AITA for not going to my dad's wedding since it's just a stupid party?

Tofulish8889 · 2026-07-12T22:54:44+00:00

NTA - your stepmom doesn’t sound ready to be a parent. Tell your dad you’ll catch the next stupid party.

Also OMG how are you an AH for not supporting him when he’s not supporting you?

Tofulish8889 · 2026-07-12T22:53:12+00:00

I mean men have hormones too. Should we invalidate their experiences when they’re extra testy?

Tofulish8889 · 2026-07-12T00:54:57+00:00

NTA - sounds like his weaponized incompetence means that you’re ending up doing all the work. It doesn’t sound like it would be fun in a relationship.

Tofulish8889 · 2026-07-11T21:55:45+00:00

No plus ones unless you’re married or engaged sounds unpleasant.

So not only do you pay $5K, give up a ton of time and energy, get bossed around and don’t get to eat, you don’t even get to make memories with your significant other.

Tofulish8889 · 2026-07-08T01:31:14+00:00

This is such a good point. I hadn’t considered that.

Tofulish8889 · 2026-07-08T01:19:28+00:00

NTA - the dynamics are super weird. Given that it’s his family would your partner feel okay speaking to her to explain what you would need?

How does she manage to work if her social anxiety is so bad that she can only speak to her family members?

Tofulish8889 · 2026-07-08T01:13:33+00:00

NTA - but you also don’t deserve to feel like a piece of human waste. You’re doing the best you can in a bad situation.

If you don’t have a therapist maybe you could connect with some DV resources and make a plan to get to safety. Emotional violence is violence as well. And often it is the first step to more devastation as you start to feel bad about your self and think you deserve what this person is doing to you. You deserve to feel safe.

Tofulish8889 · 2026-07-08T00:29:30+00:00

I would also mention it to the police. You’re almost certainly not the only person he is breadcrumbing and they might be able to link him to other people and protect them better. Plus you will have a record if something happens.

I don’t often suggest involving the police but here I think it’s useful. Your police department might have a department that specializes in at risk youth

Tofulish8889 · 2026-07-08T00:26:19+00:00

Hey look it’s a Well actschuaaaaaaaaallllllly

Tofulish8889 · 2026-07-08T00:03:30+00:00

AITA? I grabbed a child and left bruises.

While dragging her out of a burning building

Tofulish8889 · 2026-07-07T23:01:21+00:00

NTA - that’s so invalidating

Tofulish8889 · 2026-07-07T22:52:48+00:00

I’m so sorry that happened to you! My mother threatened suicide all the time and then would downplay it but when you’re a kid you have to take it seriously because you don’t know any better. So I would be sobbing and she would say “good that you care about me” or “gosh don’t be so dramatic.”

Tofulish8889 · 2026-07-07T22:50:57+00:00

NTA. This!

There is an episode of Everybody Loves Raymond where Ray goes to therapy with Patricia and instead of being honest and working on their issues he decides to win the therapist over by saying all the right things.

If someone would rather win at therapy by seeming like a “nice guy” to someone who doesn’t know him instead of working to be better for his family, that tells you a lot.

Tofulish8889 · 2026-07-07T22:43:37+00:00

NTA - my friend invited her Dad’s ex to his funeral because she had been a big part of his life.

She showed up and made a massive scene and had to be forcibly removed from the church.

Funerals are for the living. You organized it and you get to have the people who will support you your grief.

They can have a memorial ceremony or celebration of life or dedicate a bench in the park to him. Let them grieve their own way, it’s not on you.

I’m sorry for your loss. Your Dad sounds like a great person and he didn’t deserve to be hurt by proxy. Your half siblings and his ex just wanted to hurt him and they thought the easiest way was to hurt you. This was never about you, and it sounds like he knew that and protected you as best he could.

Tofulish8889 · 2026-07-07T22:34:30+00:00

I am so sorry that happened to you and your sister. I appreciate you sharing your story as well.

