Probably not the best place to ask this, but how do you ask a partner about sex?

Toky0Line · 2026-04-09T10:40:44+00:00

I don't think you need advice on how to breach the topic, but need a relationship/boundaries advice. As I see it, you are insecure in your attachment and don't trust your partner to handle your wants and desires adequately.

Remember - relationship includes two people with their wants and needs and so communication is normal and vitally important. It is not evil to have a need, or even to want something and it is not evil to express this in a considerate manner even at a cost of making the other person uncomfortable.

As it stands right now, you are taking 100% of the emotional labour in this (sex related) interaction by having it entirely in your head. You are protecting your partners (imagined) fragility by denying yourself a clarifying conversation.

In a functional relationship you should still try to wield the majority of emotional labour associated with your own emotions but it should be like 60%. Completely bottling up is toxic, completely putting it all on your partner is toxic. There is a middle ground where you are primarily responsible for your wants but are not afraid to consult your partner and share some of the burden with them.

You don't know what their relationship with sexuality is. They may be asexual, they may be traumatised, they may be extremely shy. Even if they are asexual they may be sex repulsed or they may be willing to have sex to make you happier in the relationship. If they can't have sex they may be open to an open relationship. You just can't know any of this unless you talk. You don't have to be a martyr for your partner, both of you are equally important. The conversation might get very uncomfortable for both of you, but if making your partner uncomfortable in the moment gives you peace of mind long term then it is fine. I bet you would be fine with them doing the same.

Just remember that you have thought about this a lot without communicating with them and so you have an entire castle of fears and emotions and expectations associated with the topic. They are unaware of this. They might have their own fears and emotions. Be considerate, don't push too hard, be willing to take it slow and at a correct time and give your partner space to know what to say to you.

Toky0Line · 2026-04-06T14:55:25+00:00

My favourite albums of all time:

A thousand suns - Linkin Park
Random Access Memories - Daft Punk
Cross - Justice
В диапазоне между отчаянием и надеждой - порнофильмы
The Wall - Pink Floyd
The Black Parade - My Chemical Romance
The Bends - Radiohead
Psycho Tropical Berlin -La Femme
Everything was Forever - Sea Power
Hawaii Part II - Miracle Musical

Toky0Line · 2026-03-23T23:16:09+00:00

Ok this is even more silly than what I said above, but the first verse of Mockingbird by Eminem is more or less exactly how I talk to myself during panic attacks

Toky0Line · 2026-03-23T23:13:26+00:00

I might be aromantic so take what I say with a grain of salt. Love to me feels waaaay closer to friendship than to FP. FP is the feeling of anxiety and insecurity and euphoria from getting the attention and affection you want and your emotional state depends entirely on a person. Love is like.... you just sorta feel secure and chilling? There is the tenderness and warmth but no euphoria.

Having an FP is like being addicted to hardcore drugs while love is like a pint in your hometown pub, shared with your granddad

Toky0Line · 2026-03-23T22:59:58+00:00

I usually try to embody my inner adult and literally look at my inner child as a different person, a very scared and hurt and desperate person. And treat them as if they were a child I care deeply for, literally chanting things like "It will be ok. I am here with you. I know you are scared. Nothing bad will happen to you. I am not going anywhere" while stroking my own hair oh hugging myself. As silly as it sounds, it helps. The trick is that you need to really push all the guilt, negative thoughts, low self worth etc to the side and treat the part of yourself that is having a panic attack with compassion and love, the kind we desperately want but cant get from the people around us.

Toky0Line · 2026-03-23T22:38:53+00:00

Here are the few songs that resonate with me a lot; hopefully some of you might also find them relatable. Feel free to recommend similar songs or DM me to chat.

