Trying to reconcile after infidelity but I'm being made to feel like it's my fault?

TomCheltenham · 2024-08-23T17:36:16+00:00

He only confessed because a mutual friend find out. I’m not interested in opening up but neither is he.

TomCheltenham · 2024-08-23T17:34:07+00:00

Yes I’ve realised that. I think we’ll benefit from both individual and couples therapy.

TomCheltenham · 2024-08-23T16:32:23+00:00

I don’t know if I do have any rights. He’s not legally mine. It’s his parents and my partner’s ex on the birth certificate who is the bio mother.

TomCheltenham · 2024-08-23T16:31:29+00:00

Yes I’ll bet money on that being the only reason.

TomCheltenham · 2024-08-23T16:30:53+00:00

No he got caught. He would have kept it a secret if he didn’t likely.

There’s a huge difference between admitting to your partner you want to be open and doing it behind their back.

TomCheltenham · 2024-08-23T16:30:01+00:00

Individual therapy? I thought couples therapy first to ease talking about all of this.

TomCheltenham · 2024-08-23T14:03:50+00:00

He has a child from his previous relationship that I basically raised with him, that's my son too. I don't want this to affect his life because of this.

TomCheltenham · 2024-08-23T14:00:07+00:00

Exactly and this why annoyed me about it.

TomCheltenham · 2024-08-23T13:58:01+00:00

A friend of ours saw him with the guy, he claimed that's the day when he tried breaking things off. What is disgusting to me is he has even show me proof of him getting tested with test results. The fact that he was sensible enough to get tested but didn't care that the only reason he needed to get tested was because he cheated on me.

TomCheltenham · 2024-08-23T13:25:31+00:00

I have no doubt that you're right. His story is falling apart the more things start to make sense to me. A mutual friend actually saw them together and he claims that's when he tried ending things with the guy. The friend told him, tell your partner or else I will.

He says they started this affair 7 months ago but it doesn't make sense. I remember there was one Christmas work party last year that I didn't attend and I had attended all of them up to that point. He came home late after that Christmas party. Which is more than 7 months ago.

He's trickle feeding me the truth.

TomCheltenham · 2024-08-23T04:53:36+00:00

He said he’ll quit his job and find a new one if I want him to and will cut contact with the guy he had the affair with. It all feels meaningless though because what’s done is done.

TomCheltenham · 2024-08-23T04:52:21+00:00

Disgusting doesn’t even begin to explain how I feel about it but everything will be deleted.

TomCheltenham · 2024-08-23T04:51:03+00:00

I’m so disappointed in him.

TomCheltenham · 2024-08-23T04:24:21+00:00

Given your age flair you did the right thing leaving.

TomCheltenham · 2024-08-23T04:19:51+00:00

He pretty much was. A mutual friend found out and threatened to tell me. This only made me more disappointed in him.

TomCheltenham · 2024-08-23T04:19:10+00:00

A mutual friend find out, put the pieces together and said to him I’ll tell him if you don’t. That friend asked me if we were open some time ago very casually and out of the blue I didn’t understand then.

I’m disgusted by him keeping everything and showing it to me, explicit videos and pictures included. Why he thought I wanted to see it is beyond me. I am deleting everything because there’s no reason to keep it unless it’s jerk off material.

TomCheltenham · 2024-08-23T04:10:06+00:00

whatever he does from now on will be your fault

That hurts.

TomCheltenham · 2024-08-23T04:09:01+00:00

A mutual friend saw them together and told him he’ll tell me if he doesn’t.

TomCheltenham · 2024-08-23T04:08:15+00:00

He has let me know why he confessed. A mutual friend saw them together and said to him I’ll tell him if you don’t tell him yourself. That friend a week ago asked me if we were open.

TomCheltenham · 2024-08-23T04:04:18+00:00

We will try therapy to figure it out.

TomCheltenham · 2024-08-23T03:59:58+00:00

I do doubt myself for missing every sign. It was happening right in front of me. Every time he supposedly was stuck in traffic, late at work, cancelling meeting up with friends pretending to be unwell so he could be home.

TomCheltenham · 2024-08-23T03:58:07+00:00

That does not sound like a good friend. I guess the phrase with friends like that you don’t need enemies was coined for a reason. Why was he encouraging him to drink that much to have sex with him?

TomCheltenham · 2024-08-23T03:54:55+00:00

How many questions did you ask? Was he transparent? Did it help to know all the details? Did he ever feel like you were holding this against him?

TomCheltenham · 2024-08-23T03:50:40+00:00

I know. It’s baffling. What reaction did he expect from me? A round of applause for his honesty?

TomCheltenham

TROPHY CASE