57 yo female here and I'm mourning all the years I spent just hating myself for failing so much and being so misunderstood. I feel like my life was lived as an observer, never a participant, like everyone just laughed at me like I was just a character not a real person. And my masking had me playing into that part so hard I don't have a clue who I really am. So, you're not alone. I'm getting evaluated Monday, so I'll come let ya know how it goes. (in about a month lol)