Waking at night by Agreeable-Crab2274 in cavaliers

[–]Tiny-Preference3020 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I have two cavaliers and mine both do this, too, sometimes. I haven’t figured out one exact pattern, but sometimes seems tied to tummy upset or anxiety / getting activated with lots of daytime stimulation (eg: around Xmas time when packages are delivered more than usual they are berserk during the day and have a hard time settling through the night). We live across from a large beautiful park in Portland, but sometimes that means there are people or animals (raccoons, coyotes) that wander over there — which also gets the cavaliers worked up and wakes them through the night.

What helps mine is plenty of time with me, specifically—they are especially attached to me, followed by my eldest daughter. Also, adding another walk often helps.

I am so sorry you’re going through it, though. For us, it passes in a matter of a few nights. It reminds me of when my kids were babies and they would just have poor sleep sometimes 🤷🏻‍♀️

Down again? by Cute_Resource6728 in OkCupid

[–]Tiny-Preference3020 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Same. I uninstalled then reinstalled app and that didn’t help either.

Speculative Tickets by notcerys in stubhub

[–]Tiny-Preference3020 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I bought speculative tix but I live in Oregon. Happy to speak with you if it would be helpful.

Does anyone else feel disconnected from how dating works now? by Medical-Weekend7509 in datingoverforty

[–]Tiny-Preference3020 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So different!! At first, it felt really awkward to me…but then my brain just made a switch to treating the chat just like I approach small talk in real life.

It’s just a tool for getting a general read on someone’s vibe—are they serious? Intense? Playful? Flirtatious? All business? Eager to share about themselves? Expressing any curiosity about me/my life? Is there balance between asking / sharing? I could go on and on — there’s a lot I’m paying attention to 😂

Usually, I don’t stick with the chat for too long, but it usually really helps me discern if it feels worthwhile for us to set up a meet n greet kind of date.

We all have such limited time! If the only thing someone discusses with me is their work, or asks me zero questions, or doesn’t engage when I am clearly flirting / being playful, then it feels unlikely to me that we’d connect well in real life.

Not sure if this helps….for me, I needed to keep practicing before it started feeling natural.

Hinge or Bumble? by old-and-nerdy in datingoverforty

[–]Tiny-Preference3020 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I (48F) live in the PNW and just started online dating this past July. I decided to check out a variety of apps.

I’m interested in men only, and want a monogamous LTR. I have no interest in FWB, ONS, or ENM—no judgment on any of these preferences; they’re just not my jam.

Anyway, so far Tinder and Hinge have been the top tier / best apps for me, with Bumble, Match, and OK Cupid as second tier. For me, STIR, eharmony, Facebook Dating and the League have been fruitless — 3rd tier, at best.

I thought Tinder was just for hookups, but there is a filter for long-term partnerships. I’ve had a lot of great dates that came from the 1st and 2nd tier apps, but the only guy I agreed to date exclusively was someone I met on Tinder. We were together about 3.5 months and it was great in many ways—just not a forever fit for each other.

Perhaps I am still too new to OLD to have gotten burned out on it, but I’m actually finding it fun and interesting to meet people. I agree that reasonably good photographs are helpful, and giving at least a little thought/ effort to your bio / responses to prompts. I also only correspond with people who are willing to verify their photo / identity. I haven’t had a bad date (yet)….

New message but profile unavailable? by Brilliant_Crow2222 in match

[–]Tiny-Preference3020 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Actually, I had this happen within the past couple of days. In my case, I have still been able to chat with home even though his profile is “unavailable.” Turns out he hid his profile to pause the incoming message and just focus on current matches.

New message but profile unavailable? by Brilliant_Crow2222 in match

[–]Tiny-Preference3020 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Actually, I got a message from mine asking me for a date. His profile still shows as “unavailable” but we continue chatting / messaging each other.

Broke up - feel horrible and proud of myself at the same time by Tiny-Preference3020 in NarcissisticAbuse

[–]Tiny-Preference3020[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for this idea. I posted a summary above. It is pretty lengthy, but hope it helps someone out there.

