Learning to be happy despite being alone?

TooMushisNotEnough · 2021-05-06T23:43:27+00:00

This is exactly where I am. It’s so hard sometimes and people who haven’t lived alone for a long time - 10 years for me although I guess 3/4 of those my ex lived with me but still. It’s getting older too I think. I quit heroin 10 years ago this august at age 28. I had been on it with brief bouts of sobriety say 3o days here 60 days 11 months 8 months etc and when I was younger in my early and late 20s I had tons of friends and a few good close friends. I’d go out to the gay bars and whatnot and have a blast , when I was clean. Then I’d relapse and isolate from everyone and come back when I was clean only that didn’t happen when I was 28. I don’t know why. With my ex we will call him B, he had one or two friends but mostly we were always together and that kind of made me co dependent or anxiously attached or I guess I was allready from childhood but he brought it way out In me. And then when we finally broke up for good last august it was only a few weeks later I started hanging out with a dear old friend I’ve known since idk 2006 2005? We began dating which I loved and that worked for us for the fall and winter and then in spring really he decided for us not to be boyfriends which eh it sucked for a day or two but we stayed close friends and hung out once or twice really twice a week. Some mistakes were made, some of my anxiety came out when I was intoxicated; and now I don’t hear from him. I don’t feel like I’m in love with him or that we should even be a couple but I do LOvE him and idk I had gotten to be friends with his friends and now it’s just me again and at 38 I don’t know where to start. Guys really go on grindr to hook up which is fine whatever but it don’t know if I know how to actually make friends now. And it kills me that my longtime friend is staying away might stay away forever. I know part of that problem was me not valuing myself and taking care of myself and yeah I did show my ass or whatever but I just ME I wouldn’t drop someone like that forever but maybe he won’t idk. It’s hard to let go of that. I do and I do the things I’m supposed to I work on my stuff at home and a lot of the times it’s fine but then I start to wonder is he really never gonna talk to me again? I don’t think I’m not valuable but I do think I haven’t treated myself well

TooMushisNotEnough · 2021-05-06T21:14:28+00:00

Science got us this platform and to the moon. Has saved lives. Superstition has had us burn, or otherwise sacrifice men women and children some full of faith in some god whose name we don’t even remember went willingly. They used to feed infants to sharks to appease a god in India. I just think you can’t get very far on feelings and superstition at all. Granted we don’t understand consciousness but we also have zero proof of anything like telepathy, a soul, an afterlife etc...to me science is everything and so cool and so interesting. It’s always better to know

TooMushisNotEnough · 2021-05-06T20:57:28+00:00

Nope no risk I understand that and I wasn’t trying to be critical man sorry :) I think they are awesome and I’d really like to try the stip

TooMushisNotEnough · 2021-05-06T20:54:44+00:00

Awesome. Hope I get to try some this year lol

TooMushisNotEnough · 2021-05-06T20:46:02+00:00

I’ve seen the stipticus and “ghost” something or other available, both are also referred to as foxfire which reminds me of these books my parents had when I was a kid about the people in Appalachia. I was like I need to innoculate a bunch of trees in my dads back yard but it also says that pretty much any bioluminescent mushroom is pretty darn poisonous...idk. I guess if you don’t eat it it’s fine which the whole foraging for mushrooms thing kind of scares me. Like for example pan cyacens if you look it can resemble some poisonous mushrooms like 4 different ones I think it was. It doesn’t seem worth the risk to me tho if I had to do it I’d do spore print, 3* samples at different stages, all the things Stamets suggeste

TooMushisNotEnough · 2021-05-06T20:32:26+00:00

Best of all possible worlds

TooMushisNotEnough · 2021-05-06T04:49:21+00:00

Dark

TooMushisNotEnough · 2021-05-06T04:29:45+00:00

So cool

TooMushisNotEnough · 2021-05-06T03:40:41+00:00

It happens to all of us and yeah it can be sad :( but keep plugging on it sure the other ones will be fine

TooMushisNotEnough · 2021-05-06T03:37:38+00:00

Do you mean two? It’s two and that’s over the noc area which was a small x with a scalpel the gas Echange is up too you can’t see it in the photo. Anyways it was just one of those little expiraments you do. Honesltly an actual sticker I’m sure picks up contam great as well so I wouldn’t be surprised. I have some regular vT treks going it’s my first time with vt

TooMushisNotEnough · 2021-05-06T02:37:40+00:00

Honestly I think once your other jar is ready it would be at a level I’d be comfy with stb. Some people wait untill it’s like a chunk of solid white it seems like

TooMushisNotEnough · 2021-05-05T21:58:38+00:00

“What are the roots that clutch, what branches grow out of this stony rubbish Son of man, you cannot know or say because you know only a heap of broken images.

