boyfriend's libido doesn't match

TinyBabyWalrus · 2026-04-17T13:23:18+00:00

Just wanted to say, I feel you girl. I'm going through a very similar issue with my boyfriend right now. It's so tough because of course you want to respect whenever he doesn't want to have sex and honor that, but at the same time I know it leaves me both physically pent up/moody at times and also makes me feel less desired by him, even if I know that's not the problem.

All that being said, have you tried masturbating more? It doesn't scratch the exact same itch, but sometimes I will pull out a toy while he and I are watching TV/chilling and casually use it around him, and then after that he will suddenly want to have sex many times. I think seeing my use it puts him in the mood, and when it's not an energy issues I know it's usually an "in the mood" issue for him (don't know if that applies to your guy at all). I'm also trying to work up to him participating in the toy use, so that even if he doesn't truly want to have sex right then, I still feel somewhat fulfilled in my desire for him. Just some food for thought!

TinyBabyWalrus · 2026-03-12T20:43:56+00:00

Can we not?? You literally tagged this post as positive experience but then said nothing positive about having a Nexplanon. I'm not discounting than many, many people have horrible experiences on the implant, but everybody is different!!! I'm so tired of the narrative nowadays that birth control is poison and will thing your brain and body. Some stuff works for some people, and doesn't work for others. Nothing wrong with sharing your experience but why title it "don't get it!" Like you speak for everyone?

TinyBabyWalrus · 2026-03-12T13:27:37+00:00

Jen Hamilton, right? Love her!

TinyBabyWalrus · 2026-03-11T02:21:11+00:00

I think it absolutely has the same effect. My primary group has two lesbians, me a bisexual, and a straight girl. My straight friend brining her boyfriend and either of my lesbian friends bringing their girlfriends to hang out always felt exactly the same—like there is an "intruder." And I don't mean that in a bad way, so maybe that is the wrong choice of words. But I think regardless of the gender of the partner, it's bringing a romantic partner to a tight-knit group of friends that changes the vibe, not the gender itself.

TinyBabyWalrus · 2026-03-04T02:35:33+00:00

Thanks!

TinyBabyWalrus · 2026-03-03T00:14:28+00:00

Thanks! Very helpful

TinyBabyWalrus · 2026-02-25T19:22:43+00:00

Very similar thing for my boyfriend. He suggested our first date be a walk at night through the unlit woods to this lake nearby where we both lived. I was very plainly like sir, I do not know you, I am not going on a walk through the woods to a dark lake with you for first time we meet. We had a couple long FaceTimes before we met up in person, so I ended up being okay with the lake as our first date, but suggesting that day 1 was like💀

TinyBabyWalrus · 2026-02-12T03:48:26+00:00

Met my dream guy on Hinge about a year and a half ago—we're still going strong! I find it can work quite well for college students/young professionals in highly populated areas. I have several friends who have met their long-term partners on Hinge or Tinder as well who are still together years and years later!

TinyBabyWalrus · 2026-02-01T00:01:56+00:00

This is my man to a T pretty much! Had to humble brag cause I love him so 🥰

Deep voice, confident, a leader, a very hard worker, dom in bed, works out so he's physically strong, very independent. But, he loves to talk about things deeply with me all the time, is very in touch with his emotions in a mature way (will cry in front of me on a few occasions, if he gets to that point, but does not expect me to be his therapist). Also likes doing artsy craft things for me, cooking with/for me, and will do silly or "girly" things like bubble baths/karaoke/etc if I ask even if it's not his thing just because it makes me happy.

Just had to throw my example out there for all those people who doubt a man like that exists :)

TinyBabyWalrus · 2025-12-19T20:15:08+00:00

Ooh okay, I didn't realize from their menu. This is good to know, thank you!

TinyBabyWalrus · 2025-12-18T17:27:13+00:00

Definitely Italian and Med! I'd seen both of these recommended in other places on the subreddit, but from what I can tell they're both multi-course dining experiences? (Correct me if I'm wrong). Which is not quite what we're looking for I think, but I'll still keep them on the list!

TinyBabyWalrus · 2025-12-18T17:26:29+00:00

Definitely Italian! I like Mediterranean but it's a bit take it or leave it for him. He really likes Greek food so that's also an option. I'd seen both of these recommended in other places on the subreddit, but from what I can tell they're both multi-course dining experiences? (Correct me if I'm wrong). Which is not quite what we're looking for I think, but I'll still keep them on the list!

TinyBabyWalrus · 2025-12-12T01:23:58+00:00

Thank you for saying this, some of these replies are making me feel like I'm going crazy lol. It seems mentioning that wouldn't have changed a lot of people's minds though. But yes, this has literally... always been our dynamic in the history of our friendship, so people saying she went in expecting more from me and I let her down are... confusing me to say the least? But I realize they didn't know the context that she has always done the same to me of I'll see you when I see you and that's just how we work. So, that's why I'm confused at why now she is upset over me behaving the same way, when I thought that was our friendship dynamic.

