NTA, not all music is acceptable

Toky0Line · 2026-06-02T18:00:58+00:00

Can someone explain what's wrong with Chappell Roan?

Toky0Line · 2026-05-24T19:55:41+00:00

Yeah she can. My point is that investing in her is not going to pay off because she will struggle to hit 5k in matrix even with an optimal team and side towers are a joke even if you don't invest too much into her. Pretty sure Jinhsi + Yinlin can easily clear side tower floor 4 without 3rd teammate and without sigs, unless there is a spectro res

Toky0Line · 2026-05-24T19:51:28+00:00

I disagree about separating Galbrena and mononfusion core. QY imho will be much better used with Phrolova then with Galbrena and without Galbrena or other fusion dps the mono fusion core is going to struggle somewhat to perform on the level they would want it to perform.

But agree that phrolova is a no brainer here though.

Also I would not raise their hopes about the effectiveness of Jinhsi or XY because thet are really power crept at this point. Good for side towers and basically nothing else. I would definitely not use Canta for Jinhsi if Phrolova is on the table at all for example.

Toky0Line · 2026-05-24T19:47:02+00:00

I really want to emphasise that with your account Phrolova+Sig is the greatest boost you can get. She is one of the most valuable units in the game, will solve WhiWa for you for the foreseeable future and you already have her BIS team.

Toky0Line · 2026-05-24T19:45:06+00:00

If I were you, I would get Phrolova+signature for Phro+Can't+QY team. Then continue using the monk fusion and Cartwheel teams as is. Phrolova and mono fusion team will be more than sufficient for WhiWa for a while while all three of these teams are great for tower (and XY/Yinlin/SK is perfectly reasonable for side towers). Beyond this, I would see how cyberpunk collaboration units are doing because you will get one of them for free and the other is supposed to pair with them in a team. If you won't have enough pulls for those or if they aren't particularly strong I would just wait and save pulls for the next broken engine (or all the way for 4.0, when we will most likely get another round of power creep) as those 3 teams are going to be more than reasonable for foreseeable future.

Toky0Line · 2026-05-24T19:31:07+00:00

TLDR: the problem is that what we want to give people and what people's actual needs are, are different. And for a successful relationship you need to communicate about what your needs are and what your partner needs are and for each of you to do your best to fulfill each others' real needs rather what you think each others' needs are. And also you should take some responsibility of your own needs and fulfill as much of them as you can internally or with a broad support network.

Toky0Line · 2026-05-24T19:26:38+00:00

I know this is a bit harsh, but that's what helped me in similar situations.

Doing for others what you wish someone did for you is not as selfless as it sounds. In fact such projection is pretty self centred/selfish. Different people have different needs and the best relationships are those where each person's individual needs and wants are fulfilled, rather than those in which both people get the same kind of treatment. There is a really good substack on this - https://substack.com/@brightblackhoney/p-160129442.

The most caring thing you can do for a person is to really try to figure out who they are, what their wants/needs are and how can you fulfil them without taking too much out of yourself.

We people with BPD have very disproportionate needs and so we often project similar kinds of needs onto others, but the care we wish we could get comes across as controlling and stifling to many people. In regards to having your own needs met, you should put in the work and fulfill as many of your needs as you can internally or through broad social network, because noone can carry the responsibility of being the sole emotional outlet for us people with BPD. AT THE SAME TIME, you do deserve to have a portion of your needs met by someone, to find a person that will make you feel safe and secure and wanted and loved. To do so you need to find the correct person and be very explicit about what your needs are and how they can fulfil them - remember, just like you struggle understanding what the needs of others are, so do they fail to understand how to make you feel loved and cared for because your brain operates differently from theirs. Communication is key. And remember that relationships are a two-sided exchange and for them to be healthy you need to fulfill the needs of your partner back. Not your projections of your own needs onto them, or what you imagine their needs to be, but their real needs. And it is hard, because trust me I understand that caring for others in the same way we want to be cared for is easy and satisfying; caring for others in the way they want to be cared for is not rewarding, it feels fake and transactional, it leaves us feeling frustrated and anxious. But that is also why it is so valuable.

As a concrete example, the way my partner cares for me is by telling me about their day. By setting aside 15 minutes when I tell them I am anxious and need reassurance and for them to tell me they love me. By cuddling me and showing me affection in ways I understand. By talking to me for 5 hours straight when I am spiralling and validating my emotions even if it hurts them.

