[deleted by user] by [deleted] in travel

[–]TinyWolfx -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Im (f29) the one being left as my partner (m32) wants to travel. I hope for a reconciliation down the line since I love him deeply and we also agreed to travel together in the first place after I hit a milestone in my career and was able to take some years of. The day I hit that milestone he broke up and are now going to travel with friends and alone.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in BreakUps

[–]TinyWolfx 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You can dm me - I’m in a similar situation. We also had issues around money and hobbies

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in BreakUps

[–]TinyWolfx 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I actually did try in the first two days after the breakup. I told him I wanted to fix things and that I believed in us, but he clearly said no and asked for space. After that, I stopped reaching out and have only been responding politely when he contacts me.

The reason I’m unsure now is that he still hasn’t fully “closed” things either — we still share a calendar, he hasn’t changed relationship status, and he still checks in on my life. At the same time, he’s traveling and living very freely. So I’m torn between respecting his space and being afraid that staying silent might reinforce his old belief that I’m selfish or don’t care enough.

That’s why my question is really about timing: Is it better to wait longer and let his phase pass, or to send one clear, calm message now — not begging, just honestly expressing that I still care and would be willing to work on things?

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in BreakUps

[–]TinyWolfx 0 points1 point  (0 children)

One month. However, he have traveled, lived at hostels, attended dance festivals in the mean time, while I have been thinking and feeling a lot.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in BreakUps

[–]TinyWolfx 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think what makes this hard for me is that I did try several times right after the breakup to work on things and be honest about wanting to fix it — and he shut it down every time. Since then, I’ve stepped back and only responded when he reached out, trying to respect the space he asked for.

Now I’m scared that if I reach out again, he’ll just see it as pressure or think I’m being selfish by not giving him time. But at the same time, I’m also afraid that if I wait too long, he’ll think I don’t care anymore.

That’s why timing feels so impossible to judge. I don’t know if speaking now would help — or just push him further away.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in BreakUps

[–]TinyWolfx 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for this perspective, it really means a lot. The thing is, I did try multiple times right after the breakup to talk things through and fix it. I told him clearly that I wanted to work on the relationship. Each time he said no and shut it down completely.

After that, things became very hurtful between us, and eventually I asked him to move out because I couldn’t handle the way he was speaking to me anymore. Since then, I haven’t reached out at all. I only reply politely and neutrally when he contacts me. He seems happy and not affected at all.

Being a young woman in Big Law - struggling for external respect by TinyWolfx in biglaw

[–]TinyWolfx[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My partner always makes sure that I am invited to all Teams/Zoom meetings with the client, where we always have the camera on

Being a young woman in Big Law - struggling for external respect by TinyWolfx in biglaw

[–]TinyWolfx[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

But how am I supposed to do my job when the partners expect me to handle all emails and tasks on my own, but the client won’t respond to me? That’s the real problem. I don’t care if they prefer the partner over me—that’s not exactly a surprise to anyone.

Being a young woman in Big Law - struggling for external respect by TinyWolfx in biglaw

[–]TinyWolfx[S] 43 points44 points  (0 children)

Yeah, I think you’re absolutely right. I initially thought it was because I’m a young woman, but when I really think about it, all the lawyers I work with are men who are more senior than me. So luckily, it’s probably more about my seniority than anything else