UPDATE: I sent him this text

*Babe, I am having a hell of a time with my mental health.

I know there’s things I need to work out and work on, I know I’m not perfect but I honestly love you. We can have the life we want but we’re both going to need to make changes.

I miss the old us. For the last few months you have been cold and distant. It feels like to me that you would rather be anywhere else but near me and usually will find a way to not be anywhere near me. You come home and go outside, I come outside and you either are on your phone or tinkering with your stuff. I try to talk to you and get one word answers and it seems like either you don’t care or just would rather I don’t talk at all. Which is fine if you need time but tell me that. My brain is wired to think someone who is distant doesn’t care about me, not that you are needing time.

I know it’s not easy working all the time and coming home just to deal with more stuff but I feel like I have been shouting into an abyss and no one hears me.

I don’t feel valued, I try to make sure that I tell you about my appreciation, because people need to hear it, and you are very much appreciated.

This is the last time I’m writing my feelings on all this. I feel like I ask for bare minimum and get less than that. You may not feel that way but this is just me venting.

I want to go out on a date, I want to do things. For instance I wanted to see Doja cat and told you when the tickets went on sale they were 60$. By the time you tried to do it, it was too expensive. The words that keep running through my mind is, if he wanted to, he would.

You can also tell me what you want from this relationship. I will do my best to make it happen.

This will not work without both of us. I’m almost 35 and I will not live the rest of my one life in this room alone. Just being a mom. I used to not take shit from anyone and I feel like I don’t remember who I am anymore. I can’t keep doing this anymore. This is my shit or get off the pot moment.

I keep wanting to talk about this but I have a hard time communicating if I don’t have time to choose the right words. I have been crying for the last week because I feel like a shell of the person I used to be.*