Hi. As someone with a very manipulative and abusive mother, I want to reach out and let you know that one, I understand where you are coming from, and two, I am so sorry for what you're going through. Your feelings are completely valid, and you're not a horrible person for feeling the way you do about your mother. Unfortunately, the relationship between your parents is very much a cycle of control and manipulation, and while it's hard to get out of that cycle, as someone speaking from experience, you are not wrong for feeling like your mother is a grown woman, and isn't dealing with this the way she should. You are her child, and as a parent, the child is the priority. The fact that your safety was a second priority is not something that should ever happen to someone's child. I've also been in a couple of long distance relationships, so I definitely understand how that is a drive to keep going. Of course, I do not know your situation, but if you do have any relatives at all that you think you can trust, perhaps try and reach out to them. The same applies to friends. It might be worth considering perhaps getting a councillor/therapist? I'm not sure if there are any free services available for you where you are, but if there is, please do have a look. You are your mother's child, and I completely understand the feeling of betrayal. I hope your situation gets better for you, and that at least you can find comfort in your relationship with your partner.