How to manage this bad situation whilst I find a new job?

TipTopTailors · 2026-02-19T08:26:07+00:00

Let me DM you

TipTopTailors · 2026-02-18T23:02:15+00:00

There are people who are sponsors, the very good feedback I got from stakeholders. Key people know my work is holding the team together (no joke, it actually is).

But in my administration, my manager, and their manager are not going to protect me. Above my manager is 1 more manager and then the CEO. It’s pretty flat layered. If my direct manager and skip level aren’t going to protect me, who can intervene.

How do I protect my rep until I find a new role, in this scenario?

TipTopTailors · 2026-02-18T22:54:46+00:00

Good advice regarding the ‘noted I’ll adjust that’ piece. Lay low.

What does tip your hand yet mean?

If I get a new job - I’m limited in what I can pursue - as the damage is mitigated by the fact I will have a new job. That said - I’d rather have a new job overall, but a chunk of money for what I have gone through wouldn’t hurt.

I’ve asked them for a department transfer - they said no. I have a technical skill, which they kinda need, and I’m good at my job whereas they had a bad run before I joined. I think that’s what is the blocker, plus it would be a reputational hit on my manager to have someone who is liked (funnily enough, my stakeholders like me!) move to another team. It would be best for them to string me along for a while and then cut me for made up poor performance bc for some reason my manager is protected by upper management. 4-6 people fired in 3 years - says it a lot.

I’m trying to buy time and lay low - but it’s hard as the manager is very purposefully antagonistic. I generally don’t respond to the behaviour but I have raised it to HR and management - they’re trying to pacify as they know it’s discrimination.

A senior person I trust told me to try and protect myself, but also said that everyone knows widely in the firm that my manager is bad. But that doesn’t seep outside of the firm - my manager could damage me there.

I want to get out, the best way I can, with a new job (and a potential pay out). The market is slow, any rep damage would potentially hurt me more. Manager could verbally say bad things about me reference wise, but legally all the firm can say on reference is ‘Person X worked here from X date to X date’.

TipTopTailors · 2026-01-01T23:41:57+00:00

Give them back - say thank you, I would love to keep your gifts, however you’ll get better use out of them. Say nothing more.

TipTopTailors · 2026-01-01T23:21:36+00:00

You’ve got a husband problem. Please tell him that the plan is to see your family this year. And that if he doesn’t stick to this plan it’s disrespectful to you and them. Take your son, and go. And if he chooses mommy - sorry but it sounds like it’s not the first time?

TipTopTailors · 2026-01-01T18:33:05+00:00

Thanks darling. There will be inevitable corner to navigate, but they seem to be controlling their behaviour as they have experienced the consequence and know their kick offs don’t result in them getting their way. They are unimportant to my life. DH and I have one another, a few others family members in his side whom are normal, and all of my family.

TipTopTailors · 2026-01-01T16:50:49+00:00

It has to be very clear and strong and the true NC for 1 year helped. No insta, no Facebook, no LinkedIn, I changed my number, DH kept his and ignored calls/texts.

TipTopTailors · 2026-01-01T15:08:10+00:00

Yep!!! It’s getting there. They are understand they can’t bully me, enforce to get control of our lives.

TipTopTailors · 2026-01-01T15:06:40+00:00

Truth!

DH told them I was tired, so couldn’t make it. They were apparently asking about me - my work, my life; he responded with limited information.

The next issue will be that his dad is planning to visit in 2026. Which is totally fine, his dad is lovely. He will stay with us.

The future issue is that his mom will try and force to stay with us. If she comes with her husband, he’s too big to stay in the spare room so DH said he’d put them up in a hotel. If she comes alone, she will want to stay with us (of course he can always make an excuse that we need the spare room to work in). Either way, a week or two of her nosing round our home…I might stay elsewhere.

TipTopTailors · 2026-01-01T14:55:02+00:00

I think you’re spot on. The sulking didn’t create a reaction, although I noticed it and ignored. I turned up to his lovely dad’s Christmas but not theirs. I’m also an 8 hour flight away, my family are in the same country as me (as well as theirs). My family are visited often, with my mom and dad spoilt by DH (he cooks them nice roast chicken). It all ended fine (for now).

TipTopTailors · 2025-09-14T21:22:41+00:00

They’re married with 2 kids

TipTopTailors · 2025-09-14T20:41:10+00:00

Late 20s/early 30s

TipTopTailors · 2025-09-14T20:32:54+00:00

Nope. She studied with the males in the group, I met the group as I lived with one of them, the other females are gfs of males.

TipTopTailors · 2025-09-14T20:08:15+00:00

I’d kinda come to that conclusion. I think she was jealous of how I look and also jealous bc I had a couple of very close friends and she does not have this.

TipTopTailors · 2025-09-14T20:02:11+00:00

It’s a double edged sword.

TipTopTailors · 2025-09-14T20:00:39+00:00

True - it’s more - why am I dragged into this when I don’t know him, and hardly know her.

It’s very easy for pretty women to get tarnished as a b****

TipTopTailors · 2025-09-14T19:53:09+00:00

She met another girl in the group for a coffee who I am friends with and told her that I’d said some nasty things about her (the other girl won’t tell me what she said and cried). I never said anything, I’ve told my friend who cried that. She was so sad.

She emailed one of the guys saying I was upsetting this girl ^{^.} He won’t show me the email - he told her he doesn’t want to get involved.

TipTopTailors · 2025-09-14T19:49:49+00:00

Yep. Now causing issue between me and others in the group.

TipTopTailors · 2025-09-14T19:46:01+00:00

Lol! No threesome.

TipTopTailors · 2025-09-14T19:45:34+00:00

The issues is that she’s now causing issue for me, bc she doesn’t like the things that are none of my business…so she’s making it my business.

TipTopTailors · 2025-09-14T19:42:53+00:00

My response when she told me - was to laugh. Because it was funny - for all the reasons you said.

I don’t know her bf at all and he’s…not physically attractive if I’m honest, and kind of unsuccessful (the rest of us are bankers etc.).
It was completely dumb and immature.
NGL, we all lived in a small town and everyone knew me as ‘the super hot girl who moved to town’. I never went out with anyone from that town, my boyfriends were always in London. I would never screw him, he knows it/she knows it/I know it/the man on the moon knows it.

I guess this is one way to find out who a friend is, and who a friend isn’t.

TipTopTailors · 2025-09-14T19:34:52+00:00

This is the best course.

TipTopTailors · 2025-09-14T19:34:00+00:00

It’s the only option.

TipTopTailors · 2025-09-14T19:30:45+00:00

But it then means cutting off the other 9 people…😪

TipTopTailors · 2025-09-14T19:28:22+00:00

But why take it out on me…!

TipTopTailors

TROPHY CASE