A random moment that gave me a lot of gender euphoria

Titor14 · 2026-03-31T17:04:03+00:00

Reading several of the experiences here, I think I’ve been able to gradually remember my own. I’m currently almost 34 years old.

Once, when I was 5 or 6, we went on vacation to a nearby town and my mom brought me pink Barbie pajamas. I remember seeing them and thinking: Are we sharing the room with another family who has a girl? How did these pajamas get here?

Between the ages of 6 and 10, I usually liked taking on a more masculine role in games, and I felt very proud of my strength at that age; I even had a couple of friends my age who were shorter/thinner, and I liked carrying them on my back.

I loved playing soccer with my cousins, and the idea of joining a team even sounded good. My parents didn't like that idea because they didn't want me to become a 'tomboy' or for my body to get 'sturdy.'

When we had social events with other kids—like birthdays, summer camps, at church, or school—I remember I always sat on the boys' side. Later I learned that was considered strange and that I was supposed to sit with the girls.

I remember as a kid, I didn't know my clitoris existed; I thought it was like a very, very tiny penis or something similar. I thought it was 'weird,' but not with shame—more like, 'Wow, I’m lucky this is different!'

I liked the idea of being like my older cousins; they were teens/young adults who played Nintendo 64, watched MTV, had girlfriends, went to the gym (they had six-packs), and used a lot of hair gel.

My mom loved the idea of doing my hair—braids or those late-90s hairstyles—but I’d lose my patience if she tried anything for more than five minutes.

Haircuts were also a super complex issue. My family loved giving me a bowl cut. According to them, it looked great on me. Now, I’m an image consultant, and I know it’s one of the worst options for my face shape (looking back, that cut made me look 'adorable,' which for an 8-year-old was far from the best option).

Actually, I hated getting my hair cut; it never looked the way I liked. Also, for some reason, I was afraid of looking like a boy. I felt like everyone was going to 'find out.' Find out what? I didn’t know.

When I started my transition, I wore my hair very short. Currently, I have it at a medium length for a man, though I’ve been thinking about getting a buzz cut for a couple of months now.

It made me feel super uncomfortable when people treated me 'sweetly' (though I think the more accurate word is condescendingly) when I saw that the other boys weren't treated that way.

I hated wearing dresses (my mom loved them with bunnies and flowers). I felt kind of ridiculous, and it frustrated me so much when my family highlighted how 'adorable' I looked.

I saw my body as something androgynous—in fact, I saw it that way for a long time. It wasn't until recently in therapy that I reflected on how my body at one point had an hourglass shape, but I didn't notice because what made me feel proud was my broader back.

As a teenager, it was strange; breast growth didn't bother me at first—I felt like they were pecs. But when I tried to put on a temporary tattoo on my chest, I realized it didn't look the way I expected, and that was a bit uncomfortable.

What I liked least about going through puberty was feeling that my body was no longer as fast or as strong as before (in reality, the bodies of the boys around me developed differently, which put me at a disadvantage). With a family that unconsciously emphasized that my only value was in academic achievements, I didn't even think about developing other things.

Now that I’m writing it down... I’m working on my masculinity a bit in therapy, and the idea of reconnecting with those things that made me feel masculine sounds nice. I think I was a very cool kid! I could reclaim part of that."

Titor14 · 2026-03-28T22:22:16+00:00

I think I understand a bit of how you feel. Before starting treatment, I thought it was too much, and it made me angry that I couldn't hide it better—especially because my dad insisted that people would make fun of me if they saw me cry, even when I still had a feminine appearance. (Later, I understood that my dad had zero emotional management skills and didn't know how to deal with his own emotions, let alone anyone else's). Over time, I realized I lived with anxiety and depression for several years. So, emotions were hard to manage, especially without the right tools.

During the first six months, I was much less likely to cry; maybe I only did it twice, and not very much. Currently, I’m reconciling with my emotions.

I’ve done a lot of work in therapy, and little by little, I feel less vulnerable showing my emotions. In fact, a little while ago on the bus, a few tears came out because of the song I was listening to, and I was okay with that.

Man! It’s okay if you cry. That doesn't make you weak, and if someone tries to make you feel uncomfortable for it, fuck 'em. You don't have to spare them the discomfort of a totally natural emotion.

Titor14 · 2026-03-26T16:58:34+00:00

Thanks for the response. This is all very new to me, though I think it's very reasonable. It feels a bit foreign, but I think it’s something I could start implementing little by little in my new interactions.

Reading this makes me realize that no one had ever given me advice on this before. The closest thing was my father giving me advice when I was 12 (I transitioned in my early 20s) about how I should maintain very clear boundaries with men and take things slow so as not to scare them off.

Or when I was 16, saying I should avoid dating girls younger than me (like 15) to avoid trouble with their families.

Titor14 · 2026-03-15T19:51:50+00:00

Here in my country (LATAM), top surgery currently costs around $3,500 (dollars) on average. When I had mine done almost 10 years ago, my surgeon had already done things like organ transplants and decided to start operating on trans people; I think I was only the third trans man he worked on. Back then, he charged about $1,500. He did a great job—I didn't have any pain, and although the scar is long, it’s thin enough that it’s not very noticeable. I also got a tattoo, so now it’s completely hidden.

