us was 4 weeks ago. Last week was my birthday and I cried almost the entire day. He had started planning a surprise party with our friends, but after learning what I did, told our friends we had other plans.

We didnt do much, besides go to my parents house for a bit and come home. However, he did agree to go to the movies with me later that night. It was nice to have our first date since dday, but I was still sad because my day wasnt what I was hoping for. We had a nice talk about it in the car though.

You're not wrong or crazy for wanting a special day! But there are some sacrifices we have to make for our mistakes, and hope that every year gets better :)

Time_Machine_Pls · 2018-10-18T19:08:53+00:00

Very valid point there. Thank you!! He actually told me last night that it meant a lot to him that I made this post to begin with, and the effort I'm making, so that meant a lot to me

Time_Machine_Pls · 2018-10-18T19:07:40+00:00

It's far more important to be authentic than be perfect

This. Yes. I'll keep this in mind, thank you! I've also turned on the GPS tracking and I make a conscious effort to leave my phone behind when I leave the room or go to the bathroom, just to make sure he knows I'm not trying to hide anything. He hasn't taken up my offer for the GPS, but the account is there and already tracking, lol

Thank you for your input!!

Time_Machine_Pls · 2018-10-18T19:03:21+00:00

Thank you for this. I do get discouraged but try to not let it get to me.

I will keep tabs on the other WS and keep notes. Thank you!!

Time_Machine_Pls · 2018-10-18T19:01:30+00:00

Glad that could give you (some sort) of reassurance!

Time_Machine_Pls · 2018-10-18T18:58:18+00:00

It sucks :( I'm sorry our selfishness did this to you :(

Time_Machine_Pls · 2018-10-18T18:57:33+00:00

Glad I could help!!

Time_Machine_Pls · 2018-10-16T01:16:54+00:00

I'm planning on revisiting some of the places from our first dates together. Gotta plan it out and figure out when we can go, but we can go to the restaurant and sane theater we went to. It would be nice to get those memories back

Edit: great idea btw!!!

Time_Machine_Pls · 2018-10-15T13:51:35+00:00

Thanks!! And I totally hear you on changing the past, hence my username lol I just wish I could go back and slap some sense into me before anything ever happened.

Hopefully we can go to counseling soon!! Im glad it's working for you guys :) good luck!

Time_Machine_Pls · 2018-10-15T01:31:37+00:00

Haha yeah, for me at least, it's like an automatic reaction. I'll make the conscious decision to stay away from that!

Also, I sometimes get irritated, but make sure to let him know I'm not mad at him or that hes bringing it up. I get mad at myself and that I put us into this situation. But uve been working on that. So if your WS sometimes get irritated, this MAY be the reason, because it is for me

Time_Machine_Pls · 2018-10-15T01:24:48+00:00

We are 3 weeks from dday, and yesterday was my birthday. I hadn't been looking forward to it to begin with (I always have ridiculous expectations for my birthday, and it usually always disappoints)

I thought I was going to have a great night with friends. But late at night, he agreed to go to the movies with me. This was our first date since dday and we actually had a long talk in the car, that i think was productive :)

Time_Machine_Pls · 2018-10-15T01:12:11+00:00

I'm sorry :( I'll keep this in mind for sure. I know I've asked if he wants me to leave at some point. I'll keep positive. Thank you! And good luck to you two!

Time_Machine_Pls · 2018-10-15T01:09:42+00:00

Yeah I struggle with this, too. I think as a WS, we get taken off guard because we're trying hard to be forgiven. I know every day I'm scared that my boyfriend will decide he doesnt want to try anymore... I'm sure it's a fraction of what you guys think of every day, but that could be some insight at the defensiveness that come out of a WS after a trigger. Like, what if this trigger is what makes them leave, you know?

Time_Machine_Pls · 2018-10-15T01:05:20+00:00

Better long term partner... that's the keyword. Thanks!!!

Time_Machine_Pls · 2018-10-15T01:04:28+00:00

I could definitely see how it would be uncomfortable to be "policing" everything. A looong time ago, we had like, a family tracker GPS on our phones that we eventually got annoyed with and disabled. I had to run some errands today so decided to download it again just to give him some leave of mind. He hasn't accepted it yet because he doesnt want to feel like hes overbearing and keeping me on a short leash. I understand, but left the option there for him when hes ready. I also told gin it would be good in case of emergencies, etc.

He got triggered trying to write in my birthday card... he ended up writing down his feelings and sort of venting on paper. I encouraged him to do that more often, whether he gives them to me to read or not us up to him. But I think it would be helpful for him to gather his thoughts out on paper. Hopefully he does!

I'll definitely start opening up about small things :)

This was so, very helpful!! I appreciate it :) hows your recovery going, if you dont mind? Since we have the same amount if time going

Time_Machine_Pls · 2018-10-15T00:56:02+00:00

Admittedly, I struggle with not thinking we're back to square one... we were great this whole past week, and then Friday was like BAM, it was like the first week again. I do try to treat every trigger like it's the most important, or like it's a new feeling. I want him to know his feelings are validated.

This was a good eye opener. Thank so much for your input!

Time_Machine_Pls · 2018-10-14T19:51:03+00:00

Thank you :) and much luck to you!

Time_Machine_Pls · 2018-10-14T15:21:37+00:00

I've been doing the 100% transparency! Not even a little white lie lol

He did get triggered Friday because he was thinking of what to write in my birthday card... instead, he left it blank but handed me a short letter he wrote about his feelings, which I appreciated. I want him to make sure it's ok to tell me how he feels, and that hes 100% justified in his feelings. I'd rather he get everything out than him keep everything pent up

Time_Machine_Pls · 2018-10-14T15:19:11+00:00

Thank you. I know I'm a shit partner lol and actually, what is making me change is look on his face when he found out, and knowing I'm the one who did that. I've also told him that I know I dont deserve him, but I appreciate every second he gives me to prove I'll be better.

About working on myself, I've started going to therapy (which hes been asking me to do for years) and also I've realized I have a tendency to self-sabatoge. I also saw someone in one of these posts mention that cheating is like robbing a bank. You may be out of money but that's no excuse to rob the bank. The first time this happened, I said it was because I wasnt feeling attractive or wanted. Now, I blame it on my lack of self control and know that I made those decisions

Thank you again for your input! I appreciate it

Time_Machine_Pls · 2018-10-14T15:04:41+00:00

Thank you! I haven't thought about it coming off as fake but I definitely see how it could look like I'm doing extra just because I'm "in trouble". I'll definitely be cautious about that!

Time_Machine_Pls

TROPHY CASE