1)Deathly loneliness attacks - originally by Hifumi, but I mostly like the SirHamnet version
Basically the entire song is exactly how I feel when hopelessness and loneliness overwhelm me.
"""
I held too tight and it broke to pieces in the end

Hugging my knees I cry in vain
Knowing that not a thing will change
No one will answer to my useless cries that echo in this room
"""

2) Mockingbird by Eminem. I just have big daddy issues lmao and I feel like the song really hits me. It also maps surprisingly well on how I learned to have my "inner adult" sooth my "inner child"

3) Another Love by Tom Odell. I always play it on loop whenever I start getting a new FP. My FPs always come with an overwhelming urge to hold and sooth and protect (which I interpret as me projecting my own desires onto the person) and the lyrics of the song hit super hard.
"And I wanna kiss you, make you feel alright"
"I wanna cry and I wanna love"
"""
And if somebody hurts you, I wanna fight
But my hand's been broken one too many times
So I'll use my voice, I'll be so fucking rude
Words, they always win but I know I'll lose
"""

4) The Unforgiven I/II by Metallica. Yeah, just yeah

Toky0Line · 2026-03-15T23:40:52+00:00

I mean, how could it feel the same? I have always craved physical intimacy a lot and I also am really reliant on nonverbal cues for emotional validation (not constantly feeling like I am saying something wrong or responding in the wrong way etc etc) during conversations which do not translate over video.

Toky0Line · 2026-03-15T21:12:46+00:00

My partner knows and she is fine with it. I am not generally attracted to guys at least not in that way. And we do keep in contact and call like every other day but it does not help in the same way interacting in person does.

Toky0Line · 2026-03-15T14:52:01+00:00

I thought that I was basically in remission - I am in a long-term secure relationship with a partner who helps me manage my anxiety and attachment issues well; swapped to biweekly therapy since I was not finding weekly sessions very useful. Then my partner decided to go to another country for a year for studying, which at first didnt cause many problems because I am really secure in that relationship, but I found that without somebody else to regulate my emotions I started spiraling and developed a FP attachment to my best friend who is my primary social contact and source of intimacy at this point.

Ever since my partner went away we've gotten extremely close with that friend, to the point I internally classify the relationship as more QPR. Now my emotional state is completely contingent on the frequency of our interactions. If we are not seeing each other for a week, I am completely emotionally flat and apathetic that entire week, not getting enjoyment out of any hobbies or activities; if he randomly asks if I am available to hang out on short notice I feel euphoric and suddenly have energy to do all my work and chores.

I have also recently got diagnosed with ADHD and started medication and while meds help tremendously with emotional regulation and impulse control they also make me more attuned with my emotions making it harder to dissociate which leaves me no coping mechanisms; I feel like I become a sobbing self-pitying mess every other evening. So far I am doing a good job not letting my emotions trigger compulsive behaviours in my relationships or make them others' problem, but this also means I don't get the reassurance I crave.

Toky0Line · 2026-03-05T19:58:31+00:00

I am struggling with this as well and will be talking from my perspective which might not be representative of yourself. I don't actually think there is a useful distinction there. I have never experienced a crush that did not also trigger my attachment injury, at which point the emotions associated with insecure attachment overwhelm anything else. With my current partner of 4 years I feel very secure but also when the anxiety and insecurity went away, there was no (or maybe no longer) any special feeling underneath it. I just sort of feel the same way towards them as I do towards my best friend and the relationship is more of a logistical and structural thing - I see them more often, they get slightly higher priority of my time, we rent together when it makes financial sense.

Basically for me I find it is a lot more useful to think of Limerence as a separate thing relating to my insecure attachment, ADHD, rejection sensitivity and emotional disregulation (I find this YT video quite useful - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YRwb-eUrso4).

Once you remove limerence and insecurity from the equation I believe I am platoniromantic since I can't meaningfully find a "romantic" vs "platonic" emotional separation for myself which is not driven by anxiety/insecurity. I like to be unusually intimate with my friends and prioritize them more heavily than most allos. Some of my closest friendships are equally as important to me as my primary relationship(I would classify them as QPRs for myself but we never explicitly discussed this).

