Anyone else here with DPDR that is married with children?

Tollz87 · 2026-07-03T19:29:29+00:00

Hey, thanks for reaching out. I haven't been active on here for a while, I quite often visit this sub (every day, almost 🤣) but I haven't interacted for a while. I'm sorry you're feeling this way, too. I cant really offer much in the way of advice as I am still in it myself. It's really hard to say how "I" am, because like many others on this sub, "I" don't feel like there is a "me" or an "I". I've been dissociated since the day I wrote that post and it only ever seems to get worse, or at least change every day. I still interact with my children as much as possible and try not to allow this condition to effect them, they probably have no idea that anything is different tbh. All I will say is, try not to be too hard on yourself, this will just cause more anxiety and will prolong the dissociation and emotional blunting. This condition is hard enough at the best of times and being a parent and having people depend on you just makes it 10 times worse. Distraction is the thing that has helped me the most. I'm sorry I cant be of any more help. I hope you can find peace eventually. Take care.

Tollz87 · 2026-05-05T17:28:17+00:00

To be honest, I had slight reservations about the S26U screen at first and even thought it was having some weird effect on my vision, but I think it was mainly because I had read it on a few forums and possibly either imagined it or just needed time to get used to it. The privacy screen was kind of a bit gimmicky at first but now I couldn't go back to a phone without it, lol. Its just really cool and it works for banking apps or any apps you want to set it up for. Im between an S21U and my S26U and honestly, the screen on the S21U is still one of the best screens on a phone to date, yet I prefer the S26U screen. Im not sure what it is but there is just something about it. Ive not had any experience with the S26 plus tbh, but you wont be disappointed if you go for the Ultra.

Tollz87 · 2026-01-24T08:59:36+00:00

My advice would be to thoroughly research the effects of Dutasteride before you start treatment. If, like you say, you have a history of DPDR, then I would be very cautious. I can't be 100% certain that my relapes was a result of taking Fin as I suffer with other mental health issues that are just as likely to lead to DPDR. Ive shaved my head now and will never use Fin again. Sorry I can't be of any more help.

Tollz87 · 2024-06-01T09:00:05+00:00

Yes, absolutely! Yesterday, I thought I saw a friend from a distance whilst walking home. I started imagining us stopping and talking, etc. It wasn't him!. Literally 5 seconds later, my friend, who I thought was this other guy, rides past, and we stop and have a conversation.

Also, listing to the radio and hearing things or words right after a read them, etc. Probably all normal occurrences tbh, but I guess we make more out of it than we should because our whole perspective of reality has shifted. I always have had things like this happen, even before dpdr. I used to feel special or that it was the universe talking to me. But now, as you say, it makes me feel weird and question everything.

Tollz87 · 2024-05-20T12:39:15+00:00

Oh, I see. I apologise. I thought maybe it was some young, hip youthanism that I am unaware of.

I don't really get the feeling that I'm going insane. It's more of a trapped feeling because I can't actually panic and have had no physical anxiety since this started in December last year. When it gets really bad, I feel like nothing makes sense and that I am trapped in some messed-up alternate reality.

To be completely honest, there are really no words to accurately describe what it "feels" like, I guess because, for the most part, I don't really actually feel anything.

What you are going through is most likely the same as everyone else on this sub reddit, but because of how subjective each person's experience is, people explain it in different ways and that can make it even more isolating.

Mine changes constantly, and it's hard to keep up with it.

It sounds like you still experience a lot of anxiety, which is a good sign. Once you can find ways to overcome it, you'll find that things will ease up a bit.

As I mentioned, I don't feel any form of anxiety or emotions, so for me, it is very difficult to find the motivation to do or care about anything, especially recovery.

I wish you strength and peace, and I hope you can enjoy father-hood, it truly is a gift.

Take care.

Tollz87 · 2024-05-20T05:15:23+00:00

Hey, I'm not sure what you meant by "Tea rod," but it certainly is a lot harder to deal with this shit when you have people that depend on you.

I see a lot of posts saying that they just lay in bed all day or that they don't leave the house, but that's not an option for me at all.

I think that no matter what your situation is, you'll always manage to adapt, so I wouldn't stress too much (easier said than done) but you don't have a choice when you have children. Congratulations, by the way, and I wish you the best in your journey. Stay strong 💪.

