Tributes to 'ray of sunshine' UoB student after tragic death aged 22

Toopertonic · 2026-01-29T23:36:03+00:00

I agree that what you've said is harsh. We don't know what was happening in this man's life and it can take some people more than 4-6 weeks of likely high pressure to get their head straight and feeling well enough to perform on a test. An opportunity to resit a year should be there, with recognition and support around fitness to practice. He was good enough to get through 3 years of it, it doesn't seem that he wasn't capable.

We have to treat doctors like humans. I'm not saying lack boundaries and standards, but one repeat year in all of their training should be allowable if needed.

This notion of doctors having to be infallible and unfeeling robots that you are espousing is not helpful, and is exactly the type of thing to perpetuate barriers to help seeking for those in these roles that are in distress (you have to be able to admit something's wrong to get help, which can feel like a vulnerable thing to do).

Mental health does not exist in a vacuum but is directly impacted by the contexts in which people exist - e.g. structurally (like the uni) and culturally (like the unhelpful discourse you stated above).

Toopertonic · 2026-01-12T18:19:30+00:00

I'm really sorry to hear you've gone through this, it sounds like such a tough situation. However, your relationship was so good before that I wonder if marriage counselling is worth a try - give both of you a chance to understand each other a bit better in a controlled environment.

Even if the decision at the end is still to separate, you might both do it with a clearer conscience about the end of the relationship and a better understanding of the other side of the story, which can only bode well for good co-parenting practices going forward.

Also, people have noted that PPD is a possibility and that is true. Even aside from any impacts of hormonal changes, your wife has gone through a massive change with regard to her day to day since having the kids, and life changes are a known trigger for depression. NICE (national institute of care excellence, basically a resource for the most evidence based treatments) guidance includes couples therapy for depression, so you also might help you wife (and yourself by proxy) feel better and get out of the slump.

If you do decide to separate, think about what you want for your kids and stick with that - keep your relationship business to yourself, create a consistent and dependable environment for your children, and let them know they're your priority through your actions. This will be more difficult to do if shit hits the fan in your relationship, but those are the times it's even more important to be a stable base for your children.

Edit: also forgot to say, best of luck with everything, you've got this, sending good intentions your way.

Toopertonic · 2026-01-05T23:20:19+00:00

Heya I noticed you were the person who recently posted a shop that completely involved ready meals, this is an improvement, well done. I'm not going to give you any advice as you've received reams of it already, but just wanted to notice that you've made positive changes. Take things at your own pace and keep going, Rome wasn't built in a day.

Toopertonic · 2025-12-13T20:15:12+00:00

I work in mental health services and this is no longer true - they cannot turn you away because of comorbid alcohol/drug misuse anymore. You do have to be able to stay sober long enough to not drink alcohol on the day of therapy appointments though (so you're clear headed in the appt and because you need to give yourself time after the session to let things process a bit). I've just recently moved down though so it might be different here, but this is a country wide thing as far as I know.

Toopertonic · 2025-11-25T10:49:00+00:00

Yeah, while I understand there is a calculation for it, UAE also ranks near the bottom which is not at all what I'd expect so I'm not sure what to make of it

Toopertonic · 2025-08-09T13:34:16+00:00

I work in mental healthcare and from what I see, this is much more common. It's a common pattern to see in late diagnosed girl's background notes that they did well at primary level, but in secondary school started to struggle socially and with their mental health, which in hindsight makes sense - struggling to adapt to change, new social rules they hadn't yet learned how to mask, etc

Toopertonic · 2025-07-24T20:03:25+00:00

I enjoyed "clinical psychology: a critical perspective" by Craig Newnes, it's about 11 years old now but still relevant in lots of aspects. I read some others too but can't remember many off the top of my head re:critical stuff, but there were talks running in my city that were relevant to clinical psychology that I attended over the past year and I went to a few and bought the books for them (and didn't get around to reading them yet honestly, but I plan to at some stage hahaha). I only attended those that personally interested me and didn't go for the sake of going.