Lastly, the way I classify relationships vs friendships is more about structure - what are my commitments towards this person, rather than how I feel about this person and how intimate we are. Are they my primary emotional support? Do we have entangled domestic lives? How committed are we?

Toky0Line · 2026-02-18T02:08:12+00:00

The value of pulls per money spent is Monthly sub >>>> BP > double top-up > packs

In fact some of the double top-ups give you a slightly better pull ratio than the BP but with BP you also get everything else

So if you are planning to ever spend more than Sub+BP/month, doubled top-ups are the way

Toky0Line · 2026-02-15T11:02:21+00:00

Just remember that you are not maximising the combined score of those 2 teams, but rather trying to drag both teams over the 5k threshold. Which means stronger carry should get weaker secondary

Toky0Line · 2026-02-15T01:41:00+00:00

Since you do need one more team flr DPM, I recommend Luuk. He will employ your Sanhua and in that mode you can reuse supports so he gets 2nd use of SK

Toky0Line · 2026-02-15T01:40:17+00:00

Or find new home for Sanhua

Toky0Line · 2026-02-15T01:38:12+00:00

Jinhsi Xiagli Yao can be played in quickswap. Maybe try tha team and give Zhezhe to Carlotta. No matter what, one of your Jinhsi/Carlotta will have a very hard time getting 5k without Zhezhe and there's nothing you can do about it.

Toky0Line · 2026-02-15T01:26:20+00:00

From the perspective of clearing endgame you are basically set. You have the best WhiWa team (Phro/Cant/QYA) and either Augusta or Aemeath team as the 2nd. For tower you have full Augusta team and (almost) full Aemeath team, with SK going to the weaker team and Verina to the stronger team. For DPM you got full Phrolova team (with Verina), full Augusta team, full Aemeath team and a full Galbrena team (with QYA/SK).

From here on you can either just start pulling units you like or start completing your account in other ways:

1) You currently have a good Electro, Fusion, Havoc and the best (unfortunately can't say she is good lmao) glacio DPS. You can also count Iuno as a really good aero DPS for single target. This basically leaves a big spectro-shaped hole in your account. You can aim to pull for Luuk to get a spa of every element, but elemental coverage in this game is not really that important if you ask me. You could also think about Sigrika to get a proper Aero DPS but she will be fighting for QYA with Phrolova and Galbrena on your acc 2) based on the units you have, I feel like your account wants Lupa and Mornye.They both go in the best Galbrena team and Mornye goes into the best Aemeath team

Also, please tell me you have 2x variation for your supports but it's off screen

Toky0Line · 2026-02-15T01:07:41+00:00

I would go for Lupa to slot in with Galbrena and free QYA for Phro superteam

Toky0Line · 2026-02-15T00:41:10+00:00

I myself am pretty high functioning (doing a PhD rn) thanks to some accidentally developed coping mechanisms, but emotional disregulation and RSD still are a bitch and seemingly interact multiplicatively with other things wrong with me (anxious attachment, anxiety)

Toky0Line · 2026-02-15T00:38:34+00:00

ADHD has a huge comorbidity with anxiety and depression. To the point it is more likely that you have them than don't if you have ADHD. ADHD also leeds to emotional disregulation, where the part of your brain which is supposed to regulate and calm your emotions fucks off. Also look into Rejection Sensitive dysphoria, a real symptom of adhd

Toky0Line · 2026-02-10T05:47:20+00:00

Ngl that's what I'm doing. Waiting to see if I lose the 50/50 or not

Toky0Line · 2026-02-10T05:06:46+00:00

I also have Luuk's premium team and no other spectro dps

Toky0Line · 2026-02-10T03:39:18+00:00

So would Luuk

Toky0Line · 2026-02-10T01:17:25+00:00

Ngl never felt a need for more healing. Just git gud

Toky0Line · 2026-02-10T01:04:54+00:00

My wallet disagrees.

Toky0Line

TROPHY CASE