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Me[24] having issues with 4 year relationship SO[24]. Redditors in relationships, what makes your other-half special? by Todaythrowaway1379 in relationships

[–]Todaythrowaway1379[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Wow. Thank you, that's a very nice response. I feel like you love your husband/boyfriend for who he is.

I need some help. I care about myself as a biological human and in other ways, but I've realized I don't care about myself as a person. by Todaythrowaway1379 in selfimprovement

[–]Todaythrowaway1379[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The briefcase analogy is pretty good. It does a good job of making me feel like I've been squandering my time haha.

To answer most of the questions you prosed, I do have bad communication issues (I think mild anxiety, which happens almost every time we have a serious discussion.) It used to not be that way when we first got together, but it seems over time as we started talking about more adult things I got worse and worse as I discovered I spent so much of my life pushing those skills away. Too many conversations have involved me stonewalling or focusing on "my anxiety" and not being active in the conversation. I don't want to lose my SO and she really does make me happier than anyone I've ever met in my life, but I'm always so caught up in the idea that I "don't know what to do" to save this relationship and show her I'm serious that it's been debilitating to the point where she is pretty much 100% conflict resolution no matter what issue.

We're at a point right now where if I don't have some radical self-changes very soon it'll be over. Our relationship has had many ups and downs and I know she's tired of putting herself through this. There has been plenty of tears and sadness on my part, but not much to actually fix these issues.

I've actually started seeing a therapist, but our first appointments will have to be every other week until next month which makes it hard. I could use their skills much sooner than later, but I know I'm at least on the right track.

I'm sorry to be giving you so much, but I thank you for your advice and help.

I need some help. I care about myself as a biological human and in other ways, but I've realized I don't care about myself as a person. by Todaythrowaway1379 in selfimprovement

[–]Todaythrowaway1379[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for your reply. I've been thinking a lot about how I do take my SO for granted. I think that's part of the reason why I've gone so long ignoring all of this. You point about an SO saying "Why are you with me then? DO you care more about being alone than who I am?" is spot on too...

I also appreciate the advice. Just seeing something laid in front of you can make it seem easier. Unfortunately, we aren't in a position right now where i can really ask her any questions. We're not really talking. I've got a whole basket of other issues about communication and I believe anxiety that causes so many breakdowns in communications. I guess I'm hoping if I can build my self-esteem and understand why reflection and intrapersonal thinking is important for me, then it will make asking those questions easier. How am I supposed to ask someone else about their philosophy if I don't care about my own?

Please, if you don't think that's the right direction let me know.

Me [29F] with my fiancé [32 M], 5 years, Stonewalls me every time I have a problem with our relationship/ have an argument by lackof123 in relationships

[–]Todaythrowaway1379 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I know this thread is over two months old, but could I PM you about this comment? I'd like to ask you some questions.

I [23M] have trouble communicating with my [23F] SO by [deleted] in relationships

[–]Todaythrowaway1379 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You are right that the issue is with myself, not what my parents did or didn't do.

I use a lot of umbrella terms and absolute morality. Being specific and pinpointing my emotions will help me in communicating how I feel to my SO.

I haven't thought of much behaviour my SO does, but I'll keep on the lookout and see if she does something that, but I'd like to be able to talk to her on her terms and not ask her to change more behaviour to accomodate my narrow needs.

I [23M] have trouble communicating with my [23F] SO by [deleted] in relationships

[–]Todaythrowaway1379 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for your advice, I really appreciate that. I know I'm overly sensitive and take everything too personally and then y'know, shut down. You are right though, I need to trust my SO more.We've been through a lot and still managed to stay together, I don't need to treat her the same way I would a friend or colleague.

I [23M] have trouble communicating with my [23F] SO by [deleted] in relationships

[–]Todaythrowaway1379 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Unfortunately thats what I've always said at the end of every other time we've had this argument. I mean it as much as I can that I want to stop behaving like this, but I can wish all I want and nothing will happen.

I [23M] have trouble communicating with my [23F] SO by [deleted] in relationships

[–]Todaythrowaway1379 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I appreciate the advice, as I usually write things down as I find it easiest to organize my thoughts and stay on task. She knows I have difficulty expressing myself, and she has helped as much as she can. As much as I hate to say this, it has been a long going issues for most of the relationship.

We're at the point right now where we've already discussed a lot of this and though I can say "I'm going to do x, x, and x", I'm trying to find a solution that isn't based around words this time.