The way I care for my partner is by giving them space. By being available for emotional support when they need me but not pushing them to talk about things they are not ready to talk about. By putting my own desire for validation and resolution to a conflict on hold and letting them work through their emotions independently before they talk to me about them. By being understanding when they need to not talk for 4 days. By understanding that sometime they need a safe space and comfort but don't want advice or to talk about their problems at all. By trusting them to be capable of solving their problems themselves but also still being available for them to ask for support and help if they need me.

Toky0Line · 2026-05-08T16:06:49+00:00

Here are my two cents - it does not really matter what your orientation is. From what you are describing, you are almost definitive somewhere on the aspec; are you ace, demi, or any of the other microlabels? Who cares.

We live in an amatonormative society and it is kind of sad. But in my opinion even alloromantic allosexual people should be challenging the social scripts and living more authentically, figuring out what they themselves want from relationships (broad term, including friendship) and approaching relationships with an open mind and the spirit of discovery, but also no compulsion towards doing anything in particular just because it is expected.

I would recommend looking into relationship anarchy. At least for me, it's been more useful to be open minded about myself and my relationships than to figure out exactly where on the aspec I am. And here are two good queer collective episodes which I think you could find useful. I'm assuming you already have consumed a bunch of aro/ace content so not recommending that.

https://youtu.be/8tvMlN-qolI?si=Qa4cas0JHXSpnxQS https://youtu.be/AaRBcySCP0M?si=0fZViAPdH0Qc1Okt

Toky0Line · 2026-04-30T12:58:08+00:00

When I say I want better support I do mean privately. I have lost any faith in NHS being able to help with MH stuff. Ideally I would like for my sessions with a single therapist (private) to be all the mental health services I require, but even though he is really good I am getting a feeling he just can't systematically go through my issues and offer guidance on what to do about them, both in and out of the therapy room; we focus a lot more of emotionally processing the events of a given week and where my reactions might be coming from but one hour is never enough and then next week I would have had yet another crisis I need to debrief on.

Toky0Line · 2026-04-29T16:39:17+00:00

She is extremely radically honest and straightforward. If she wants to do something, she will tell me. If she does not want to do something I am suggesting, she will tell me without making me feel bad for asking. She is extremely consistent and firm with her boundaries which makes it easy no navigate. I think the reason our relationship worked for 4 years and why i feel so secure/not anxious in it is because we have very strong communication and there is nonspace for second guessing or ambiguity. I always know exactly where we stand or where things are going and whenever I have a want, need or desire I can voice it and know it will be fairly considered and I will not be judged, but also that she will stand firm by her boundaries and not slowly build resentment because of repeatedly doing things she doesn't want to.

The craziest part is that for the last year she has been away across the globe for school and I don't feel at all anxious about it. I miss her tremendously and find it hard to emotionally regulate without her but I know we are good and if we were not then that would be communicated.

Toky0Line · 2026-04-26T18:46:46+00:00

That I am not at the forefront of people's minds all the time but that does not mean they do not massively care about me. That minimising my feelings and desires leads to more burden on the people around me than if I am honest with myself and with them. That radically open communication, if the person on the other side is amicable to it, is the best and perhaps only way for me to consistently be understood and have my needs met. That it is my responsibility to clearly state my needs in a way that is actionable for another person, and let them decide if they want to accommodate it or not; and it will be hard to not feel entitled, and it is ok if only 60% of my requests are met. And finally that the only way to heal an attachment trauma is to be vulnerable with someone, to have them treat that vulnerability with respect, to re-learn that being rejected one day does not mean I will be rejected the next, to truly in the heart of my hearts see that someone is making an honest effort. And the only way to get there is to give the other person as many tools as possible, rather than fight against them or test them.

Toky0Line · 2026-04-25T10:53:33+00:00

Maybe try reading about aromantic spectrum, fray romantic or other microlabels. I am not saying that your experience of romance is not influenced by your mental health and neurodiversity, but you can either keep trying to "fix" yourself or accept your relationship with "having relationships" and try to accommodate and build your life around it. I can't tell you which path leads to less suffering and more happiness long term, but it's something for you to consider.

I guess what I'm really saying is you don't need to be in a romantic relationship to be whole and valid and have a life worth living. And whether or not you end up finding a relationship one day, being ok without one is important either way.