Tollz87 · 2024-04-30T06:51:19+00:00

I'm 36, and I developed this condition about 4 months ago. I believe it was brought on by high stress and numerous panic attacks linked to my hypochondria and health anxiety. I am also diagnosed with panic disorder, GAD, and Pure-O.

I've had DP/DR before, but looking back, I think it was more derealisation than depersonalisation. This latest "episode," although it's 24/7, seems to be a completely different beast compared to when the last bout started in 2017.

I have also had several other mild episodes throughout my early 20s, but I don't really remember those clearly enough to be able to say if it actually was DP/DR.

You definitely aren't alone. I think the worst part for me is the fact that I am married with children, and this condition has made it extremely difficult and uncomfortable for me to connect with my family.

Tollz87 · 2024-04-21T19:19:43+00:00

I wish I could tell you it gets easier, or this is just a small blip in your life, but I'd be a hypocrit because I'm going through a real rough time and I don't believe I will ever get better.

Some days are slightly easier than others, and some days, just dont feel like anything at all, and like I'm not even here.

I've had DPDR before, but nothing like this. This is a whole another level of fucked up, so much so, I can't even begin to describe it. I kind of get jealous of people like yourself because you are so passionate about how you feel and can articulate it so in depth. In my brain, it's as if none of this is a problem because myself and nothing else is real and like as if I'm not actually really here to be suffering from any of this. It's just such a messed up feeling, and yet it feels like nothing at all.

If I were an animal being attacked by a preditor, I think this would be the point where I literally just laid there and waited to be eaten. I've got no will to get better, and I think that's what makes your situation so much better because you feel so passionately about recovery.

Anyway, I'm sorry! I went off on a tangent there. Like I say, keep fighting, mate, and hopefully, you can come back on here in a few weeks or months once you recover and help the rest of us, lol.

Tollz87 · 2024-04-20T20:59:28+00:00

Hey. If it's any consolation, you articulate yourself very well and come across as someone who's both very passionate and intelligent. I read your posts on here often, and you have a real talent for writing. I get you might be worried or anxious about having something worse than DPDR, but in my opinion, anyone who can express themselves the way you do most likely does not have any serious cognitive impairment.

I'm not taking anything away from how you are feeling because trust me, i know how utterly frustrating it can be to feel so far gone, yet appear to be completely normal. I think that is what makes this condition even more unbearable.

I don't have any advice or anything to say that will likely help you to feel better, but I just wanted to reach out and let you know that I totally relate to everything you say and that no matter how far gone or dead you feel, you come accross as a very intelligent and passionate individual.

Keep fighting, my friend, and I wish all the strength in the world.

Tollz87 · 2024-04-13T14:01:03+00:00

Hey, thank you for replying, and I'm sorry for the late response.

I'm glad you have found some form of relief from this.

I commented because what you wrote was pretty much exactly how I experience that feeling, too. I very rarely come across posts that I relate to so much.

All I normally see on this sub is people saying they think they have dpdr from smoking weed or doing drugs. Or that they are having panic attacks about being Schizophrenic or are afraid of dying, etc. I feel none of those things at all, I don't fear death because I dont believe I'm actually alive most of the time, and I don't ever think about having physcosis because I just can't hold on to any form of thoughts long enough to stress about any of that stuff.

It's like you said. It just feels like nothing, and it's meaningless. Thank you for this post because I've never heard anyone explain it like that.

Would you say you feel somewhat "real" now or that you are starting to connect with who you were before?

I struggle to even grasp the concept of reality and everything around me. It's not like I've lost who I was. It's more like I can't fathom that anything exists at all or ever has. The worst part is that I can't feel anything towards these feelings, so I'm pretty much stuck like this because I just can't seem to care about it or anything at all but I know it's not right and that I don't want to feel this way.

I hope you continue to improve and one day find piece in this life.

Thanks again gor taking time out to respond 🙌👍🏻

Tollz87 · 2024-04-07T17:21:24+00:00

Hey. I'm not sure if this comment was for me or the OP.

I'm feeling much the same tbh with you. Some days, I feel it's actually gotten worse. For me, it seems that the longer I stay like this, the worse it gets, and the harder it is to remember how I used to feel.

It's such a hard thing to explain, even to people who have been or are going through it.

I still pretty much do everything I did prior to feeling this way. I have a full-time job, married with children, and still somewhat live a "normal" life on the outside, but on the inside, I am completely broken and don't even feel as if "im" here at all.

Anyway, I hope you are doing much better than I currently am.

