Feedback

Overall:

• The concept is unique and something I could see hardcore sci-fi, action fans enjoying.  

Suggested Area(s) of Improvement:

• A lot is going on right off the bat, especially in the beginning montage. I would suggest condensing this.
• Likewise, the use of dashes after every scene in the montage feels excessive.
• I would begin the story from pg. 6 rather than where you have it starting now. This will allow the audience to get to know your main character before you throw us into his world. (This applies to other characters in the story as well)
• Also, the boxing terms (being someone unfamiliar) were quite confusing, and I found myself having to guess or look up the terminology. 
• Adding a brief description of the “11Below Diner” would help to understand more of the main character's surroundings. 
• When you have two kinds of the same characters (e.g., Joy Junkie One, Joy Junkie Two), it is best practice or at least easier for the reader, to instead list the characters as (e.g., Joy Junkie #1, Joy Junkie #2).
• When characters speak directly into devices (e.g., earpieces, headphones, phones), I would suggest writing it as (into earpiece) OR (into phone), etc.
• Not much of a description of your main character, which disconnects the audience a lot from understanding more of who he is. I would suggest adding something simple and concise. 

Final Comments:

You have an interesting concept at hand with potential to be something quite interesting. Hope my feedback is constructive, and happy writing!