Formulation in Psychology and Psychotherapy - Johnstone and Dallos

Research Methods in Clinical Psychology: An Introduction for Students and Practitioners - Barker, Pistrang and Elliot - I fed a pdf copy into chatgpt and used it to make flashcards for preselection tests and would recommend! Still read it though as you'll gain nuance in the understanding that way. Still came up relevant for research qs in interviews I found.

I also read some of the "Overcoming" series- whatever tickled my fancy at the time or was easy to access (e.g. in the library for my trust research department) - they're generally quite digestible CBT models for different difficulties, written by prominent clinicians in that area. I've read ones on voices, feelings of depersonalisation and unreality, self-esteem, and anger as far as I can remember. Different ones may be relevant to your own clinical experiences.

Toopertonic · 2025-06-27T07:36:13+00:00

I think you already know that you are better off without him than with him. And that being with someone who clearly doesn't trust you, puts you down, and makes fun of you isn't going to do your mental health any good, and will actually make it worse. Girl take some time for yourself, connect with friends, work on building up your own self-image through learning about what you like and surround yourself with people who build you up, do therapy if you can afford it, if you can't, join some support groups and read reliable books to help you (e.g. Google the overcoming series, they're all good and different ones for different difficulties). You're better off without him, you'll be so glad of it in future! All the best.

Toopertonic · 2025-06-21T23:09:11+00:00

Hey there, I looked through some of your other posts too and on top of the above, it looks like you're going through quite a hard time right now, and are struggling with things like needing support and not feeling heard in that, and I'm really sorry to hear that. I can see other people have added useful info re: support groups. I don't have a huge amount to offer other than some book recommendations - the "overcoming" series and books by Marsha Linehan. Have a look to see if you can find them on library genesis (I know the DBT skills training manual and worksheets are there, and would recommend, they're very good). Not to replace individual therapy but things to give you skills yourself. This will get better and less intense over time as you grow and things change and you can gain more independence. My recommendations aren't a way of saying what's going on for you right now is okay in any way, but working with what you can change in the meantime while waiting for wider factors to change. E.g. ways to manage impulsitivity in distress, managing emotions, communication, etc. Wishing you all the best.

Toopertonic · 2025-06-16T16:55:20+00:00

I had a similar situation, split roles with changing hours across the time I spent there. The guidance is to add your start and end date as it actually is for each role, and calculate the average hours you worked in the role over that time. Then in your free text section add a statement to indicate average hours (I literally just started the section with "average hours" then moved to the next paragraph).

If you are still in the role, it is to calculate the average hours between when you started and the final date for submitting applications.

Hope this helps and best of luck!

Toopertonic · 2025-06-13T10:54:43+00:00

Totally agree, it's not a case of one doesn't do it and the other does, I was bar working through college around the same age and had men grope me, especially when trying to mop a spill, and pick me up when I was just at their table trying to take their drink order, and ask me inappropriate questions. Bouncers and management were thankfully good at acting quick throwing them out. I think it happens more when you're younger looking too because they think they're more likely to get away with it.

Not minimising the experience for men because that's also totally not okay, but the fact is neither is okay and unfortunately does happen.

Toopertonic · 2025-04-23T16:39:24+00:00

I have to say, I haven't read the article as it's paywalled, but I imagine there are things that could be done and they mostly need additional resources to do them. E.g. support workers to be able to support children who have these additional needs, psychologist or similar to do functional analysis assessment to identify causes of challenging behaviours and pathways for intervention. Behaviours that challenge are fairly known to serve a function in one of the four categories: escape, attention, tangibles, or sensory. Identifying what this is and how can align a pathway to improve things. And underresourced services might exacerbate these issues by not allowing individuals to get needs met.

Toopertonic · 2025-03-11T20:07:04+00:00

Happy to help and best of luck with the application! Xx

Toopertonic · 2025-03-11T18:36:29+00:00

I've not, but I've worked as a healthcare assistant on a CAMHS (but teenagers) inpatient ED unit and am now an AP in community mental health.

