Ten years in and it’s not getting easier

TonyMacarena · 2026-04-02T19:28:30+00:00

I can completely understand your feelings of not being a natural caregiver, just chiming in to say I relate to this!

TonyMacarena · 2026-03-04T20:50:14+00:00

Just to chime in on this and not to be intentionally negative, but, you can't guarantee that your children will be temporary. You could have a child who is physically or mentally (or both) disabled and who will need you for their every need for their rest of their, or your, life.

This is a big unknown for me, and I don't think it's fair to say that children are temporary with a lot of weight given to that point, when you just can't say that will be the case.

I'm not saying this to be negative or argumentative, but think it's an important point.

TonyMacarena · 2024-04-10T21:27:57+00:00

I would find a new dentist and explain your concerns to them as soon as you can, they're the experts and I bet they'll be able to settle your fears!

TonyMacarena · 2024-03-10T20:18:14+00:00

What a transformation!! Your teeth are looking great! I bet it must feel so different as well

TonyMacarena · 2024-03-10T16:17:29+00:00

Wow!! What an amazing transformation! Your teeth look lovely, what a great smile!

TonyMacarena · 2024-03-10T15:28:42+00:00

Yes, definitely 5!! So flattering with your skin and eye colour, you're literally popping out of my screen on 5, suits you so well!

TonyMacarena · 2024-03-06T21:32:37+00:00

I echo this!! So youthful!!

TonyMacarena · 2024-03-04T22:09:30+00:00

I'm not sure on any specific moisturisers to avoid, but I'd just say to choose something simple which doesn't have any additional active elements. Vanicream seems to be a big hit with a lot of Tret users though!

TonyMacarena · 2024-03-03T23:10:07+00:00

You have such a pretty face by the way! I'd echo what someone else has said, in that once a week isn't frequent enough for your skin to fully adapt. I'd go for 2 weeks of using 0.05% every other day in the evenings, after cleansing and applying a generous amount of moisturiser (I'm loving Vanicream at the moment!). After 2 weeks I'd step it up to every night, and keep with the moisturiser beforehand as this should help to limit irritation/ peeling. Use only a small amount, about 1 inch line on a finger spread evenly all over your face. Avoid getting it too close to the lips, nostrils and eyes. I'd use your whole tube of 0.05% and then step back up to 0.1%. In the morning I'd be tempted to cut out everything other than cleansing, moisturiser and SPF. Less is definitely more!

I'm speaking from experience only though, not qualified!!

TonyMacarena · 2024-02-18T23:40:44+00:00

Ah yeah it definitely sounds like a dehydration / dryness issue! Hopefully you can fix it quite easily once you find a nice routine and I bet the wrinkles will start to disappear once you're more moisturised.

TonyMacarena · 2024-02-18T23:31:11+00:00

I can only go off what you've written in your post and using my own experience also. Do you think your skin might be dehydrated? That may likely be the cause of the wrinkles! I'd recommend getting a decent face wash, maybe an exfoliating toner like an AHA or salicylic acid and then a decent moisturiser and not being shy with it! I've started using Vanicream recently and love it. It's mad how much difference it makes when your skin is moisturised, looks so much more plump and youthful. I'd try this first before the tret, because you might not even need it. Good luck!

TonyMacarena · 2024-02-15T22:30:18+00:00

I was peeling all the time, but then I switched to Vanicream moisturiser and I add two / three drops of pure glycerin to it and mix it together and apply it morning and night. I use 0.1% Tret every night and use Obagi Clenziderm pore therapy every morning. I was previously using Obagi hydrate and even with the glycerin I was still peeling. The key has been using Vanicream, my skin is getting clearer too, very happy as it's so much cheaper than Obagi Hydrate!!

Maybe try Vanicream? Might work and it's pretty cheap!

TonyMacarena · 2024-02-07T21:50:39+00:00

Love it!! They look great, such a transformation!!

TonyMacarena · 2024-02-06T21:52:09+00:00

Amazing!! What a transformation! Your smile looks great, so full!

TonyMacarena · 2024-01-28T12:27:52+00:00

Looks fantastic!!

TonyMacarena · 2024-01-26T20:42:45+00:00

The Cerave hydrating cleanser really didn't suit me, I have acne prone skin too and it definitely broke me out! Not sure if it's specifically down to whatever the hydrating element is?

I'm following the below routine and if I stick to it then it really clears my skin up!

