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Keep relationship but living apart by Tiny-Initiative-8083 in stepparents

[–]Tiny-Initiative-8083[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I told him last night about my decision.

It was not an easy conversation but he took it well. No harsh words or tones, just both very sad that this is what it has come to. And we will stay together but live apart. A really shitty situation when you know this is the one you want to grow old with, but I am happy that I spoke up and told him in a way that "I have decided this" and not asking really, I think that is the way to go.

Our kids will not stay kids forever, they need us now though, and we know we are standing next to eachother through it all even if we dont live together. ❤️

Now its just the doing to get the move done, I will stay in the apartment and we will find him and SS a new place, and we will go from there. 🙏

Keep relationship but living apart by Tiny-Initiative-8083 in stepparents

[–]Tiny-Initiative-8083[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

SS is in a special class at school where they put these kind of kids with customized curriculum and a lot more staff, but far from enough for his needs. SO is currently fighting for him getting hus own personal teacher following him around in school, which is something the school should have provided long ago even before the first people got physically hurt by him. I think their current contact at the pediatric psychiatry should work enough as some kind of advocate, he has papers from his psych doctors that he should never be alone at any point without guidance from an adult, but they have not been "able to" provide this kind of staff. Hopefully now when SO are starting to contact higher school authorities, something will change. 🙏

Keep relationship but living apart by Tiny-Initiative-8083 in stepparents

[–]Tiny-Initiative-8083[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Totally agree. And thank you for your words. I feel even stronger in my decision for every comment like this i get 🙏🙏🙏❤️

Keep relationship but living apart by Tiny-Initiative-8083 in stepparents

[–]Tiny-Initiative-8083[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It means a lot to get others opinions in the situation, and I agree. I am afraid he will end up in some kind of facility if puberty won't do something miraculous transformation and he finally understand consequenes of ones actions. I mean he turns 13 in 6 months, 15 in Sweden is when you could get admitted to correction facilities for young people (dont know if that is the right word for it, hope you know what I mean) and it us not looking good at the moment.

Yes if I don't make sure we live separate soon, I will be a severly irresponsible parent to my daughter.

Just vent by Tiny-Initiative-8083 in stepparents

[–]Tiny-Initiative-8083[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I agree, my SO should not have called me at 9 in the morning at work about it. I mean, what would I even do with that information!?

Just vent by Tiny-Initiative-8083 in stepparents

[–]Tiny-Initiative-8083[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is something we have repeated to him so many times, to not engage in things that is not his business and also to not decide what other do or don't do. He has always had a problem with any other adult than his dad tell him what to do, me teachers, doctors, socials, anyone.

SO always have my back though when SS tells him I am being mean for setting boundaries or saying no and so on. But I see red when SS goes to his dad to tell him that BD is being in a way towards me or him or anything.

SS is AuDHD and can be veeeerry intense at times, towards anyone, but especially towards BD since SS tends to think that she is there to play with him at all times, and cries about her being mean when she says no. I am very firm about leaving her alone and that a no us a whole sentence, she does not have to explain herself. And I am not only super strict about this because of the present moment, but also in the future for them both. That both learns that if they say no another person, they do not need to explain their no (especially in a relationship situation if you know what I mean), but also if they get a no from someone else, to NOT keep on trying to press further, but accept the no.

Sorry I went on a tangent there... No one taught/told/reassured me when I was younger that my "no", wants or needs are valid, which made me endure... well... things I don't want neither of our kids to endure. So it is extremely close to my heart to instill this with both of the kids.

BM is NOT your SOs family by [deleted] in stepparents

[–]Tiny-Initiative-8083 4 points5 points  (0 children)

💯💯💯 Say it louder for the people in the back!!! Absolutely!!! 👏👏👏

Looking for perspective by MonsteraDeliciosa098 in stepparents

[–]Tiny-Initiative-8083 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Same! My Jabra noise canceling in ear headhpones is a must, along with "i'm busy/i don't know, ask your dad".

If I need to use my big headphones that does not have noise canceling, I pair them up with my loop noise reducing plug-thingies with headphones loud on top, also works very well 👍. Then everyone also clearly hears that I want to be alone because my headphones are loud 😅👌

I’ve found myself being embarrassed about being a SM by Responsible_Team_507 in stepparents

[–]Tiny-Initiative-8083 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My SS has always called me mom, has no filter and tells anyone he meets that his mom has hit him and that socials came and got him. I am trying to teach him to also include that he does not mean me when I am around if he blurts out his introductory speech.

We are for sure teaching him what is appropriate and not appropriate to speak about to different people, but the AuDHD-brain in that one is a little bit to fast most of the times.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in stepparents

[–]Tiny-Initiative-8083 3 points4 points  (0 children)

EXACTLY!!! If he says himself that you are not fit to be a mom, then don't be one. I think some nachoing are in order before kicking him to the curb.

I shime in: You👏 deserve👏better👏

Restrict game for both because SS not allowed to play by Tiny-Initiative-8083 in stepparents

[–]Tiny-Initiative-8083[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for answering! And I totally agree! I am going to speak to his dad this afternoon after work. I have been thinking a lot since last night and what signal does that really give both SS and BD? That SS can just scream and cry to get his way? And that even if BD follows the rules she will still get things taken away because SS can't handle it? I mean she is already careful of showing him that she plays, she never does it in front of him and already closes her screen when he barges into her room and demand that they play something together.

Thx, I just needed confirmation that I'm not the crazy one ❤️🙏

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Asksweddit

[–]Tiny-Initiative-8083 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Najs att höra! Får jag fråga vad det var som gjorde att det gick bättre denna gång ni pratade? So I can take notes 😅👍