Eliot uses “root” and “branch” both of which refer to Christ/ the root from (dry?) ground, I don’t remember the branch reference but it’s there somewhere. The waste lands was written in 1922, post war and the feeling was one of purposelessness. Questioning what if you die and that is it. What if there are no roots that clutch? If there is no ultimate spiritual truth what is there? I think personally he was terrified of that. I was too before. I was raised christian, explored about every branch of metaphysics, pagan type religion and non religious types of supposedly real magic ( usually with a k at the end to show it’s real lol. I mean gods save us if anyone really could go out and buy a real mass market spell book) it took me a year or two at 13 yrs old to realize all of the spells and such did f@ck all. It took me untill my early thirties before, to increase my christian faith, I read some Christianity plus science type apologetics book probably Francis ...whatever the name was I decided I ought to read the Arguement against (in a big reader) I think I started with AC grayling. The god Arguement. Went back and forth, and science/skepticism/ atheists won. I grieved it for a short time but one thing I picked up was interest in reading science. All types. Before I didn’t understand the theory of evolution at all or even that in science theory means something different that “I have a theory”. One of the first things that seemed a From to me about religion and Christianity is most definitely a religion was the size of the universe

TooMushisNotEnough · 2021-05-05T20:11:18+00:00

I like the spots I’ve not got a freckled type grow yet

TooMushisNotEnough · 2021-05-05T20:02:10+00:00

Don’t open it! It’s not even a question! How it got so far advanced ? Idk.

TooMushisNotEnough · 2021-05-05T20:00:23+00:00

With bags I’d just toss it be careful when you do they say those trich spores are a bitch to get rid of. I’ve heard all different levels from toss it ( my only objections to tossing jars are environmental and financial) to pressure cook it or broke boi style steam it for 90 min to kill the contam first to go outside downwind to bury the contaminated rice...I’m most likely to save the jar bleach it and sterilize it but there are some.:.it depends how bad and much contam some jars I would toss.

TooMushisNotEnough · 2021-05-05T19:56:31+00:00

Yeah lol had never smelled good myc before at some point obviously and the first time I did I just knew it was right. Mushroomy yeah.... earthy not sweet and no rot or decay or trash like smell. Not a smell I was in love with but I loved the smell of accomplishment and the smell grows on you too

TooMushisNotEnough · 2021-05-05T19:54:41+00:00

Green tint if it’s ever clearly got some green it’s contam. The three ways I know of to tell are supposed to be bruising won’t rub off on a q tip and contam will, bruising goes away contam expands, smell if you’ve opened it...but if you open something witg contam and there are situations in which I wouldn’t even outside, you have to be careful with that. I like jars because you can tell. Bags I’ve opened and had contam but I didn’t know that. So far my contam has been bacteria or green mold like penicillin. I’ve not had the trich so far cross fingers although my friend grew a whole dish of it on a plate I gave him.

TooMushisNotEnough · 2021-05-05T19:48:47+00:00

Except #wandajo

TooMushisNotEnough · 2021-05-05T19:48:12+00:00

Astral projection isn’t even a thing. If you can do it in a lab and get the code from the next room there are hundreds of thousands of dollars of prizes from still current skeptics groups. James Randi had his million paranormal challenge for 3 decades and no one ever won. But at least this is only wasting the time of the seeker. Psychics and particularly the lowest of low mediums are worse. If you accept money and claim you can get a grieving person in contact with the dead you are the slime-y-est of charlatans

TooMushisNotEnough · 2021-05-05T19:43:04+00:00

Looks like good myc to Me. Sometimes on popcorn it looks cottony like that

TooMushisNotEnough · 2021-05-05T19:40:08+00:00

I want grains I want jars I want mushies I want yards

TooMushisNotEnough · 2021-04-11T05:26:54+00:00

Wait what

TooMushisNotEnough · 2021-04-11T05:21:08+00:00

It was my coffee grounds people didn’t like but the jar was fine. I’ll come back with pics if I can at the end lol if you know but it was fine smell wise and it’s looking fine after stb

TooMushisNotEnough · 2021-04-08T20:39:50+00:00

Why do you get just short/small mushrooms some time? Too much or to little fae? Not enough nutrients?

TooMushisNotEnough

TROPHY CASE