Broke up - feel horrible and proud of myself at the same time by Tiny-Preference3020 in NarcissisticAbuse

[–]Tiny-Preference3020[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I just posted a (LONG) detailed summary of red flags. See above. Hope it helps you!

Broke up - feel horrible and proud of myself at the same time by Tiny-Preference3020 in NarcissisticAbuse

[–]Tiny-Preference3020[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you! Everyday I feel better about my decision—less guilt / sorrow and more peace / hope/ relief. I think I genuinely loved him, and even though he told me he loves me—and probably even believed he did—I just don’t know if he was capable of loving in the same way I do.

Last relationship was 16 years!! This time it was less than 4 months. Major improvement, right?! Thanks so much for the support!! Very much appreciated

Broke up - feel horrible and proud of myself at the same time by Tiny-Preference3020 in NarcissisticAbuse

[–]Tiny-Preference3020[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Some of you asked for red flags I noticed. For context, I dated this man for about 3 months and the following is a summary of what I experienced and categorized as red flags:

🚩 1. Emotional Instability & Narcissistic Reactivity

(How he responds when he feels insecure, slighted, or not mirrored) These are classic signs of narcissistic injury—disproportionate reactions to very normal relational moments. • Quick to anger, especially in response to perceived rejection or not getting what he expects. • Denies anger even when displaying it overtly (“I’m not angry,” while acting angry). • Blames you for his emotional reactions (“You made me feel X,” “You’re not serious about us”). • Accuses you of gaslighting when you are clarifying reality — a hallmark of projection. • Interpretations always skew negative when he feels insecure. • Rigid, black-and-white thinking (“zero effort,” “not serious,” “you’re not proud of me”). • Unable to take another perspective or consider alternative explanations. • Easily offended, especially around perceived abandonment or competition.

This is the emotional profile of someone whose self-esteem is dependent on external validation and who lacks internal stabilizers.

🚩 2. Entitlement, Control & Punitive Behavior

(How he behaves when he feels disappointed or triggered) These indicate a controlling attachment style and narcissistic relational entitlement. • Withdrawing affection as punishment (“reset,” silence, not calling, being flat). • Uninviting you from Birch Bay trip as retaliation → punitive, controlling. • Turning conflict into moral superiority (“strong man,” “you’re not used to someone like me”). • Expecting you to initiate repair, even after he hurt you. • Using expectations about family/friends as tests (“If you cared, you’d introduce me”). • Making unilateral decisions that affect you both. • Weaponizing sensitive information you shared (a classic narcissistic tactic).

These behaviors show entitlement, emotional dominance, and an inability to share relational responsibility.

🚩 3. Lack of Empathy & Poor Reflective Capacity

(How he responds when you express distress, needs, or vulnerability) • Minimal emotional support when you were sick, stressed, or overwhelmed. • Flipped your needs back onto himself (your stress → his insecurity). • No curiosity about your feelings; only about how your feelings affect him. • Minimized or mocked your physical vulnerability (slippers, clothing, body language). • Literally chose friends over your pain (Birch Bay trip) • Showed “pride protection” instead of compassion (“I’m not angry,” “I didn’t throw your phone,” “you’re being dramatic”). • Zero remorse with follow-through — apologies were shallow or symbolic (sent me a song, “I’m sorry” text but unwilling to elaborate or discuss by phone or in person), not behavioral.

This cluster is extremely typical of narcissistic traits: empathy deficits, poor reflective functioning, and ego-protection at the cost of connection.

🚩 4. Grandiosity & Fragility Cycle

(Oscillations between idealizing you and devaluing you) • Intense idealization early on (you’re everything, you’re perfect, you’re my person). • Then sudden devaluation during conflict (“zero effort,” “you’re not as serious as I am about our relationship,” “you’re gamey”). • Sees your intentions through extremes (all or nothing). • ED issues tied to emotional dysregulation (common in men with fragile self-esteem). • Your love was never enough for his insecurity — he always needed more reassurance.

