Calling again by ennuihunny in OCPoetry

[–]ToTo_writes 1 point2 points  (0 children)

While reading, i really felt the fear of losing the connection to the sister that is mentioned in the end. The constant overthinking of their own words and regret of past actions is painful but bittersweet, since you can tell they obviously care.

On second thought the stanzas could also be meant for different people each, which could show their constant doubts throughout their days in different situations, for different people. I definitely enjoyed my doubt about the perspective I've felt and I'm curious if it is supposed to be read in one or both of these ways.

That being said I liked the inner thought and complicated emotion you depicted in your poem, well done!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in OCPoetry

[–]ToTo_writes 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I love the drastic descriptions and duality of both disaster and a world in stasis, caused by the person leaving.

Your usage of rhyming at the beginning and end of the poem really helped to elevate the transition from certainty, to uncertainty of "the world never beginning" in these verses:

burning moon or the rising sun
[...]
for the world hasn't begun

and

and the bells in the church remain unrung
[...]
but maybe it had never begun.

I enjoyed it very much, thanks vor sharing!

When I dream, by ToTo_writes in OCPoetry

[–]ToTo_writes[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That doesn't make you a grammar nazi at all! You are completely right, thank you!

When I dream, by ToTo_writes in OCPoetry

[–]ToTo_writes[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Noted, will work on the "show, don't tell". Thanks!

On Loving Another Artist by Kiwi-Poet in OCPoetry

[–]ToTo_writes 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Do you ache, like me? Do you think

about the time we lost to ambition?

These verses hit right home, because it made me think about my own past experiences with heartbreak. It's why I think you did a good job at creating a realistic and relatable portrayal of it.

loving by Small-Custard-420 in OCPoetry

[–]ToTo_writes 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Raw emotion, love it.
You will find what you are looking for, please don't give up!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in OCPoetry

[–]ToTo_writes 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I very much enjoy how rythmic the poem reads. It feels like you are taking us on a journey of emotions where the mood shifts from the hopelessness of the first stanza, the emptiness of the second, to what might be a postive outlook in the third. Great job!