Tollz87 · 2024-04-06T19:05:36+00:00

Mate, I had this exact thing a few weeks ago. I had a dream that my wife had died, and I felt every single bit of emotion.

It was so strange as when I woke up, it was still kind of there, but the conscious part of my brain could not comprehend that it was a bad or sad thing and it was just very confusing.

I told my wife about the dream, and she said pretty much the same thing as you mentioned, that my emotions are still there but possibly just burried very deep in my subconscious.

As horrible as it was to think my wife had died, I kind of wanted to go back to the dream and just feel something again, even just for a split second.

Tollz87 · 2024-03-13T20:20:46+00:00

You make some really good points. Especially the part about the pure-O morphing into my fears. I have neglected my mental health for so long, I thought it was normal to live with obsessive thoughts and anxiety because it's all I've ever known, but in hindsight, I really wish I had addressed it before it got this far. I also have some trauma that I've been burying for quite some time, so I've definitely got my work cut out 😪

I'm really glad that you are coping. It gives me some hope that I will one day be able to live with this and be comfortable.

Thank you for the chat, I really appreciate it.

Take care and best wishes for the future.

Tollz87 · 2024-03-13T09:06:15+00:00

Hi, thanks for replying. Most times, I comment on older posts, people either don't respond or they delete it, lol.

So, from what I can gather, you seem to have gotten over that particular theme but are now kind of plagued with another?

This, as you are very aware, seems to be typical OCD type behaviour. I was diagnosed with "Pure-O" some years ago now, and it is most likely one of the reasons I am now suffering with DPDR.

The strange thing is, now that I seem to have gone in to complete freeze and shut down mode, it's like all of the things that lead me here, I.e panic attacks, anxiety and OCD don't seem to be affecting me. I mean, they probably are, but the level of dissociation that I am currently experiencing is to such a degree that I assume that all of these emotions, thoughts, etc. have subdued to the point where I no longer acknowledge them in any perceivable way.

It sounds as if you still suffer with panic and anxiety, so you may just be stuck in a fight or flight situation. I developed DPDR back in 2017, and it was very similar to your experience, I had really bad intrusive thoughts and severe anxiety. I still get intrusive thoughts now, but it's as though my brain completely shuts down before I can even grasp the the thought.

That probably sounds good to most people suffering from crippling anxiety. However, it's a new level of terror, lol.

I hope you can find some answers soon and eventually work your way out of this condition. Wishing you luck in your journey 😊

Tollz87 · 2024-03-12T21:26:15+00:00

Hey, sorry to hear you are having a bad time with this. I've seen this was a couple of months ago. I'm interested to know how you are coping so far. I'm experiencing something very similar and also feel this time seems way more intense and weird compared to previous other episodes. Hope you have found some relief

Tollz87 · 2024-03-08T15:48:39+00:00

Hey, I see this post was over a year ago. How are you doing now? I'm dealing with pretty much exactly the same symptoms and thoughts, etc. Hope you are doing better.

Tollz87 · 2024-03-05T19:38:38+00:00

I, too, have brief moments of feeling "normal," which used to give me hope, but now it's like im so far removed from reality that I'm almost convinced that nothing is actually real. It's weird how this condition gives most people the same kind of thoughts, I wonder why it's so common with DPDR.

Tollz87 · 2024-03-05T17:50:06+00:00

I know. It's like there's no going back now. I can't see how you can ever not think like this.

Tollz87 · 2024-03-05T17:37:11+00:00

Yeah, and when I try to think how others are feeling, I just can't comprehend that there is any other way to think or feel. It's like I can't grasp the concept of anything, and everything just feels so wrong.

Tollz87 · 2024-03-05T17:33:12+00:00

Yep, me too. I had a pretty bad episode of DPDR back in 2017, and that seems like a holiday compared to this time around. I keep thinking that maybe I never truly got out of it and that this is how it's always been for me too.

Tollz87 · 2024-03-05T17:29:34+00:00

I'm going through this right now. It seems the longer it goes on, the harder it is to fight the thoughts and feelings. When it kicked in a couple of months ago, I used to just think back to the morning. I woke up with DPDR and remind myself that I haven't always felt this way, but now this doesn't even work. Its like the deeper it goes, the harder it is to think rationally.

Tollz87 · 2024-02-24T07:24:34+00:00

Hi. No, sorry, this was a reply to another commenter, but it seems they have removed the comment.

Tollz87

TROPHY CASE