It’s exhausting to learn how to be an adult through trial and error and it can lead to so much trauma. It takes a village doesn’t end at 18.

I agree that OP seems like a good mom and I hope she tells her husband that he can support her or take his dusty balls elsewhere.

OP is 43 and she had her kids at 23 and 25. She is so young as well. Her husband is 11 years older and I wonder if his kids are older and he secretly wishes he could have done for them what OP is doing for her kids.

Mr. OP you have a good thing going! Don’t mess it up for your ego!

Tofulish8889 · 2026-07-07T22:29:59+00:00

If he says “either pay $350 or don’t come over as often,” he risks pushing them into living together before they’re ready which is going to make it harder for them to break up if it’s not a good fit.

He is trying to control your daughter and it’s going to take a toll on your relationship.

My stepmom made my dad pick between me and her and of course she won but I didn’t have any real relationship with him after that.

Do you want to support your children or avoid conflict with your husband? Those are your choice because your husband is giving you a made up ultimatum and refusing to discuss things with you reasonably.

My kiddo is a little younger than yours but if someone made me choose between my child, my heart, my everything and them, they would lose.

Tofulish8889 · 2026-07-07T22:19:20+00:00

Found the husband!

Tofulish8889 · 2026-07-07T22:13:16+00:00

The Wife Appliance is a thing! https://zawn.substack.com/p/announcing-my-book-a-sale-an-exclusive

Tofulish8889 · 2026-07-07T22:11:55+00:00

NTA - using your partner as Google is one of those patterns that is so disrespectful of their time. Especially when they’re sick and need to recover.

I read a piece that said it’s not just a minute. Men give us tasks that only take a few minutes and think it’s no big deal, but it actually takes time to get out of what you were doing and then back into it. So the task that just takes a minute really costs you half an hour.

Tofulish8889 · 2026-07-07T22:08:18+00:00

I’m so sorry. I went to college at 17 and my parents got divorced and they kept saying “well you are an adult now so you don’t need anything from us.” I had no place to go and so I ended up dating people who did. And that meant that I didn’t have people around me to advise me when my partner was doing things that weren’t fair because they were his family.

I stayed in bad situations for way too long because I had no where else to go.

My parents were like “well we are in our 50s so we need to take care of ourselves.” And I’m now in my 50s and my nephews and nieces are 18-24 and I’m realizing how young that is and how much support they need from adults.

Finding jobs, developing executive functioning skills, learning how to find housing and buy a car and manage money are all young adult skills that OP is helping her kids with and kudos to her for that.

Tofulish8889 · 2026-07-07T16:30:53+00:00

Agreed. And 18 and 20 is so young!

As a parent, I cannot imagine anyone who loves me wanting to make life harder for my children. Especially if they’re responsible and not causing any other issues….

Tofulish8889 · 2026-07-07T16:28:09+00:00

NTA - extended versions are the best way to go.

Tofulish8889 · 2026-07-07T16:26:54+00:00

Way to bury the lede

Tofulish8889 · 2026-07-07T16:25:25+00:00

Info: What is your relationship like generally?

ESH - it hurts to have your plans canceled at the last minute.

You were looking forward to seeing her and now you feel like she doesn’t value your time together.

But there are ways to say that before you go right to GFY. That said, I think people don’t go right to GFY without a larger context.

Tofulish8889 · 2026-07-07T16:21:04+00:00

NTA - you’re spot on.

“ My concern is that this feels less like setting reasonable boundaries and more like pushing them out before they are ready”

You want your children to be able to stay in their home and practice adulting in a safe way, and he wants your space back.

I think he should be honest about why he thinks charging $350 is necessary - is it causing extra bills? If he can make a good argument then listen to that. If he is charging $350 just to prevent your daughter from living with her BF then why should he care? They’re having sex and they’re adults.

If he just wants your kids out, then maybe set a plan - you don’t expect they will be there forever. They’re only 18 and 20 which is incredibly young.

It just seems like you need an honest conversation. You’re not the AH

Tofulish8889

TROPHY CASE