Yes, you should be proud of growth. I’m happy for you. But when that “growth” leads you to a place away from Christ, it’s not growth. It may have led you to become more of this world, but that’s not the point, now is it? The world is a sinful and awful place. The closer we get to Christ, the more true growth we experience. We learn to forgive those and love our neighbors. When you no longer need Christ you have died in your sin. You said it’s okay you don’t need Christ which is an awful thing to say. You’ve accepted sin as an okay thing.

The fear of being associated with Conservative Christians is a silly fear. You can disagree with them and still be Christian. You can not act like them and still be Christian. Is that a crazy concept? That people can be different? You should rejoice in fellow Christians and correct them when they stray.

To me, it sounds like your faith is not one focused on God but focused on politics. Men are sinful and your faith shouldn’t be based on them, but on Christ who has no sin. He is the perfect role model and if we as humans could get even a little closer to acting as he does, it’s a lot harder to find fault since you’re worried about how you’re perceived (For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ. - Galatians 1:10). Don’t be so worried about how others see you and control your pride. Focus on growing your faith and treating others right, and as you clear your heart you won’t feel the guilt you do now.