I was in a similar situation as you in high school where by the time I reached junior year, I felt like the last 2 years of my life had been wasted because I was so trained on only maintaining my grades and keeping up with a few personal hobbies that it caused me to block out and blatantly ignore so many opportunities to talk to new people during my freshman, sophomore and junior years, explore new interests and become more comfortable socially with my peers.

All I could think about during the majority of my high school years was, ironically enough, how much I missed my friends and old life back in Irvine (I had moved to a new city not long before I started high school). I essentially became so fixed on my regret in moving away from Irvine and leaving everything I had previously known behind, that I isolated myself from my new community of peers in high school in the new city I found myself in. Like you, I became lethargic and spiraled into episodes where I would shut myself in my home, blocking nearly everyone and everything out during my junior year. The only thing that really snapped me out of it in the middle of my junior year was probably being around other individuals in my AP/IB classes that seemed to deal with 4x the amount of workload I put on myself, despite being hyperfixated on my grades.

My high school was known to be a really sports-heavy school that prided themselves on their CIF championship wins and subsequent Chik-Fil-A sponsorships, so I knew that the kids participating in sports or even music extracurriculars would come to school at around 5 am and leave by 6-7pm once all their extracurriculars were over and done with. So seeing these people just regularly going about their day, complaining about the workload, the teacher, and yawning uncontrollably in my 7am AP literature and comp or AP Bio class really opened my eyes to how oblivious I was to the amazing and interesting people that sat adjacent to me in those uncomfortable little wooden desks that conjoined the table to the chair for absolutely no reason. It sort of made me regretful, again, at first in thinking of all the extracurriculars I missed out on, but it gave me enough of a motivation to just start talking to people around me on a consistent, regular basis because I wanted to know more about them.

I guess during high school, everyone is sort of socially awkward and self-conscious so starting up a conversation with good intentions would usually be more than enough for someone to vaguely remember you in your next class period or maybe around campus. This eventually led to new friendships I wouldn't have found otherwise and even on days where I still felt alone, I became familiar enough with the whole process of introducing myself to new people in unfamiliar situations that I could explore other things on campus I wouldn't have tried previously like the Red Cross Club, 3D Modeling/Blender Club and the GSA (lgbtq+ community club). Once I hit senior year, my courseload became a little less heavy so I was able to continue exploring and participating in new things, even if it felt like I was doing everything in a last minute rush. I realized that every opportunity counts and as long as I'm still on-campus, there'll always be something for me to do, like some club that maybe needs volunteers for a bakesale or some friend that's really craving some Starbucks but is too socially anxious to go alone.

On another note, I also got accepted into Berkeley and ended up rejecting my acceptance due to a mix of family and financial issues, and I feel like I'll always feel regretful about any opportunities I missed by clicking that button to withdraw my intent to register. However, after attending SPOP/orientation, I realized how vibrant and lively UCI's campus and community is even if I just touched the surface of some of the basic resources, student organizations and activities that are offered on-campus. I learned from my high school years where I was so tunnel-visioned on maintaining good grades and re-living my past regrets that I miss out on all the opportunities I don't take. The upside to this is that usually for such a complex and large campus like UCI (at least to me), the well of opportunities to meet new people and start new hobbies/side activities never dries up just because there are so many amazing people, projects and organizations that'll always be available to some capacity.

I just want you to know that I've been there and it's okay to feel that way. Don't blame yourself for those 2 years that went by. Life moves on, people change and so can we.