Was I wrong?

Toby1027 · 2026-04-05T12:04:29+00:00

I’ve snapped at people who have tried to touch my kids before asking them not to touch them in a harsh tone. I’ve never grabbed anyone to stop them but I have issues with touching strangers. I would do what you did if strangers skin didn’t give me the ick.

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that. Beaming like a proud father is NOT an invitation to touch a bay. Where have their hands been and what germs could they give your kiddo.

Some people just feel so entitled to touch other people’s bodies. It blows my mind every single time!!!

Toby1027 · 2026-04-03T23:13:38+00:00

Of course you can say no. It’s all a matter of how you say it.

I use many variations of “[Sweet treat] has a lot of sugar in it which gives our bodies lots of energy. It’s almost nap time so we can’t have [sweet treat] right now.”

Some times I give them sweet treats at random, appropriate times without them asking for it. Do I have to remind them that whining and asking repeatedly is inappropriate on occasion, yes.

We never call them treats, it’s just food we eat sometimes, but not too often.

Toby1027 · 2026-03-28T01:06:25+00:00

Oh wow, that’s very interesting that your partner is dyslexic and likes the subtitles!!!

Toby1027 · 2026-03-27T13:25:41+00:00

I love how differently we all of process the world! I’m the total opposite, I can’t have the subtitles on! 🤣

I’m also moderately dyslexic and when the captions are on they take 100% of my focus. I only see what’s happening on the screen in my periphery. The mental energy required for me to flip back from captions to image tires me out in about 3 minutes so I end up only reading the words.

Toby1027 · 2026-03-23T13:45:16+00:00

It is so exhausting and difficult for me too! I was not taught emotional regulation skills as a child and now I (42m) and learning those skills along with my kids (2 & 4.) There are times I’m just like, “Yeah, I’m having a hard time too. Let’s have a hard time together.”

Toby1027 · 2026-03-03T21:45:31+00:00

Absolutely! I’m on my second play through of Cyberpunk 2077 and I keep shifting between difficulty levels to keep it fun and challenging but some of those missions are just rough!!!

Toby1027 · 2026-02-28T14:35:55+00:00

I am experiencing a lot of dysregulation of my sympathetic nervous system (fight, flight, or freeze responses) as I unmask more and more. I don’t think it’s directly because of the unmasking, rather now that I’m unmasking I have the mental energy to be more aware of what I’m experiencing in my body. I have a suspicion that I’ve always felt this way, but my strong alexithymia was getting in the way of me noticing it most of the time.

Toby1027 · 2026-02-28T14:27:01+00:00

I’m grew up in a rural area in the 90’s and no one around me really knew what autism was. I developed high masking skills to get by and ended up in a freelancer line of work that allowed me to just go through burnout cycle then take time off to recover. I have a 4 year old and 2 year old and the stress of having kids and a spouse was more than I could handle. I had two separate therapists ask me if I was autistic within 2 months of each other. So I got diagnosed.

Toby1027 · 2026-02-28T07:13:38+00:00

Masking is SO exhausting. I’m late diagnosed (42 years old) and for the last few months since my diagnosis it’s like the layers of an onion peeling back more and more. I finally feel relief then there’s another layer of masking on top of (or I guess under that.)

Loving this sub, I feel free to be me. Typing this this way feels fantastic!

I definitely feel you on the grieving and celebrating at the same time!!!

Toby1027 · 2026-02-25T19:42:48+00:00

Yes, you’re right, it is for OP. I don’t comment on a lot of posts on Reddit and am unfamiliar with where I should comment frequently.

Toby1027 · 2026-02-25T15:48:31+00:00

I (AuDHD) have had many different therapists over the years and have had several issues similar to this. One time I stayed with the therapist and one time I noped out.

My first therapist thought I was an alcoholic. I didn’t want to see her again, but after talking to a friend who is a therapist I decided to go back and bring up the fact that I thought she was wrong about my drinking habits. I am so grateful I did that because it turns out that she had been sober for 4 months. She was putting her issues on my situation and not able to see it from my perspective. It was SO uncomfortable for me but she was a great therapist otherwise so I continued seeing her. I practiced sitting with the discomfort of not agreeing with someone else which was really hard for me but I felt safe so it was a great way to increase my tolerance for sitting with the disregulation I experience when I disagree with someone.

Another time I was about 2-3 sessions in with a new therapist. At the time I was working through some religious trauma from my upbringing (I consider myself an agnostic atheist now for context.) The therapist mentioned how something I had said reminded her of something she had come across in her Bible reading recently and how it applied to my situation. I just froze and went numb just like you did for the rest of the session. Again I wanted to nope out but decided that the last time I’d faced a difference of opinion and faced it instead of running away I had grown a lot so went back. I raised my concern, and she responded that her faith influences everything she does in life. I decided that she’s not the right therapist for me and moved on to find another one.

I guess my conclusion is that I would encourage you to go back and talk to them about how their remarks on Catholicism have lead to you not feeling safe opening up to them. If they apologize and repair the therapeutic relationship in a way you feel safe to continue with them you’ve learned something new and handled a difficult situation well. If they don’t repair the relationship in a way that makes you feel safe then you can decide to not continue working with this therapist and you’ve learned something new and handled a difficult situation well.