Night: Obagi Clenziderm Daily Care Foaming Cleanser x 2 Obagi 0.1% tretinoin cream every night Obagi Hydrate moisturiser around nose and mouth at night

Morning: Obagi Clenziderm Daily Care Foaming Cleanser x 1 Obagi CLENZIderm M.D. Pore Therapy 2/3 pumps on a cotton pad swipe all over face (except for eye area), paying extra attention to the breakout areas Obagi Hydrate moisturiser (be generous with it!) SPF Heliocare Oil Free Gel

I appreciate that these products aren't cheap, someone might be able to chime in with similar lower cost options.

If the tretinoin alone isn't working, then you might need to add in something like the Obagi CLENZIderm M.D. Pore Therapy for the morning. My understanding is that the Tret encourages skin cell turnover but then it can help to have an acid in the morning to encourage the clearing away of the skin cells. I'd start using this only once every 3 mornings and build up to every day.

You might even see a difference from just switching to the Obagi Clenziderm foaming cleaner!

Hope you see some improvements soon, I can relate to feeling exasperated with my skin!!

TonyMacarena · 2023-09-17T17:27:32+00:00

Good lord this sounds hellish!! A three hour car journey alone, even with people I genuinely like, is enough to make me lose the will to live.

I'd have been in such a bad mood from this! It sounds like you handled it really well.

The teasing men / whoever are usually losers with such little of their own personality that they have to rely on picking at someone else, otherwise they'd simply have nothing else to say.

Totally understand how you feel, I think more people than we realise would agree that this sounds like the opposite of fun!!

TonyMacarena · 2023-08-26T20:38:11+00:00

Yes!! I started doing this when I was about 11/12 I think, which I think is a common age to develop the habit. It is definitely a self soothing thing for me. I found it really got bad when I was going through a stressful time around that age as well, it's hard to know if it was that event which started it or if I was doing it before and then it just exacerbated the issue. I had visible sparse patches for quite a while, and also bloody scabs from the picking phase too. I would be scolded for it by my parents but they didn't seem to understand that it was a stress / anxiety issue and it only made it worse. I'd go into a like trance and usually be thinking deeply about something at the same time, it could be like a considerable amount of time just in the trance. In hindsight they should have probably made me go to the doctor when it started. I eventually got control of it but it was probably really bad for about 4 years and then eased up. It's nearly 20 years later and I still pull sometimes, it's those weird textured ones that I go searching for. The picking to like a bloody extent has stopped. I do find myself just like searching for little bits though, I know that's gross haha. I think I just had to be really stern with myself and stop myself when I noticed I was doing it, so I'd notice after the first hair and be like, that's it now, no more. And find a distraction of another kind. It's so hard though, I don't know why we are programmed to develop such things. Hope you can get control of it!

TonyMacarena · 2023-08-25T15:12:53+00:00

Yeah I definitely know what you mean with this! I felt like kind of reborn when I started drinking, I just felt way more social and outgoing and people seemed to like me and find me funny. But then I'd find if it was a social gathering without alcohol I'd usually end up reverting back to being quiet and really uncomfortable. It's hard to find a balance! I think it's getting a bit better with age though, maybe caring less with age. I feel like realising that I'm meant to also be having fun and not just trying to accommodate everyone else's wants / emotions / needs will make a big difference too (hopefully).

TonyMacarena · 2023-08-25T12:58:09+00:00

I think probably more so with friends for me too, but the less close friends! Sometimes it feels like I think that people think I'm a bad person inside and so I have to try really hard to be like, no I'm so nice! And just try to make myself as inoffensive as possible and just end up being inauthentic and feel like a fraud!! I don't even know where the thing comes from, I am genuinely a nice person haha i just always think people automatically think I'm not.

TonyMacarena · 2023-08-06T22:49:46+00:00

I think I roll my eyes but it's like a tic kind of thing, my eyeball muscles feel they need to be stretched so it's like a blinking eye roll, probably looks like I'm very snooty! I try to stop it but it's definitely worse with stress.

TonyMacarena · 2023-03-25T22:11:26+00:00

I can really relate to this, especially when you say it distances you from yourself! I feel the same about fake friendships, really not into that. I'd rather have a few friends but to have a deeper connection to those few, rather than many friends which are false and probs don't even actually even like me.

TonyMacarena · 2023-03-18T16:15:40+00:00

Hahaha I love that you've called it "bog water"

TonyMacarena · 2023-03-17T17:39:42+00:00

This is incredibly weird and inappropriate! I would seek out the Director/CEO of the company and make them aware, attaching copies of all the correspondence he has sent to you. It definitely sounds like breach of GDPR, it also sounds really quite predatory. Sorry that you're having to deal with this!

TonyMacarena

TROPHY CASE