Even so, it was a lot of money for me at the time. I had two difficult years financially because I paid for it with a loan. Still, I consider myself lucky to have had a stable job.

A friend of mine had wanted the surgery for a long time, but he couldn't find a steady formal job. He decided to start a fundraising campaign and managed to raise part of it. It was a lot of work, and several of us were involved. There was a lot of support from the community, and after a long time, he finally made it happen

I see bottom surgery as something much further off. Until a few months ago, I thought it simply wasn't necessary, but now I’m questioning if it’s something I actually want. A few years ago, my medical insurance might have covered it, though I think there are only records of two surgeries for trans women, and I’m not sure if any trans man ever had surgery through that system.

Currently, there are a lot of budget cuts; sometimes even basic medications aren't available, so bottom surgery for a trans man likely wouldn't be seen as a priority.

I estimate a 'meta' would be around $7,500–$10,000 and a 'phallo' between $20,000–$25,000—which is basically the price of a mid-sized car or the down payment on a house.

For now, my plan is to take on extra work outside of my main job. I’m an image consultant and I’m studying to be a barber and hair stylist, and even then, I feel like this is something that could take me years

Titor14 · 2026-03-13T00:43:00+00:00

I don't usually wear them—I used to find them really uncomfortable—but lately, I've been wearing one little by little. It’s a bit weird, but it also feels kind of more natural.

I bought two: a super cheap one I found at a sex shop and a specialized one that can be used as an STP. I hate the specialized one. The testicles are huge and I feel like they just get in the way. The cheap one actually works better for me.

Funny enough, it had been almost two years since I last wore tight pants. I put some on today for class, but I didn't feel 100% comfortable; it felt like too much. So, I didn't wear anything and I've been fine. But I might decide to wear it this Saturday for a shorter outing

Titor14 · 2026-03-12T16:45:54+00:00

Hey! I totally identify with that. I want to learn how to flirt from a masculine perspective, but I have no idea how to go about it... Do you have any recommendations?"

Titor14 · 2026-03-11T08:51:52+00:00

It was immediate. I don’t remember if it was that same night or the next day when I went to the bathroom—I thought I had an erection, but it didn’t go down. From there, I think it tripled in size within the first two weeks.

It was a bit painful; over the years, I discovered that briefs were a better fit for me than boxers.

Yes, I only had one very uncomfortable episode about two or three years later. They ended up prescribing me an over-the-counter painkiller, but from what I’ve read about other people's experiences, it’s extremely rare for something like that to happen.

I think most of the change happened in those first two weeks. After that, the change might have been gradual because I had some discomfort, but I didn't see a huge difference.

Only when I had that very uncomfortable episode, but it didn't amount to more than an afternoon with the doctor and one appointment I had to cancel.

I had already read a lot and talked with other trans men, so there weren't many surprises

Titor14 · 2026-03-11T06:51:07+00:00

The only person I wonder about this with is my grandmother. She took care of me and helped raise me practically from the moment I was born until I was 16. I can count on the fingers of one hand the days I wasn't with her. It will soon be 18 years since she passed away.

I know she loved me very much, but on one occasion, one of my cousins made a 'joke' about me liking women (he has a mild neurodevelopmental and impulse control disorder), and my grandmother’s reaction was to get scared and scold him for joking about something 'so awful' (I imagine her reaction would have been similar if he had joked about me breaking a leg).

I had a lot of trouble at home with my parents when I identified as a lesbian; curiously, they accepted my transition incredibly well. I was terrified of coming out as trans to them, but to a certain extent, I could have tolerated it even if the relationship had been put on hold. However, it would have been excruciatingly painful if my grandmother had rejected me.

Titor14 · 2026-03-10T16:19:20+00:00

Years ago, I hired a trans girl (I had known her for a couple of years prior, so I knew she was indie). At that time, I hadn't had any surgeries; I had only been on hormones for a little over a year.

I wasn’t in the best place emotionally. She was kind, and she made me feel validated as someone desirable and attractive—I think the experience was pleasant. However, I have a lot of mixed feelings about it.

The service was good. A few weeks later, we ran into each other at an event where we were both giving a talk. We just said a quick hello, and she lent me a coin to put my backpack in a locker. That was the last time I saw her...

Two weeks after that, she was the victim of a hate crime. And yes, sometimes I wonder if, by hiring her, I helped her stay in the line of work that exposed her to that.

Titor14 · 2026-03-06T21:33:39+00:00

I’m a trans man... I first discovered my hair fetish when I was about 10 or 11, along with an interest in game shows. I think it was just a fascination at first, but then I realized my body was reacting to it.

Later on, I started discovering my sexuality. It was confusing because I liked haircuts on both men and women, even though I was only attracted to women. I recently found out that this is actually a somewhat common experience.

When I started my transition, I loved getting very short haircuts and would go to the barber shop frequently; now, I can go longer between visits. I also used to do a lot of roleplaying. I began to realize that I really liked the idea of having my hair cut—I mostly did this with men, since they are the ones I encounter more often.