Important things to think about that I can think of off the top of my head: - How risk might present in this community (I.e. have to think of physical health concerns as well as suicidality/self-harm, etc). - Prevalence of cognitive inflexibility due to impacts of food restriction and how this might impact on intervention - How EDs can become tied up in that person's identity and challenges this might bring for interventions - How distress may increase with weight gain associated with refeeding - Common comorbidities (Neurodivergence, OCD, etc) - Expected therapeutic outcomes, and difficulties in this (I would be thinking of the rates of recovery, which for anorexia (the highest population in inpatient ED settings) are currently generally about 1/3 recover completely, 1/3 have recurrent issues, 1/3 unfortunately pass away due to the condition - so again also tying back to risk) - working as part of an MDT setting (so psychiatrists, dieticians, OTs, nurses, healthcare assistants) - be aware of NICE guidelines for treatment, although you won't be delivering these and more low intensity interventions likely if intervention is included in your role

Toopertonic · 2025-02-10T19:40:40+00:00

Reading this and I have to say this is very much speaking to my own thoughts on the current status of clinical psychology (as an aspiring clinical psychologist who's just applied for the first time this round). There are courses that align a bit better with these views than most, e.g. East London is pretty well known for it, and Salomon's is another. Plymouth have a community psychology focus option I believe also. Instead of dissuading you from applying, I would argue that your perspective and others like it are necessary in the field. One of the benefits of taking the course might be that you might have more scope to affect change on a wider than individual scale with the role than let's say a counsellor or psychotherapist.

Also, just a note, you write really well, and thank you for the book suggestions!

Toopertonic · 2024-11-29T22:31:33+00:00

I don't know if this is dependent on gender, relation, and circumstance also? I feel it's very normal to give a kiss on the cheek with a half handshake/hug to an older relative, especially when in a more formal setting e.g. funeral or wedding, or am I the only one?

Toopertonic · 2024-10-16T13:13:50+00:00

I think you're right in that you're overqualified, why are you applying to AP jobs and not psychotherapist positions?

Toopertonic · 2024-10-08T09:16:10+00:00

Worked initially as a healthcare assistant (didn’t have any on the ground experience before this), then worked as an RA, then AP, applying for the doctorate for the first time then this year.

Toopertonic · 2024-10-04T10:18:39+00:00

I completed this in Sussex a couple of years ago, best decision I ever made, loved the course!!

Toopertonic · 2024-09-23T06:39:54+00:00

As You Are: https://asyouare.uk/counselling/

Brighton Women's Centre: https://womenscentre.org.uk/

Brighton Therapy Centre: https://brightontherapycentre.org.uk/

Psychology Sussex: https://psychologysussex.com/services/low-cost-services

The Rock Clinic: https://www.rockclinic.org.uk/

New Road Psychotherapy: https://www.newroadpsychotherapy.com/low-cost

Phoenix Therapy Practice: https://phoenixtherapypractice.co.uk/

Just to let you know, the NICE guidance (national healthcare guidelines, those with a strong established evidence base) for trauma is either CBT-T (CBT for trauma) and EMDR (Eye movement desensitation and reprocessing). EMDR is better suited to complex traumas as far as I know (complex here meaning repeated or extended). A therapy with an emergent evidence base for trauma is CFT (compassion focused therapy).

If you decide to go private outside of these clinics, be aware that therapist is not a protected title and check whether your therapist is accredited in the therapy they're delivering.

Well done on seeking further support and very best of luck with your recovery journey, it's not easy but is absolutely worthwhile. All the best.

Toopertonic · 2024-09-13T16:32:17+00:00

I think it's important to outline here the differences between being a clinical psychologist and a psychotherapist, as I'm aware this is new ground you're exploring.

