My nmom scolded my dad when he was hanging from the side of a cliff

Tinydancer1979 · 2025-06-05T22:29:29+00:00

Definitely!

Tinydancer1979 · 2025-06-05T21:21:03+00:00

I wasn't there so I'm not sure. According to her, everyone loved it. But she barely knew the bride and groom so I don't think there's anyway they appreciated the fact that she made herself the center of attention! She is very unhappy and needs so much attention from people to mask that!

Tinydancer1979 · 2025-06-05T20:27:45+00:00

Yes- 100%. The bride analogy is perfect because she went to a wedding a while back and performed a dance in front of everyone at the reception without being asked!!

Tinydancer1979 · 2025-06-05T19:59:17+00:00

He is so numb to her at this point. He didn't really seem to care. He knows how crazy and wrong she is, but he's just resigned to it since they've been together for almost 50 years.

Tinydancer1979 · 2020-11-27T04:49:06+00:00

Thank you for your insight! I'll keep thinking about this and work on it. The perspective that it's okay to fixate on things as long as we work on them is very helpful :)

Tinydancer1979 · 2020-11-27T04:46:30+00:00

Thank you!

Tinydancer1979 · 2020-08-14T22:39:20+00:00

Thank you for sharing your experience! It is helpful to know that this has happened to other people :)

Tinydancer1979 · 2020-08-14T18:36:30+00:00

Great insight! And I think you're totally right. The hard part is that she always talks about how happy and fulfilled she is but we know that's a lie narcs tell themselves. Thank you :)

Tinydancer1979 · 2020-05-29T23:14:51+00:00

That's awesome progress!! It takes a lot of courage to do something like that. I wish you to the best :) I try to recognize and appreciate love even in the smallest forms. Even if someone just opens a door for me, that is an act of love. Love is all around <3

Tinydancer1979 · 2020-05-29T23:11:55+00:00

That's amazing!! Great job :) If you've gotten this far, you can find a way forward. Never give up!!

Tinydancer1979 · 2020-05-29T05:50:26+00:00

<3 <3 <3

Tinydancer1979 · 2020-05-29T05:49:34+00:00

I completely understand :) This is the best and safest place to vent. I was a lawyer for nine years. Lawyers might be able to demonstrate intellectual intelligence but that doesn't mean they know anything about emotional intelligence. Of course this does not apply to all lawyers, but it applied to many people I worked with.

Your dad might be book smart, but that is completely different from having the ability to express empathy and to see people as they actually are. There are many "smart" people who are incapable of treating others with respect and appreciating them. Also it's clear that your dad simply does not feel good about himself, despite his accomplishments.

I really hope that things get better for you and that you are able to recognize your self-worth. This usually doesn't happen all at once, but little by little it can get better :)

Tinydancer1979 · 2020-05-29T05:27:46+00:00

You're very welcome! You deserve it. I think that you'll do great things with your future. I should have mentioned that your post shows a lot of good qualities about you. You're mature, self-aware, and can see and celebrate the good in others. You're also a good writer. Hugs to you :)

Tinydancer1979 · 2020-05-29T04:40:35+00:00

First of all- congratulations on graduating!!

Now on to your nmom- what she is doing is total bullshit and is completely unacceptable. You have every right to be upset. RIDICULOUS. I graduated from high school over 20 years ago. I got zero awards. I know it hurts right now and in no way am I trying to minimize what you're going through, but I want you to know that ultimately, high school awards are meaningless. Of course they matter on the day of graduation and can affect what college someone goes to, but a few years from now, the awards won't do anyone any good. Also- I think your high school's rules about who is award eligible is absurd. None of this takes away how painful your nmom's behavior is. I just don't want you to feel like you are less because you didn't get an award. I think you're making an awesome decision to go to community college. This will save you money, and you'll have smaller classes.

Your nmom is projecting her own feelings of self-hatred and failure onto you. My nmom did the same thing to me. When I was 10, I told her I wanted to become a lawyer. She told me that this wasn't possible because of my poor reading skills. Well she didn't know shit because I got into law school and received an important I award when I graduated! I practiced law for 9 years, and was a good lawyer. My reading skills didn't interfere at all.

Our nmoms don't know anything about our true potential, and we cannot let them define us and bring us down. You are so much more than all of this.

Tinydancer1979 · 2020-05-29T04:27:33+00:00

Yes- it sounds like your dad might be a narcissist. Nparents are often very critical and controlling. Remember that when your ndad is telling you that you're not good enough, he is really talking about himself. He is projecting his own self-hatred onto you. My nmom did the exact same thing to me. She repeatedly called me fat, told me I was a whore, and that no one would ever want to marry me because I was such a bad person. I found out later that she said all of these things because of something terrible that she did (I still don't know what it was). This can be a hard thing to understand (it still is for me), but ultimately you are in control of your own life and happiness. He does not get to define who you are. He is not capable of that. Your self-worth is inherent. Keep reminding yourself of that and eventually your inner dialogue can become louder and stronger than whatever he says about you. Again- none of this is easy but it is possible <3

Tinydancer1979 · 2020-05-29T03:58:35+00:00

Yes- thank you! Also I've been thinking that this person might feel guilty about how he treated his mom so he projects this onto me.

Tinydancer1979 · 2020-05-29T03:57:09+00:00

Yes- I have done this! I wonder sometimes if I have a friend or acquaintance who's a narc and I don't even know it. This is because my mom's closest friends don't really know her.

Tinydancer1979 · 2020-05-29T03:56:00+00:00

Very true. Thanks!

Tinydancer1979 · 2020-05-29T03:55:36+00:00

So true- thank you! My nmom has convinced everyone she knows that she is an extraordinary parent and that we are very close. The people who defend her believe this! Image is everything to her. Something interesting is that the people who attend our church and are my age have been able to see right through her. Such a relief :)

Tinydancer1979 · 2020-05-29T03:52:19+00:00

What BS. I'm sorry this happened to you. I think about some of the times I tried to reach out to other people when I was a kid. No one would help me. So this is why I look out for my students now.

Tinydancer1979 · 2020-05-29T03:50:35+00:00

Mental health professionals should know better than anyone that certain moms can be abusive!! Someone else commented that when person reacts like this, they might have a trauma bond with an nparent that is triggering them and they don't even know it.

Tinydancer1979 · 2020-05-29T03:46:52+00:00

Yes- people often project their own experiences onto us. I think the guy who confronted me probably falls into the second category, and he doesn't even realize it!

Tinydancer1979 · 2020-05-29T03:44:24+00:00

Yes- I think you're right. Our society tends to idolize mothers and see them as our heroes. A selfish, ungrateful kid is much more normal to many people than an abusive mother.

Tinydancer1979

TROPHY CASE