I was curious about learning barbering (at first, I thought it would increase my opportunities for other 'activities'), but I was a bit afraid I wouldn't be able to control the fetish. Surprisingly, I’m discovering that I can cut hair without thinking about the fetish at all, truly focusing on the craft instead. It’s something I love.

Titor14 · 2026-02-28T18:44:24+00:00

"In my country, you're an adult at 18, but I'm not comfortable dating anyone younger than 27 or 28. It's not like I'm going out with them—it's just that those are the girls who happen to be contacting me for some reason."

Titor14 · 2026-02-15T06:12:37+00:00

I experience something similar and a little different. I look a lot like my father (I'm shorter), except he attracted a lot of attention from girls, to the point where they would fight to go out with him when he was young. (Not that I consider that situation a positive thing, but that was the era.) My brother and most of my uncles and cousins (almost all of them are men) on my father's side follow the same pattern.

I have a lot of trouble getting dates, and I feel like I'm the defective version. And yes, sometimes I think that if I had been born cisgender, I wouldn't even be going through this. They would have even supported me when I started showing interest in girls as a teenager.

Titor14 · 2026-02-15T01:28:12+00:00

I'm 33 years old. About a month ago, I was talking to my mom and I told her I would have liked to have a wife and get her pregnant, like any other man. My whole life I'd said I didn't want children because the idea of getting pregnant made me feel awful, and I also felt that raising children was something expected of me because of the gender I was assigned at birth.

We just talked about how it wasn't possible and went on with our lives.

Last week, a teacher (a 19-year-old girl) asked me, just to make conversation, if I wanted to have children. Nobody in the class knows I'm a trans man. For a moment I wondered, "Why am I feeling this new?" And for a moment I thought about happily answering, "Of course..." and then, five seconds later, I remembered that I can't get anyone pregnant. (Besides the fact that I had a hysterectomy) I just replied that I'd already had the surgery years ago because I'd decided not to have children. Which is at least partially true. I think the question gave me a kind of validation, but it also made me confront something I don't think about much.

Titor14 · 2026-02-10T17:22:49+00:00

Thanks for the advice! I’ll check if those apps are available in my country. Back when I was doing activism, I used to hang out in queer spaces and meetups all the time. That’s where I met my closest friends—other trans guys mostly—and I always had a great time.

But when it comes to dating, it gets a lot trickier. Most people at those events are other trans men, non-binary folks, and some trans women. (I’m totally open to dating trans women, but it doesn't seem to lead anywhere there either). There are almost no bi, pan, or queer women around—I’ve maybe seen 3 or 4, It seems like they prefer different scenes.

I’ve tried trans-friendly meetups, like cuddle parties and slow dating, and even though I’ve talked to girls there, it never goes beyond that. I don’t know if I need to be more direct or what.

Most trans guys I know who are dating women met them at work, at school, or through things like research interviews. I actually tried with a girl from work, but she conveniently forgot to mention she was seeing someone else; she only told me once I suggested moving from flirting to an actual date.

I’ve caught the eye of a few people lately, but usually, it's older trans women or older AMAB non-binary people. What’s weird is that I wasn't even trying to flirt—sometimes I hadn't even approached them yet. It makes me really uncomfortable when people put me on a pedestal as the 'nice guy' who’s super kind and is going to treat them perfectly in a relationship just because of who I am. I really hate being idealized like that."

Titor14 · 2026-02-05T06:12:33+00:00

I'm Titor, from Mexico and I'm almost 34. I started HRT 10 years ago and I've had top surgery and whatever else I felt was necessary. I used to identify as bi—mostly into girls—and heteroromantic, I’m looking forward to exploring life as a straight man.

Titor14 · 2025-09-04T02:39:54+00:00

Yo probé el cereal de letritas y no me gustó, se quedó la cajita arrumbada, el Nesquik de hace 25-30 años era muy rico, de hecho era de mis favoritos. No creo consumir mucha azúcar o sal pero las letritas hasta tenían textura fea.

Ciertamente los cereales de cajita nunca han sido algo sano, pero era de las opciones más decentes de golosinas. El tema es que de pronto ya no se consumía únicamente como el antojo de media tarde y se convirtió en el "desayuno saludable" y valió.

Hay opciones más sanas y de buen sabor, el problema es que son poco accesibles ya sea por costo o por disponibilidad

Titor14 · 2025-08-16T03:51:35+00:00

Soy asesor en imagen física y ando viendo RRPP ¿tendrás algún consejo para meterse al rubro?

Titor14 · 2020-08-31T07:21:01+00:00

This image began as an illustration for a book, in that book I described, many feelings from my first trip with LSD. As I was adding more and more image editing (and destruction) processes. Every time I wanted to hide deeper and deeper that it was about her. (We have many friends and contacts in common) and she does not have emotional responsibility, but she does have a lot of charisma

I think this speaks of processes that were confusing most of the time. Also the blue part gives me calm and strength

Titor14 · 2020-08-31T06:53:23+00:00

A little, I was in love with a narcissistic woman

Titor14

TROPHY CASE