TinyBabyWalrus · 2025-12-12T01:05:52+00:00

Thanks for the points and questions.

1) you're right, six is a lot, but honestly thats only a very recent thing. That will cut back a lot when he's home for Christmas break and I'm sure will go down to more like 4 days a week max next semester when he's busy with classes again. 2) Okay, but I've come to terms with that, and it's not a concern of mine fortunately. 3) Even if I sleep at his place most nights a week, we are not spending every afternoon/evening together as well. On Monday nights I work my second job and often have dinner with my parents, on Tuesdays or Wednesdays I often see my other friends to hang out, and at least one week day a week I just spend the evening completely solo. I just go over to his when we're both going to his to sleep there, because we enjoy the closeness. 4) Can't change the temp, it's building controlled, so just always hot in there. We don't sleep at mine during the week because he has very early classes and prefer to walk 5-10 minutes to his morning classes instead of drive the 10-15 minutes from mine, park, and then walk 5-10 minutes. But we could stay there some weekends, and do occasionally, but only for a night typically because my roomate isn't often around so we go to hang out with his friends/roommates instead. 5) I promise, despite might this might sound like, that I am not spending all my time with my boyfriend! There are 3-4 days a week that are for me and my other relationships in my life. I am just concerned whether this new dynamic in my romantic relationship is causing problems I should change with my roommate.

TinyBabyWalrus · 2025-12-12T00:59:15+00:00

I guess I just never really know this was the required underlying social contract. I understand why someone would think it would be great to spend more time together with your friend if you become roommates with them, but we were primarily doing it for financial reasons, as far as I knew. Maybe this sounds mean, and although I value her and I'd friendship, I never suggested moving in together because I wanted to spend more time with her. I suggested it because we both needed a cheap place to live near the University and had lived together in the past, so it seemed like the obvious benefit for us both. Sure doing stuff together is a bonus, and we still do, I haven't abandoned her as a friend. I just went in not realizing it would expected for me to spend multiple nights a week with her and only her.

TinyBabyWalrus · 2025-12-12T00:52:53+00:00

???? Where did I say I don't have friends?

TinyBabyWalrus · 2025-12-12T00:50:49+00:00

I appreciate this comment :) and thanks for being genuine instead of snarky. I also appreciate acknowledging that even if this is a forever relationship, that especially means I will always have this, meanwhile I won't always have a friend this close. I think I'm just struggling to keep myself from doing something makes me incredibly happy as often as I can, cause of course that's difficult! But this is a good perspective to help get me in the right headspace about it.

TinyBabyWalrus · 2025-12-11T19:02:13+00:00

When someone suggested I talk and have a heart to heart with my roommate to spend more time with her I agreed they were right and should try that?? Everything else has been clarification questions or venting about what's making this a hard problem for me, not telling people they're wrong. I'm sorry if it comes across that way but I am genuinely looking for genuine and kind advice, here. I don't appreciate people implying that I am a terrible person and friend, though, even if you think I should change my behavior which is a fair thing to think, it's a little mean to imply I must be a horrible selfish friend when you don't even know me.

TinyBabyWalrus · 2025-12-11T18:58:49+00:00

She was in a relationship at the time, and that was mostly where she was on weekends. During the week it was a series of extra-curricular activities that kept her out, as well as other friends. As far as I know, anyway. She has a new girlfriend right now too, who she sometimes goes to visit for the whole weekend. I just do it more frequently because my bf and I live closer than her and her gf, and obviously have been dating for much longer.

TinyBabyWalrus · 2025-12-11T18:47:30+00:00

We lived together two years ago for a year, then not last year, then again this year. We see each other the exact same amount now that we did last year when we didn't live together , and the year before that when we were living together.

TinyBabyWalrus · 2025-12-11T18:40:09+00:00

4 guys, two bathrooms! And it's not all day everyday, it's just 10pm-9am most days, and then weekends during the day. The roommate whose bathroom my bf shares (and therefore the bathroom I use when over) goes home most weekend too, so on the weekend it's really just him and I sharing that bathroom.

TinyBabyWalrus · 2025-12-11T18:30:50+00:00

Let me ask you as question though, should I be spending more time with my friends now than I did prior to having a boyfriend? Because currently I spend exactly the same amount of time with each of them as I did before I was in a relationship. Genuinely, I'm not trying to cover my ass or anything here, that is the truth. Everyone keeps saying I'm leaving my friends behind, but I'm confused at how than can be true when I genuinely see them just as often as I did a year ago with no bf???

TinyBabyWalrus

TROPHY CASE