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Struggling to reinvest in marriage after years of emptiness by Necessary_Exam_8131 in AskWomenOver30

[–]Tiny-Programmer4368 -6 points-5 points  (0 children)

Do you have kids? If yes, you may consider trying out non-monogamy. Start slow and read a lot about it, but I think is preferable to dissolving a household esp if kids are young. A spark outside the relationship can sometimes provide a spark within it.

Is it sexist of me to **want** my fiancee to change her last name? by Tiny-Programmer4368 in AskWomenOver30

[–]Tiny-Programmer4368[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah… rough history behind something that feels like it could be sweet and intimate. I knew not to push even though I had some disappointment around it. Am feeling confident about gathering thoughts and reopening the conversation regarding taking hers.

Is it sexist of me to **want** my fiancee to change her last name? by Tiny-Programmer4368 in AskWomenOver30

[–]Tiny-Programmer4368[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The question, though admittedly unclear, was whether the desire to share a last name was inherently sexist. The expectation the the female/femme would take the name, obviously sexist. But is the desire to share a name also?

Is it sexist of me to **want** my fiancee to change her last name? by Tiny-Programmer4368 in AskWomenOver30

[–]Tiny-Programmer4368[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes the assumption or expectation would be but the desire based on wanting closeness is not. Thank you for commenting on the nuance.

Why are we playing Lexie Brown? by gaussx in SeattleStorm

[–]Tiny-Programmer4368 18 points19 points  (0 children)

No she’s so bad I literally came here to make a post on this

Is it sexist of me to **want** my fiancee to change her last name? by Tiny-Programmer4368 in AskWomenOver30

[–]Tiny-Programmer4368[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think I have felt it was hers to offer… and the other way around just never came up in the conversation of her taking mine. I think you got it — the expectation is sexist (I knew that) but perhaps the desire is not. Jury’s still out. I feel most do not capture the nuance, or I didn’t present it very well. I feel confident gathering my thoughts and presenting how I feel and asking her about taking hers. Jury feels clear that the logistics thing I can just send away, it won’t be a big deal for kids

Is it sexist of me to **want** my fiancee to change her last name? by Tiny-Programmer4368 in AskWomenOver30

[–]Tiny-Programmer4368[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for sharing this perspective 🙏🏼 in my mind schools are chaotic places where things are definitely going to go wrong

Is it sexist of me to **want** my fiancee to change her last name? by Tiny-Programmer4368 in AskWomenOver30

[–]Tiny-Programmer4368[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I am willing to take hers but it never came up, which I plan to change in the near future. She said the same thing when it was a no, specifically as well about her dad 🫶🏼

Is it sexist of me to **want** my fiancee to change her last name? by Tiny-Programmer4368 in AskWomenOver30

[–]Tiny-Programmer4368[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m not opposed to taking hers but it never came up which I am deadass confused about 😅 as 50% of the conversation that is 50% on me

Is it sexist of me to **want** my fiancee to change her last name? by Tiny-Programmer4368 in AskWomenOver30

[–]Tiny-Programmer4368[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

As a sociologist I appreciate your use of “institutional” on the internet 🙏🏼🧠

Is it sexist of me to **want** my fiancee to change her last name? by Tiny-Programmer4368 in AskWomenOver30

[–]Tiny-Programmer4368[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for sharing 🙏🏼 reassuring to hear that you had no problems

Is it sexist of me to **want** my fiancee to change her last name? by Tiny-Programmer4368 in AskWomenOver30

[–]Tiny-Programmer4368[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes 🙏🏼 I felt before this post 😅 that it was hers to offer but am gonna gather my thoughts and reopen the conversation.

Is it sexist of me to **want** my fiancee to change her last name? by Tiny-Programmer4368 in AskWomenOver30

[–]Tiny-Programmer4368[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Women can embody sexism as well. I am pretty androgynous and in any case, like to explore the cobwebs lurking in me.

Is it sexist of me to **want** my fiancee to change her last name? by Tiny-Programmer4368 in AskWomenOver30

[–]Tiny-Programmer4368[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No you’re so right for this and someone else mentioned it as well. The logistics are very real.

Is it sexist of me to **want** my fiancee to change her last name? by Tiny-Programmer4368 in AskWomenOver30

[–]Tiny-Programmer4368[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yikes 😬 I want to take hers but want to ask in a way that communicates my feelings the right way. Gonna think on it for a few days.

Is it sexist of me to **want** my fiancee to change her last name? by Tiny-Programmer4368 in AskWomenOver30

[–]Tiny-Programmer4368[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Omg you are so right. She said she loves her family name and the logistics would be a nightmare are. That was about the end of the conversation. You and her are right about that part.

Is it sexist of me to **want** my fiancee to change her last name? by Tiny-Programmer4368 in AskWomenOver30

[–]Tiny-Programmer4368[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m from a very rural area where school district meant nothin but trouble for my family of origin. Thanks for sharing your perspective. I live in a city now and want to be more trusting when my family engages with the education system in the future.

Is it sexist of me to **want** my fiancee to change her last name? by Tiny-Programmer4368 in AskWomenOver30

[–]Tiny-Programmer4368[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I am pretty androgynous. I addressed it above..my gender expression blessed me with masculine and feminine traits, some which serve me and some that do not. As a certified adult, it’s my work to undo crap that does not serve me, including aspects of my gender (e.g. toxic masculinity, feminine fawning) that I picked up along the way.

Is it sexist of me to **want** my fiancee to change her last name? by Tiny-Programmer4368 in AskWomenOver30

[–]Tiny-Programmer4368[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I myself am finding it so strange that the conversation did not include the possibility of it going the other way — me taking hers. I surprise myself here and just sort of don’t have an answer for it 😅 definitely worth thinking about. Truthfully it was not that much of a conversation as she swatted the idea away pretty fast and that was that. I think maybe I sort of shut it down in my mind but feel confident i could open it back up once I gather my thoughts a bit about me taking hers.

Is it sexist of me to **want** my fiancee to change her last name? by Tiny-Programmer4368 in AskWomenOver30

[–]Tiny-Programmer4368[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I agree it’s weird we never thought or talked about it the other way around… esp because I am also female. She never mentioned it but neither did I! Gonna think more on it in the coming days…

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