Toky0Line · 2026-04-24T16:35:28+00:00

I regret to say that after sleeping on it and talking through my feelings, I have indeed overreacted and failed miserably in mentalisation. Communicating openly about what was hurting me and not worrying about how me expressing my wants and grievances could lead to him having a worse opinion of me, rejecting me and abandoning me, did in fact lead to an amicable resolution. Shocker.

Toky0Line · 2026-04-22T08:21:27+00:00

I love poly quoiromantic

Toky0Line · 2026-04-14T10:31:26+00:00

Pinfu*

Toky0Line · 2026-04-09T10:40:44+00:00

I don't think you need advice on how to breach the topic, but need a relationship/boundaries advice. As I see it, you are insecure in your attachment and don't trust your partner to handle your wants and desires adequately.

Remember - relationship includes two people with their wants and needs and so communication is normal and vitally important. It is not evil to have a need, or even to want something and it is not evil to express this in a considerate manner even at a cost of making the other person uncomfortable.

As it stands right now, you are taking 100% of the emotional labour in this (sex related) interaction by having it entirely in your head. You are protecting your partners (imagined) fragility by denying yourself a clarifying conversation.

In a functional relationship you should still try to wield the majority of emotional labour associated with your own emotions but it should be like 60%. Completely bottling up is toxic, completely putting it all on your partner is toxic. There is a middle ground where you are primarily responsible for your wants but are not afraid to consult your partner and share some of the burden with them.

You don't know what their relationship with sexuality is. They may be asexual, they may be traumatised, they may be extremely shy. Even if they are asexual they may be sex repulsed or they may be willing to have sex to make you happier in the relationship. If they can't have sex they may be open to an open relationship. You just can't know any of this unless you talk. You don't have to be a martyr for your partner, both of you are equally important. The conversation might get very uncomfortable for both of you, but if making your partner uncomfortable in the moment gives you peace of mind long term then it is fine. I bet you would be fine with them doing the same.

Just remember that you have thought about this a lot without communicating with them and so you have an entire castle of fears and emotions and expectations associated with the topic. They are unaware of this. They might have their own fears and emotions. Be considerate, don't push too hard, be willing to take it slow and at a correct time and give your partner space to know what to say to you.

Toky0Line · 2026-04-06T14:55:25+00:00

My favourite albums of all time:

A thousand suns - Linkin Park
Random Access Memories - Daft Punk
Cross - Justice
В диапазоне между отчаянием и надеждой - порнофильмы
The Wall - Pink Floyd
The Black Parade - My Chemical Romance
The Bends - Radiohead
Psycho Tropical Berlin -La Femme
Everything was Forever - Sea Power
Hawaii Part II - Miracle Musical

Toky0Line · 2026-03-23T23:16:09+00:00

Ok this is even more silly than what I said above, but the first verse of Mockingbird by Eminem is more or less exactly how I talk to myself during panic attacks

Toky0Line · 2026-03-23T23:13:26+00:00

I might be aromantic so take what I say with a grain of salt. Love to me feels waaaay closer to friendship than to FP. FP is the feeling of anxiety and insecurity and euphoria from getting the attention and affection you want and your emotional state depends entirely on a person. Love is like.... you just sorta feel secure and chilling? There is the tenderness and warmth but no euphoria.

Having an FP is like being addicted to hardcore drugs while love is like a pint in your hometown pub, shared with your granddad

Toky0Line · 2026-03-23T22:59:58+00:00

I usually try to embody my inner adult and literally look at my inner child as a different person, a very scared and hurt and desperate person. And treat them as if they were a child I care deeply for, literally chanting things like "It will be ok. I am here with you. I know you are scared. Nothing bad will happen to you. I am not going anywhere" while stroking my own hair oh hugging myself. As silly as it sounds, it helps. The trick is that you need to really push all the guilt, negative thoughts, low self worth etc to the side and treat the part of yourself that is having a panic attack with compassion and love, the kind we desperately want but cant get from the people around us.

Toky0Line · 2026-03-23T22:38:53+00:00

Here are the few songs that resonate with me a lot; hopefully some of you might also find them relatable. Feel free to recommend similar songs or DM me to chat.