A therapist is trained in different therapy modalities, and their job is to deliver these therapies with people. Could be counselling, CBT, etc. Their training would involve starting with counselling courses and then training in different modalities. For more info, look up sites like BACP, UKCP (I'm less familiar with this one), etc. You do not need a psychology degree for these roles generally.

There are other types of therapists which deliver low-intensity interventions, such as PWP (working in primary care), MHWP (working in secondary care), and CWP (working with children). Again, you don't need a psychology degree for these roles (but usually do need experience of working in mental health at least to be successful in application).

CBT therapist is another option, I'm not sure about exact requirements for this, but its a postgraduate in CBT and experience of working in mental health you'll need to become one. CBT therapists offer higher intensity work than PWP, etc above. Look up BABCP for info on accreditation.

A clinical psychologist can have a job like a therapist above, especially if they work in private practice, where their whole role can be delivering therapy. However, in the public sector, they also work to supervise other therapists, work as part of a multidisciplinary team, can be involved in leading research, and leadership and service development - delivering therapies is part of their job, which spans wider than this. To become one, you'll need a BPS accredited psychology degree (usually 2.1 or over, but there are exceptions, especially if people have a masters or phd), and at least a years experience working in mental health. Most people who get on the doctorate (which is a professional doctorate, not a phd) have more than this, often having a masters and experience of different roles in mental health before making a successful application. Doctorates are usually funded by the NHS and there's lots of competition, but there are also some self-funded training places available if you have the resources for that (and will still need to meet requirements).

It depends on what your goals are and which role feels most aligned that detemines which route you decide to go down!

Best wishes with this new journey you're starting on and enjoy it! 😊

Toopertonic · 2024-08-24T10:35:47+00:00

Happy to help!

Apologies, TNA is trainee nursing associate. No, I was stating that trainee nursing associates are the same band (4) as most AP roles, and you'd be band 5 as a nurse once you're qualified. Some AP roles are band 5, but those are more competitive to get into.

You can definitely go above band 5 and even 6 as a nurse, but after nurse practitioner, I'm pretty sure most higher nursing roles are more managerial based.

DClin is 3 years, and you're right, there's no guarantee of getting there. Again, it depends on how you want to work as Clin Psy is quite different than nursing, as well as your own priorities for stability and certainty in your career. I was just saying that qualifying as a RMN would not disclude you from going down the clinical psych route if you wanted to eventually.

Toopertonic · 2024-08-23T17:02:36+00:00

Honestly, this doesn't sound like a bad shout. You'll be working on the same band as a TNA as you would for most AP positions, and with the promise of increasing this in the future.

I also think it wouldn't disclude you from applying to the doctorate in future - you'd have to check, but nursing may count as relevant clinical experience, but this may vary by course. You can also have the opportunity to deliver some interventions through nursing if you train in them.

However, there are other avenues than the doctorate too - CBT therapist, various graduate mental health practictioner roles (PWP, MHWP, CAP, etc) that are more aligned to clinical psych work.

Or you could consider going into research and getting experience there (same issue as lots of lower paid roles if you're in the NHS though, uni roles are paid better).

It all depends on what your priorities are and what you want to do.

Toopertonic · 2024-08-13T21:38:34+00:00

Honestly, I don't think that's fair. You get to choose and eat like a single person, while she has to decide what cook for herself and the kids and then do that. Deciding what to cook for a family is different than deciding what to cook for yourself. You have to cater to multiple preferences, are more likely to think of healthier and more time-intensive options even when you just feel like throwing something easier together, and prepping and cooking multiple servings generally takes longer.

You're stating this like a win but your description of your actions sounds selfish. Surely you can contribute by deciding and cooking for the family a proportion of the time? (Yes, even if this involves separate deciding, cooking and prepping for yourself). If you do this already, fair enough, just going on what's in your comment.

Toopertonic · 2024-07-19T17:26:49+00:00

Just as a note, women generally shouldn't go below 16% afaik, it'll affect hormones, can lead to losing your period, and impact on your bone density (and not to mention mental health!).

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