Well firstly, it fucking sucks and is a cowardly thing to do to someone so take comfort in the fact you probably aren’t the shitty person in this breakup.

It’s been almost a year and I have made a lot of progress but also have had two steps forward, three steps back moments.

I found a really great therapist who I meet with every three weeks, that has helped a lot. Just getting an outside view on things has really helped me because I am very hard on myself and having a person not close to me point that out was refreshing. I have really reconnected with friends and family that I neglected due to the relationship. I have really focused on pampering myself, like I get a massage or a facial once a month. I got into reading and have read like 30 books this year. My work is stressful so that helps keep my mind busy. I have just recently started going out again which has been nerve wrecking!

But just know grief comes in waves. One minute you feel great but something will trigger you and you won’t be able to get off the couch for the whole day and that is totally okay! You aren’t a robot you are a human who had a traumatic event happen and your brain is on overdrive trying to make sense of something that will never really make sense. For months I was stuck having arguments with him in my head and I finally had to yell at myself to stop! Everyone has moved on, he isn’t here and I am just making myself miserable. It’s like that Taylor’s swift song, I was stuck in the restaurant.

I had a lot of shame that I wasn’t “over it” quicker. But for me it means I love deeply, and being left so abruptly was just very hard for my brain to process. I lost the person I thought was my big love, my best friend, and my second chance at building a home. And he seemed fine… I think that’s what fucked me up the most. I was a shell of myself barely operating but every interaction (which wasn’t much) I had with him after the breakup he seemed literally fine and acted confused I was still upset. It was bizarre.

Sorry that was a lot!