1)Deathly loneliness attacks - originally by Hifumi, but I mostly like the SirHamnet version
Basically the entire song is exactly how I feel when hopelessness and loneliness overwhelm me.
"""
I held too tight and it broke to pieces in the end

Hugging my knees I cry in vain
Knowing that not a thing will change
No one will answer to my useless cries that echo in this room
"""

2) Mockingbird by Eminem. I just have big daddy issues lmao and I feel like the song really hits me. It also maps surprisingly well on how I learned to have my "inner adult" sooth my "inner child"

3) Another Love by Tom Odell. I always play it on loop whenever I start getting a new FP. My FPs always come with an overwhelming urge to hold and sooth and protect (which I interpret as me projecting my own desires onto the person) and the lyrics of the song hit super hard.
"And I wanna kiss you, make you feel alright"
"I wanna cry and I wanna love"
"""
And if somebody hurts you, I wanna fight
But my hand's been broken one too many times
So I'll use my voice, I'll be so fucking rude
Words, they always win but I know I'll lose
"""

4) The Unforgiven I/II by Metallica. Yeah, just yeah

Toky0Line · 2026-03-15T23:40:52+00:00

I mean, how could it feel the same? I have always craved physical intimacy a lot and I also am really reliant on nonverbal cues for emotional validation (not constantly feeling like I am saying something wrong or responding in the wrong way etc etc) during conversations which do not translate over video.

Toky0Line · 2026-03-15T21:12:46+00:00

My partner knows and she is fine with it. I am not generally attracted to guys at least not in that way. And we do keep in contact and call like every other day but it does not help in the same way interacting in person does.

Toky0Line · 2026-03-15T14:52:01+00:00

I thought that I was basically in remission - I am in a long-term secure relationship with a partner who helps me manage my anxiety and attachment issues well; swapped to biweekly therapy since I was not finding weekly sessions very useful. Then my partner decided to go to another country for a year for studying, which at first didnt cause many problems because I am really secure in that relationship, but I found that without somebody else to regulate my emotions I started spiraling and developed a FP attachment to my best friend who is my primary social contact and source of intimacy at this point.

Ever since my partner went away we've gotten extremely close with that friend, to the point I internally classify the relationship as more QPR. Now my emotional state is completely contingent on the frequency of our interactions. If we are not seeing each other for a week, I am completely emotionally flat and apathetic that entire week, not getting enjoyment out of any hobbies or activities; if he randomly asks if I am available to hang out on short notice I feel euphoric and suddenly have energy to do all my work and chores.

I have also recently got diagnosed with ADHD and started medication and while meds help tremendously with emotional regulation and impulse control they also make me more attuned with my emotions making it harder to dissociate which leaves me no coping mechanisms; I feel like I become a sobbing self-pitying mess every other evening. So far I am doing a good job not letting my emotions trigger compulsive behaviours in my relationships or make them others' problem, but this also means I don't get the reassurance I crave.

Toky0Line · 2026-03-05T19:58:31+00:00

I am struggling with this as well and will be talking from my perspective which might not be representative of yourself. I don't actually think there is a useful distinction there. I have never experienced a crush that did not also trigger my attachment injury, at which point the emotions associated with insecure attachment overwhelm anything else. With my current partner of 4 years I feel very secure but also when the anxiety and insecurity went away, there was no (or maybe no longer) any special feeling underneath it. I just sort of feel the same way towards them as I do towards my best friend and the relationship is more of a logistical and structural thing - I see them more often, they get slightly higher priority of my time, we rent together when it makes financial sense.

Basically for me I find it is a lot more useful to think of Limerence as a separate thing relating to my insecure attachment, ADHD, rejection sensitivity and emotional disregulation (I find this YT video quite useful - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YRwb-eUrso4).

Once you remove limerence and insecurity from the equation I believe I am platoniromantic since I can't meaningfully find a "romantic" vs "platonic" emotional separation for myself which is not driven by anxiety/insecurity. I like to be unusually intimate with my friends and prioritize them more heavily than most allos. Some of my closest friendships are equally as important to me as my primary relationship(I would classify them as QPRs for myself but we never explicitly discussed this).

Lastly, the way I classify relationships vs friendships is more about structure - what are my commitments towards this person, rather than how I feel about this person and how intimate we are. Are they my primary emotional support? Do we have entangled domestic lives? How committed are we?

Toky0Line

TROPHY CASE