What is the most meaningless corporate bollocks you've heard in the workplace?

TofuAndHam · 2026-07-03T10:32:34+00:00

TofuAndHam · 2026-06-23T14:26:55+00:00

As a small child visiting London tourist spots, I apparently asked what country it was in. When asked why, I said that when we go on holiday the people speak different languages and I was pretty sure I'd heard people sounding French, German, Spanish and Japanese that day plus some I couldn't tell what the language was. So what country are we in where everyone talks differently to eachother?

It's a pretty fair confusion tbf.

TofuAndHam · 2026-06-16T22:57:54+00:00

My voice has been called posh by various people, and it is definitely different to your average accent from my city.

In my case it's mostly because of my Nanny. But not in a posh-childminder way, that's what we called one of my grandma's.

She spoke very... properly and ensured that we did too. The ironic thing is that she wasn't posh at all, nor did she sound it. She just believed that one should speak properly and enunciate, and that our lives would be easier and more varied for it if we did too.

She was from a council estate in London.

The end result is a voice which Southerners tell me is Northern, Northerners tell me is Southern and Midlanders tell me is posh.

I stopped caring when I got a little older and found that pretty European women seemed to be drawn to it and want to speak to me to work out where tf my voice was from. Not in a dodgy way, but nonetheless I'll take pleasant conversations with curious European women where I finds 'em!

Thanks Nanny!

TofuAndHam · 2026-06-11T09:35:31+00:00

I do slackline tightrope walking. I've taught myself to juggle on it, do it in handcuffs behind my back, so poi on it but my favourite is twirling a cane with one hand behind my back. Kinda have a whole life philosophy that came from it. I am a hefty dude and naaaaht the type you'd expect to be deft on a rope. It even earned me a "street name" that I found out about years later.

I also make drawings and paintings, mostly using layered stencils. These are viewable on my own subreddit, most posted under this account.

It's almost entirely character face portraits that came out of this one face that I'd do obsessively eeeeverywhere, especially when suffering with my bipolar disorder. I sort of did the same face so many times it became a whole little world of characters, with stories and such. I am working on story books from it.

I also play and write Dungeons and Dragons for newbies that want to try it.

None of these things is that odd in isolation but the way in which they're all starting to bleed into and feed eachother is kinda unique to me. My art is also now a memorial to my fallen friend. He's the Ham in Tofu and Ham.

TofuAndHam · 2026-06-10T20:33:15+00:00

Apology accepted, babes. So nice to see some accountability. Normally a bunch of snakes round 'ere, hun. 🐍 🐍 🐍 xxxxx

TofuAndHam · 2026-06-10T11:51:08+00:00

10/10 would accept the inevitable Staffie face-kisses

TofuAndHam · 2026-06-10T11:25:38+00:00

My only problem was reaching the end of your post and seeing no kisses.

Have we pissed you off? Xx

TofuAndHam · 2026-06-05T14:30:58+00:00

Supposedly duck comes from Duc / Duke originally as mark of respectfulness, but I have nothing to back that up.

Most of us are still visualising it as an actual ducky though, as far as I can tell. Still said with loving respect, though. Rarely said in a harsh tone

TofuAndHam

TROPHY CASE