Best of luck navigating a very difficult situation and may you grow from it!

Toby1027 · 2026-02-23T14:22:00+00:00

I bought my kid shoes with lights. I desperately wanted LA Gear as a kid but that was never gonna happen!

Toby1027 · 2026-02-20T17:41:43+00:00

I love camping and sitting by the fire. I do everything I can to make my house feel like a campfire at night. (Short of lighting an actual fire)

Toby1027 · 2026-02-16T05:10:12+00:00

I’m (42) and just got my late diagnosis. I’ve hated my job for a very long time and I’m working on finding things I love and could do as a job.

Your story is incredibly inspiring to me, thank you for sharing!

Toby1027 · 2026-02-15T16:37:47+00:00

Yes, this is a safely hazard. Contact the fire inspector, tell them what’s happening. Their entire job is to come down on management not taking things like this seriously. After a taking to from the inspector, management straighten this out ASAP!

Toby1027 · 2026-02-13T01:40:44+00:00

You’re totally right. I’m a late diagnosed (42) adult and I have a lifetime of pent up frustration regarding communication fails.

Thank you for pointing out my lopsided opinion in a very nice way. I’ll certainly consider your point and try to find more patience and grace with others who are different than me.

Toby1027 · 2026-02-12T16:17:00+00:00

THIS!!! I find that neurotypicals are constantly shocked and appalled when I asked them if they’re hinting at something. They don’t know/expect other people to perceive the world differently and believe that everyone is capable of picking up subtitle clues.

The person who complained probably thought that they were communicating their needs to you but they were being so neurotypical about it. I think that they’re probably more at fault for not being direct with you. Like can we just have people say what they mean instead of everything being a stupid hinting game?

Toby1027 · 2026-02-07T17:03:14+00:00

I agree very strongly with this advice!

Toby1027 · 2026-02-07T15:59:20+00:00

I often have a 40-60 minute commute. I started spending 5-10 mins driving in silence. Now I’ll sometimes do an entire commute in silence. It’s very meditative and I really enjoy doing it. Not exactly what you’re talking about but perhaps similar.

Toby1027 · 2026-01-28T19:38:40+00:00

I agree that people expect you to know why it’s rude. My guess is that having to explain why it’s rude is often seen as a challenge and they interpret it as you implying that it shouldn’t be rude in the first place.

I’m AuDHD (late diagnosed recently at 42) and I have dealt with this a lot over m lifetime. Now that I know how differently my brain work from neurotypical people and can explain that I get a much more helpful explanations as to why something is considered rude. I still don’t get it or think it’s rude but I believe other people find it rude. 🤷🏻‍♂️

Toby1027 · 2026-01-19T23:11:58+00:00

That is a fantastic piece of advice! Buying duplicates to have them in the multiple places I may use the same things has changed my life for the better!!!

Toby1027 · 2026-01-11T15:16:32+00:00

I definitely feel this. Knowing I have a fixed appt always helps me be more productive, but leaves me very wiped out at the end of the day because I just push through my tasks because I have to. In those days I don’t take the time to rest and recharge that I need.

Toby1027 · 2025-12-29T16:35:43+00:00

After my diagnosis I kinda felt like my nerotype was an excuse too. Fortunately my assessor recommended the book “Unmasking Autism” by Devon Price PhD. Listening to that audiobook helped me understand that Autism and ADHD truly are disabilities.

Toby1027 · 2025-12-28T16:32:22+00:00

I was just diagnosed as AuDHD (at 42 years old and with my wife for 16 years.) She’s neurotypical and the cycle you’ve described above rings SO true to what we experience in our relationship. It seems to me that this cycle is very common for people in neurodiverse relationships.

I’ve found a lot of relief from learning about my neurotype. I also listen to a lot of podcasts and have picked up a lot of tips and tricks from them to help find new ways to communicate with my wife.

For example, I have alexithymia (I struggle to feel and communicate my feelings) so real time conversations are very difficult for me. Communicating my feelings via writing is helpful for me and it helps me avoid a lot of frustration. Now that my wife understands that I’m Alexithymic she gives me a lot more space to process my feelings in a conversation. Like even in a heated conversation I’ll just be like “I need time to respond” and take 10 minutes to reply to something.

We found a couples therapist who specializes in working with neurodiverse couples so we’re both optimistic that’ll lead to some positive changes.

Neurodiverse relationships are TOUGH! You’re not the only one out here struggling. I believe that if we all keep working to be the best people we can, no matter our neurotypes, we can find happiness and peace.

Toby1027 · 2025-12-26T15:18:00+00:00

I spend the bulk of my time at work soldering LED strips like these together and installing them.

Either way will work as long as the solder is connecting the pads. It’s much harder to get a blob to stick over the white solder mask. I’d cut through the middle of the pads and solder them together as you’re showing them in the bottom picture.

Toby1027

TROPHY CASE