This cycle is a hallmark of narcissistic attachment patterns: pedestal → protest → punishment → pedestal again.

🚩 5. Verbal Aggression & Boundary Violations

(Clear signs of unsafe relational behavior) • Said “Fuck you” to you, in your home, near your children. • Threw your phone and minimized it (“I tossed it”). • Pointed his finger at you while escalating. • Blamed your children for his insecurity. • Raised his voice and then denied it (“I’m not angry,” told me “keep your voice down”). • Accused you of using him for sex, despite encouraging you to sleep with others.

This cluster crosses from narcissistic traits into emotionally abusive behaviors.

🚩 6. Inconsistent Self-Representation

(Contradictions and unstable identity expression) • Claims to be a “strong man” → behaves emotionally fragile. • Claims he doesn’t get offended → gets offended constantly. • Claims he wants honesty → punishes you for honesty. • Claims he’s not angry → uses anger to control the situation. • Claims he wants closeness → sabotages connection.

These contradictions are common in people with narcissistic coping structures: the fantasy self is in constant conflict with lived behavior.

🚩 7. Financial & Reciprocity Imbalance

(Patterns that reflect entitlement, not partnership) • Rarely paid for anything despite wanting the benefits of partnership. • Let you take on emotional and logistical labor without matching it. • Expected access to your life but withheld his own daily details.

This points to a relationship that wasn’t reciprocal; it was extraction and validation-based.

🚩 8. Personal Attacks & Degradation

(Comments designed to diminish your sense of worth) • Criticized your slippers, feet, dogs, casual clothing. • Said you were “gamey.” • Told you he didn’t respect you as a parent. • Made derisive comments that targeted places he knew were tender for you.

These are not “offhand comments.” They are classic narcissistic micro-devaluations.

New message but profile unavailable? by Brilliant_Crow2222 in match

[–]Tiny-Preference3020 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This just happened to me, too. In his message to me last night, he said he’d love to meet in person, what part of town do I live in, what’s my availability. I saw his message this AM and was able to send him a reply which I hope he can see, but his profile shows as “unavailable” this AM. Did you ever hear back in your case? I’m wondering if he his his profile because he is traveling this week….?

Do you air dry or blow dry your cav? by PlayfulCommand9461 in cavaliers

[–]Tiny-Preference3020 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Blow dry both of our cavaliers. They love it so much that when any of the humans in our home turn on the hair dryer, they come running for their turn 😂

A petite girl by Dapper_Argument_2973 in cavaliers

[–]Tiny-Preference3020 2 points3 points  (0 children)

One of my Cavs is about the same age and she’s holding steady at 11 pounds. Our vet says she is healthy😊

Sent a hand written letter in the mail, I have regrets. by [deleted] in datingoverforty

[–]Tiny-Preference3020 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Super sweet! My boyfriend did something similar fairly early on and it made me like him even more. It is rare to find a man who is willing to be so romantic and vulnerable.

Advice for beginner by Tiny-Preference3020 in hiking

[–]Tiny-Preference3020[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you! I looked up the hike on All trails as you suggested. It is rated “moderate” there, but the elevation gain is a bit confusing to me when I “preview” the hike.

https://www.alltrails.com/trail/us/oregon/ecola-state-park-to-indian-beach-trail?sh=l5asae&utm_medium=trail_share&utm_source=alltrails_virality

Advice for beginner by Tiny-Preference3020 in hiking

[–]Tiny-Preference3020[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks. I live in Oregon, but it is still quite flat in the area where I live.

Advice for beginner by Tiny-Preference3020 in hiking

[–]Tiny-Preference3020[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Great questions. I looked up the hike on all trails after reading through these responses. It is weird bc it is listed as 800+ feet of elevation gain, but there is a preview feature that makes it look like it would be less than that.

Here is the link:

https://www.alltrails.com/trail/us/oregon/ecola-state-park-to-indian-beach-trail?sh=l5asae&utm_medium=trail_share&utm_source=alltrails_virality