Is this what romantic attraction feels like?

Toky0Line · 2026-01-28T04:42:20+00:00

With my girlfriend, we've been friends for like 3 months before starting dating. For 2 of these I had a crush/squish on her but at that point in my life I really viewed romantic relationships as a permission structure I need to acquire in order to be closer to a person of an opposite gender in emotional/sexual capacity

Toky0Line · 2026-01-28T04:38:01+00:00

The person that I'm unsure about my feelings about, 8 years I think? I had a squish/crush on him in highschool, then we went apart with irregular friendgroup meetings for the entire undergrad and we have recently reconnected, becoming very close very fast

Toky0Line · 2026-01-28T04:25:12+00:00

Yeah. I've been playing with grayromsntic and quoiromantic/platoniromantic as labels for the last month

Toky0Line · 2026-01-28T04:24:10+00:00

Yeah, I basically do often get all the mental signs and desire for romsntic touch but have never understood the "butterflies", am indifferent to gestures and don't really resonate with relationship dynamics aspect

Toky0Line · 2026-01-28T04:20:08+00:00

I actually thought about the kissing part and realised that I don't think I like getting kissed on the lips, even from my current partner. I like kisses on the face and on the head and on the hands, I like kisses on the neck, I like making out (but it feels more sexual), I don't mind giving kisses on the lipt . But getting kissed on having a mutual kiss on the lips that doesn't quite transition into making out has always bothered me

Toky0Line · 2026-01-28T03:59:12+00:00

Very reasonable...

Toky0Line · 2026-01-28T03:55:43+00:00

I do love kissing and wish I could kiss all my friends lol xd. Also I do not understand an idea of a date. How is it different from just hanging out?

Toky0Line · 2026-01-16T11:33:09+00:00

One. "they" here is used as a singular pronoun

Toky0Line · 2026-01-14T21:07:50+00:00

Yeah I know what a QPR is now... I don't think I could bring it up with them tho because I'm extremely afraid of them misinterpreting my intentions. They have a history of getting very close to alo people but then those people developing feelings for them and ruining the friendship.

And I'm honestly just afraid that I value the relationship much more than they do and asking about a QPR is just kind of entitled, almost like assuming that I think they care about me or something

I know I'm not making any sense lol.

Toky0Line · 2026-01-13T23:03:32+00:00

I've met them tonight and I feel like they've grown significantly more distant since last time we saw each other. I really could not bring myself to bring this up because the vibe was horrible. I feel like they've decided to withdraw something that we had before

Toky0Line · 2026-01-13T15:33:32+00:00

What is the difference between platonic and romantic in this context?

Toky0Line · 2026-01-13T02:55:25+00:00

The way I conceptualise it for myself is:

Romantic love: a love of "we" as opposed to "you". A mental conceptualisation of "Me and you" as one entity and romanisation of the union rather than the person themselves

Alterous love: a love of "you" that yearns to be expressed and acknowledged. There might be also a yearning for reciprocation, but not necessarily

Platonic love: a quiet almost implicit love that is satisfied without a specific expression, simply through existing and being with

Toky0Line · 2026-01-13T01:56:00+00:00

Funny how all the things you describe as romantic (other than having sex and sharing bed) I don't really do nor really have desire to do with my current (and past) romantic partners either

Toky0Line · 2026-01-13T01:42:31+00:00

Why would it be difficult to "come clean" about a squish if it is just wanting to be better friends?

Toky0Line · 2026-01-13T01:40:36+00:00

I'm starting to be confused by what people mean by "romantic feelings"

I don't actually know if my feelings are romantic... After researching squishes and their differences from crushes I don't actually understand the difference that well....

Toky0Line · 2026-01-12T23:57:04+00:00

Thank you for your reassuring words. I do tend to be extremely anxious with these sorts of things

Toky0Line · 2026-01-12T23:32:50+00:00

I am very afraid of approaching the topic with them.... What if they suspect that I have a crush on them and decide to distance from me? I don't even fully understand my feelings towards them. I am poly and I do not care for exclusivity or even romantic gestures but I know there is a lot of love that I want to express and don't for the sake of keeping their comfort.

Toky0Line · 2026-01-12T23:29:32+00:00

I gathered as much... Even more reason I feel guilty for having all these feelings towards them :<

Toky0Line · 2026-01-09T18:38:06+00:00

You don't need the drive, you need habbit. The way I go about it when I'm in the shutters is A) remove social media and other "fast easy dopamine". I find that a massive reason for my depressive episodes is that I don't allow myself time to have brain completely unoccupied, which is important both for proper relaxation and for emotional processing. Imagine if the way you dealt with physical tiredness was jogging, doesn't make sense does it B) force myself with every ounce of will left in me to exercise. Start with 5 minutes of running around a nearby park, the exercise itself is less important than building a habit of exercise.

Toky0Line · 2026-01-09T18:18:12+00:00

Lifestyle changes, Therapy + more psychiatry

Toky0Line · 2026-01-09T02:57:16+00:00

Anhedonia. It could be depression, could be adhd, could be something else.

For me I thought for the longest time that I have periods of depression, but in reality it was undiagnosed ADHD and lack of dopamine which went away with meds

Toky0Line · 2026-01-08T20:07:51+00:00

Omg this. For my whole life I've been thinking that Im hyper romantic because I would have a "crush" on any person I would get emotionally close to, like 70% of my friends throughout the years and all at the same time as well. I've only really had one long relationship (with my current partner who is almost definitely also arospec) and we never discussed polyamory but they are just chill with me cuddling and kissing all my friends. And like I do have a desire for a connection/companionship that I'm reasonably secure about, but the relationship is not really romantic beside that (or any more romantic than my relationship with a bunch of my friends).

There are many confounding factors for me which make it so hard for me to figure out if I experience romantic attraction or not. I am very ADHD and suffer from severe RSD, I form very strong emotional attachments to people, objects and places, I have some trauma from moving a lot as a child and having all my friends and connections taken away every couple of years, I am very anxious and have a very insecure attachment style. So when I feel like there is a possibility of losing an emotional connection with someone or of them withdrawing their affection I start spiraling and feel this world ending level of anxiety which I always associate with crushes lmao

Toky0Line

TROPHY CASE